It's That Mister Knudsen Again

I know it's another bloody meme, but this one has an impeccable pedigree, coming as it does from the lovely Gaijin Girl via the equally lovely Fake Knudsen.
Here we go then:

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Me.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Bono. Can I do it now, please?

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Tony Blair.

4. What is your favourite cheese?

Stilton or smegma (easy to confuse the two).

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Stilton and mango chutney. Mmmm …

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Is Marge Simpson a movie celebrity? If not, then Akiko Wakabayashi from "You Only Live Twice".

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Any member of Morning Musume.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Unwisely.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Harajuku, Tokyo. For the weemen …

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Eat whale sashimi.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

I'm with Fake Knudsen on this; a top Islay malt, probably cask strength Talisker as I've only got a little left in the cupboard.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-travelling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you travelling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

I'd go back to Biblical Jerusalem and bribe Pilate to let Jesus off.
Then I'd tell Jesus about all the shit that's been done in His and His Dad's names so he'd tell the disciples he was only joking about the son of God bit and then slope off with Mary Magdalen and run a nightclub.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Women must not wear denim (ugh).

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

It's called "I'm A Celebrity, Beat The Crap Out Of Me" and stars every "celebrity" on the planet. They are brutally beaten and tortured for twenty minutes in front of a live audience, then put to death in amusing ways by cute Japanese girls in bikinis.

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Arse!

16. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

My old Les Paul. No contest.

17. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Start wanking. An endless supply of tissue paper must be standing there for a reason.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Kill everybody else on the planet.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

I already have a Superpower (it's about halfway down this post).

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Judith Flaxman. 1977. Just about any half hour. Mmmmmm … Nuff said.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Most of the first forty-eight years.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-travelling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But you can move to anywhere else in the world! What country are you going to live in now?

Japan.

23. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Rick's Bar, Casablanca or Moe's Tavern … It's gotta be Moe's; I can't stand Nazis.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Suddenly, you have gained the ability to float. Who are you going to show this to first?

Jesus. Then we'll do the helium balloon voice thing and scare the shit out of the disciples.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

No celebrity is worth bringing back to life.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, once again Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Nobody. Life sucks. They're better off dead.

27. What’s your theme song?

Prayer To God by Shellac

28. Who’s up next?

As you've all probably seen this on Old K's blog, there's no-one else to pass it on to, unless you're a new reader, in which case get to work, sucker.