Saturday Statuary - Creepy Peepee

Piccadilly Picnic

So here we are in Piccadilly Circus.
Under the statue of Eros - which isn't really of Eros at all, but is the "Spirit of Arsing About with a Bow and Arrow" and - as my brother so rightly reminds me - is made out of tinfoil.

And here, crossing the road, absolutely bang on time, come the lovely Ame and the equally lovely Bear. Yaaay! Hi, guys.

They are bearers of bad news. Last night at the restaurant, some dickless piece of shit stole Ame's bag with all her credit cards, driver's licence, photos of the boys, cool shades, the lot.
Bastard!
The only good thing is that Bear had her passport.
So our devastated duo have had to spend this morning cancelling cards and sitting around in a not so beautiful London Police Station.
Max-strength bummer!

Being Ame and Bear, however, they can still smile, because they're just such cool and lovely people.

And Ame even submits herself to the indignity of a photo with Old Dive (who should have learned by now never to wear horizontal stripes, but hey, it's Six Nations and I'm in rugby mood, so the incomparable Leicester Tigers' shirt simply has to be worn) …

Hennyway … We duck down into Yoshino's basement and come up with a goodybag full of sushi and miso soup, with which we will do what Dive does an awful lot and have ourselves a Piccadilly Picnic.

And Look! Wherever Ame goes, she brings that old California sunshine! Hoorah!

And this one's for Gaijin Girl … Looky, GG! Natto sushi! Mmmmm …
But all too soon our little lunchtime soiree is done and Ame and Bear must head off toward the Eye, with maybe a trip to Harrods after to point and laugh at that ludicrously tacky statue.

They fly back home tomorrow lunchtime and I'm really gonna miss them.
So wave a tearful farewell (at least until Ame gets home and cranks up her Santa Clara DP) to those lovely blogsters Ame and Bear. Come back soon, guys!

Baps And Peepees Part 4

I'm posting this tonight as I may not have time tomorrow morning. I will be meeting Ame and Bear for lunch, so hopefully more pics to follow.
Anyway … back to our story … We left our hero and heroine in the Assyrian section of the British Museum …

Ooooh … What's down here?
We find a little staircase behind the Assyrian Sphynxes that looks like it doesn't lead anywhere. Curiosity kills us cool cats so we go down to the basement to find a new exhibit of lots of Roman statuary from Ephesus. Cool!

Hmm … A room full of statuary with nobody about and no security guards?

Bear finds out that Romans give good head … er.
So while he's getting seriously into the history thang and the way the Romans simply took the Greek Gods and gave them new names …

… Ame morphs into … Ta-Daaa! … Lara Croft: Tomb Raider!
Hey, looky! She's got Lara's rucksack and a roomful of antiquities to play with; what's a girl to do?
"Woohoo! What's in this one?"

"Hey! I've found Bigfoot!"

No. I'll resist the temptation. You can provide your own captions for this one.

Caught short in the British Museum? Don't worry; there's always a loo within easy reach.

This is what you want! I know you lot.
Ame gets into character and behaves in an impeccably British ladylike manner.

"What's this one say?"
"A woman reclines on a couch holding the bust of her dead husband."
"Eww! That's kinda icky!"

At last! Ame finds the Holy Grail!
Check it out:
Baps AND a peepee on the same statue!
Ame meets and greets the original Hermaphrodite.
"Yaay! Baps and Peepees!"

We only had time to "do" a tiny amount of the British Museum. Probably just as well for the rest of the exhibits …

And then we walk back through the tat-fest that is Oxford Street and finally reach Marble Arch and the comfy sofas of the Marriott.
So farewell - for the moment - to the lovely Ame and the wonderful Bear.

I decide to walk the pretty route back to Liverpool Street Station, so I head off through the darkened and deserted parks.
It's been a lovely day out with the guys, so I just amble along through Hyde Park, Green Park and on into St. James's Park.
This is the Eye (all lit up red for Comic Relief Red Nose Day) reflected in the lake in St. James's Park.

London at night is pretty wonderful. Though I did get accosted by this lady (just up ahead in the photo) asking me to join a "sleep rough for the homeless" night.
I probably should have joined them because my train broke down and it would be another four and a half hours before I got home to my yummy old bed.

So many, many thanks to Ame and Bear for a pretty damned wonderful day out.
If any of you other reprobates fancy a visit, just let me know.

Baps And Peepees Part 3

Yaay! The British Museum! Don'tcha just love that roof?

Ame and Bear outside the Reading Room. Ame goes off to the café to buy hugely overpriced water while Bear and me head for the loo, where we find - inevitably - a drinking fountain.

Haven't these two watched any "Mummy" movies?
I swear the one on the left was creaking open as we left.

We head upstairs to the South East Asia section. There's some good stuff from Indonesia and Bear turns museum guide and gives us the lowdown on the migration of Hinduism down through South East Asia to Indonesia, followed by Bhuddism.

Whilst Ame is Ame … Hee hee.

While the boys are busy talking history, Ame wanders off to the slightly ruder Indian sculptures.
From the far end of the gallery comes the cry, "Woah! Baps! … Baps and peepees!"

Before we get thrown out, we hunt down the Rosetta Stone.
One of Ame and Bear's boys is studying this at school so it's cool to see the real thing.
It's also nice to see it in February, when the crowds aren't twenty deep all around it.
That's Ame looking at the back … which is kinda blank.

Now we're getting to the big stuff. Bear (a one man history faculty) tells us the history of the crowns of the Upper and Lower Kingdoms in Egypt and he has plenty of examples to illustrate his points. He would make a great lecturer …

… except he gets kinda sidetracked by the weemen (hee hee).
"Okay, now move your hands up like you're cupping his peepee … Now smile!"

Then we head off to see the Elgin Marbles.
We Brits were pretty good at just marching into a country and stealing stuff. You can just hear Lord Elgin: "Ooh! Nice temple! I'm having that!"
I mean yes; you can understand nicking the odd statue, but a whole temple?

And here's one of our most disgusting crimes:
The Parthenon, right? You know it? One of the world's most beautiful and sacred buildings.
Here's Lord Elgin again …
"Wow! Look at those statues all round that old temple! You, get a saw; you, fetch me a big hammer!"
And he ripped them all off the Parthenon and stole them! What an ass-hat!
I'm with the Greeks on this one. Give 'em back, you thieving gits.

Ame, of course, is looking for baps and peepees. Here are some nice baps.

And a horsie! Don't look behind it for horse poo, Ame.

And here are Bear and Ame in the Parthenon Room in the British Museum in February.
There are just the three of us in there. Don't bother coming here in the summer, you'll never get in. This is the time of year to do museums.

More baps.

The rest of this episode might get a bit boring for those of you (unlike Bear and me) who don't get horny thinking of the Assyrians (all together, Python fans: "Up and down like the bleedin' Assyrian Empire.")
Here's a gate sphynx from Sargon's Palace. Cool!

But do tune in for the final episode where Ame morphs into Lara Croft and finds the Holy Grail (true)!
Here she's just wondering why this guy has a poo on his head.

Ahhh … There are rooms and rooms of this stuff. All sawn off the palace walls by us thieving Brits; but probably a good thing in this case as the Yanks would have bombed the shit out of them if we'd left 'em there.
This is the Lion Hunt of Ashurbanipal. If this stuff doesn't get you wet, look away now.

Fabulous bas relief detailing. Okay, so I've got a stiffy. What of it?

And we'll finish with more horsies for Ame. If I posted all of my photos it would take days. Just go there yourself and enjoy it all.
And tune in next time for misbehavin' Ame. Yaay!

Baps And Peepees Part 2

Ah, messing about on the river. So anyway, Ame and Bear had these tickets for a Thames trip so off we went.

Man, that girl is quick on the draw with a camera. Whether you're a bright pink taxi, a horse's ass, some poo or Old Dive, Ame never misses.

Th Houses of Parliament get the Ame treatment. Notice the refined way she crooks her little finger. Practicing for tea with the Queen.

Hey, it's a rubbish barge with some old tatty building behind it.
"Never mind the Tower of London, what's this word 'bap' all about? I mean is it some kind of bread product? What's the story?"
What can I say? Baps is boobs. Ame is delighted!
Baps also becomes the word of the day. There are an awful lot of opportunities in London for Ame to shout "Baps!" and she finds most of 'em.

I just love that people go all the way to Lake Havasu City to see this and it's actually still here.
Hee hee hee …

And Ame and Bear have now been over it and under it.

Red Ken's Great Glass Testicle (The London Mayor's City Hall if anyone was wondering).

The joy of jaywalking! I love this picture. I'd been teaching Ame and Bear how to risk death by running out into heavy traffic. I don't think the schoolteacher behind them was amused.

Olive of India! "Hey, Who's that? Olive? Does that say Olive?"
It does indeed, Ame. Clive of India's stonemason must have hated him. Though you may have to click on this one to see it clearly.
And doesn't Ame look so sweet? Hee hee …

Hokay … We've learned the joy of jaywalking, now Ame takes it to the max by standing stock still in the middle of the Mall with a "don't cross" signal to take a photo. She cannot see the stampede of buses and taxis bearing down on her from behind.
"We drive on the LEFT, Ame!"
Having just made it across the Mall alive, we head up to Piccadilly to the Japan Centre Restaurant for lunch (which Bear insists on paying for, bless him).
No photos of that here, but Ame took some so they may appear later (if popular demand dictates the posting of some pictures of food). Ame had California rolls (what else) Bear had assorted nigirizushi and Dive had tuna donburi, plus miso soup and green teas all round. Yummy and scrummy. And I learned lots and lots about Ame and Bear, none of which I am divulging to you lot. So there.

Having survived the sushi without being poisoned by Russians with radioactive polonium 210, Ame tackles a London telephone box.
"So what do the instructions say?"
"Says here: For a good time call Tracy … Genuine blonde."
"Sounds good. Let's do it."

Admiralty Arch … "I WANT one! That would look GREAT in Santa Clara."

It's tourist time again, folks. Trafalgar Square.
Bear's trying not to be touristy. Indeed the two of us together could be just another couple of London businessmen on a long lunch …

… but we have Ame with us which kinda nixes that one. She's starting to live up to the Ame reputation now (hee hee).

"I wanna sit on the lion! … Hey, guys! Say CHEESE." If you can spot her, Ame is photographing you.

Mmmmm … cake …

And what goes great with cake? All together now: "Spam, spam, spam, spam …"
Yes, we all did lots of Python impressions, but this is England; it's expected.
On our way up Shaftesbury Avenue we somehow avoided spending all our money on books and guitars because we were heading for the British Museum to hunt for Baps and Peepees!
Tune in tomorrow for the start of that one …