For shows and gigs and stuff, take a look on Visit London's "What's On" page. You can search for stuff coming up over the next thirty days, so give it a week and check it out.
Book online in advance.
And Sassy rightly suggests eating Indian (which is actually Britain's native cuisine these days).
Should you, however, feel slightly more adventurous, try this site. It lists London's more strange restaurants where you can chow down on scorpions and other weird shit.
Or you could of course do a home from home and stick to Starbucks and Mc.D, but where's the fun in that?
And use GoogleMap to plan walks (parks and riverside).
The best bits of London are all in the old parts (City and Westminster), but that's still a huge area, so group your West End activites and your River activites and the rest so you split it up into days.
Oh, if you do the appallingly touristy thing and visit Harrods (ugh), be sure to photograph the world's tackiest statue, while making obscene gestures in front of it.
The disgusting Mohammed Fayed (Harrods' owner) erected a pukably kitsch statue of Diana and his son Dodi yanking on a seagull's penis (that's the ugly fucker standing beside it).
It's called "Innocent Victims", because he's convinced that the Royal Family and the Secret Service murdered them. He's kind of in denial about sending his own drunk chauffeur to drive them into a concrete pillar at speed.Hey! Here's a quick assignment:
If anybody knows of anything on the entire planet more tasteless and kitsch and shamelessly tacky than this vom-fest, please post it.
29 comments:
I, predictably, disagree with everything you said about Fayed, Diana and Dodi here of course, except that i don't like the statue either. It's far too twee and doesn't even look like them.
More to the point though, is your rule about having NO ROYALS HERE. You were adamant the other day and we all complied! Are we to take it that we can now be as Royalist and royal commenting as often as we royally like? Yay! We have the green light? lol. Make up your mind Dive!
Ame you should go to Harrods, it's a great experience. Buy anything you want there and if they don't have it, they'll order it! I remember my father telling me as a child that if i wanted to buy an elephant, i could there! Not..that...i did of course.. lol. I love the perfume department myself. Happy shopping Ame!
Yeah, I know.
I try to avoid the parasitic little bastards but they creep in around the edge of stories.
You're the only person I've ever known stick up for Fayed who wasn't being paid to (or are you getting some Harrods vouchers?) …
He really makes my flesh creep.
oh, dear lord, i live in the land of tasteless, kitsch and shamelessly tacky. problem is, i can't think of anything at the moment. umm, unless you count feely bars, in which case i'll go to one and post about it.
Hmm … I wonder …
Japan has lots of miniature versions of London landmarks in its many bizarre tourist traps. Perhaps there's one of Harrods with a tiny tacky statue inside.
Oh, oh! There is the absolute travesty of the "Braveheart" statue at the foot of Abbey Craig, the hill Wallace Monument stands on in Stirling.
Have you seen it? A representation of William Wallace as we saw him in the film. ie. Mel Gibson.
My heart broke when I saw it for the first time.
ps. I've seen the Big Merino a few times and the Big Banana once.
I love Australia's big stuff!
Well, somewhere I have a picture of a giant cow stuck on top of a dairy, but I'm afraid that doesn't compare.
One more piece of advice for Ame, pick up a folding Underground map. The underground is not like any subway system I have seen in the states--except for the millions of little mice hanging around by the rails, it's clean and safeish and easy to follow. Use the little map always.
Once we were climbing 50 gazillions steps to the outside when a woman in front of us passed out. Everyone stopped and held her while help arrived, and I stood there holding her purse. I wonder if that would happen in NY.
WOW! There's a whole wonderful world of tacky trash out there!
Statues to Shane Warne's wedding (what the fuck?) and Mel Gibson as Wallace?
Those are great contenders, but still i feel pipped at the post by the unfeasibly woman-shaped Diana and her cheesy paramour masturbating a seabird.
And I just LOVE "big food" and "big animal" buildings! They have a tacky charm all their own.
So; good try, but still not quite there.
More trash, please!
Robyn, the London Underground map is a work of art and not to be confused with a guide to getting around London.
For most of the centre of the city, it is often a lot quicker to walk from place to place than to take the tube (and considerably more scenic).
Having said that, I use the tube an awful lot. It helps to know where all the exits are on your route, so you know which carriage to get on and save yourself the hassle of fighting your way along crowded platforms.
Hey, I just noticed your "judge me by my labels" section. We never did form an art circle--you Marxist.
More an Art Straight Line with only you and me on it.
Though Lynn has her own paintings site and Sassy and Peahen are crafty.
Any more arty folks out there willing to post your stuff?
My Thomas Kinkade bear. I win. The big can of Schlitz in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I still win. It's gone now, but not forgotten, the Yokens sign in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. If that doesn't work, then Kowloons Resturant, in Route 1, Saugus. I'll post a picture when I get out there. Dive, I live near one of the tackiest strips of highway in the country. You really don't want to take me on with this.
I liked going to Harrods. I knew the whole story, but it was a crazy place to be.
Hee hee.
The Queen and True Afficionado of Tacky Americana graces us with her presence.
I love American signs and buildings. They're deliberately tacky for commercial purposes.
Your bear, though … That definitely ranks up there with the Harrods Puke-a-thon. True tack is created by people who think they're doing something beautiful.
And is all the more hilarious for it.
Oh, I don't know about the intentionality of some of these signs. They're old. The owners thought they were beautiful. Seriously.
The bear is hideous.
The bear is … er … better off on your side of the pond.
You must admit, though; it's got a great cameltoe.
lol yes i do defend Fayed, Dive. With reason; because of what i do i suppose i have read a preposterous amount of facts in the case of the death of Diana & Dodi. Fayed is not just a grieving father, he has just cause to be suspicious based on certain indisputable facts. They have not been invented in his mind, they actually happened. So far, all attempts to properly investigate them and to enlighten formally the sceptics with right and proper exposition of documents and facts which have to date been denied or limited, have been squashed, covered up and kept from the public domain. If a member of the public is accused of conspiring to kill, do they get off without a trial? No and neither should a Royal. Should be brought in front of a true and fair jury.
If it means they all get their heads chopped off, I'm all for it, Lynn.
I'll defer to you on what seems to the tabloids (other than the Excess, of course) to be a nutjob conspiracy theory, as you have done the research and I'm just a facetious goitre.
And there must indeed be questions to answer, otherwise Dame Sloshed-Butler would be off skiing somewhere instead of smirking for the cameras.
But Fayed is still a creepy fugger.
And why on earth does he insist on pretending he's "THE" Fayed? It's embarrassing.
Actually, I love a good conspiracy theory. Has anyone searched Buck House garage for a dented white Fiat, by the way?
lol my point exactly Dive, the fiat is probably the outhouse for the corgis, away from prying eyes. Yes, THE Fayed, indeed embarrassing and what's all that about? How strange, and stranger, do his advisors not tell him that things like this do not further his cause they merely portray him as 'weird'?
Not only based on tabloid coverage Dive, but that's all i'll say. The Express is doing a grand job in keeping up coverage, if nothing else but for the sake of true investigation and justice.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn...I'm so confuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuused!
The statue is pretty tacky. I'd like to see one of BAE directors taking bribes. Or maybe one of Blair selling peerages.
Morning, Ame.
Wakey wakey.
Great idea, DH.
We could do with some more truthful statues in Parliament Square.
Brrry-Brrrrry---Coooooldy--Cooooldy Divey, only 31 frigging degrees here! And you'd think we could get cold benefits and have a little SNOW with our BRRRRRRRR...but NOOOOO! Just clear-as-a-bell-blue SKY!
And I LOVE tacky statuary...had a FIELD day at Versailles last year, out in that teeny-tiny garden area!
Tankie for that What's On link too! xo
;)
It's a lovely warm ten degrees here, Ame, and I'm now going out to bathe in its warmth for my journey home.
See you.
So are ya home safe and sound yet DB?
Ready for some more Ame tips! ;)
It was hippies that killed Princess Di, she was lovely wasn't she?
Poor Fayed, well not really poor, I'm sure hes gotten away with stuff due to his wealth so he shouldn't be so surprised. To be honest I don't care, everytime some famous person is killed theres movies and books about it. Like their lives are more valuable than ours.
Home again in lovely peaceful Norfolk, Ame.
More tips? Okay. Here's one.
Before crossing the road in London, you must look both ways, then rub yourself againt the nearest building.
Alright, Old K. I'll come clean.
It was ME killed Diana.
I was just so sick of her. You couldn't open a paper or turn on the TV without her hideous visage and her simpering "I want to be the princess of your hearts" crap.
And the way she hi-jacked the land mine victims' charity as her "own" sickened me.
So I rammed the fucker with my Fiat.
HEY THERE! Morning DB! QUESTION, if ya don't mind terribly? ;)
H thinks we can get a good deal (read that FREE, using frequent-stayer points) at the LONDON MARRIOTT HOTEL COUNTY HALL...on Westminster Bridge Road. And OOOOOOOOOOOOOO, it's right on the river AND near the London Eye! WOW!
Anyway, would this be a good place to call home base for a few days Divey Boy? I'm thinking you're office is not TOO far away from there, right?
OK...off to be domestic and fold clothes!
I know you're SHOCKED!
;)
Woohoo! The old County Hall.
The Eye sits right beside it and Big Ben is just across the river.
It's a perfect place to use as a base camp. You can walk across the bridge and up the road and you're in St.James's Park. Everywhere is within easy reach.
A brilliant choice, Ame.
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