Just got back from the Health Centre where the lovely Doctor Amanda was delighted with the results of all my hours and hours of waiting around in the hospital before Christmas and once again declared me obscenely healthy.
Sheesh! What's a guy gotta do to drop dead around here?
That means next time I'm depressed, I can't just go running after trains and hope for the best, I've actually got to do something about it like buy a gun and shoot myself.
Bummer …
So I popped into the city to celebrate with a caffeine overdose and the most obscenely fattening thing on the coffee shop counter and a girl's voice said "Ooh! Leicester Tigers!" (I was wearing my nice new Tigers rugby shirt I got from Phil at Christmas).
I turned and there was a really pretty woman (mid-thirties, slim, red hair … Mmmm) smiling at me from the coffee queue.
So we sat down together and got chatting and …
inevitably she told me all about how her boyfriend and her are big Tigers fans …
… so we had a lovely chat about rugby and how wonderful her boyfriend is …
Arse!
Why do pretty women have bloody boyfriends?
Don't they realise that they can have me instead?
Bugger, bugger, bugger …
23 comments:
is 'bugger, bugger, bugger' yer pick up line? coz if it is, i think i can see where the problem may lie with the girls...
just a thought.
good to hear yer fit and healthy.
You are healthy. Be happy.
And not all pretty girls have boyfriends. I am currently single.
On one hand, I'm glad to hear you healthy, but on the other I'm sorry the friendly girl was just friendly. I heard a story on NPR this morning about all the eligible men in Iraq have been killed off over the last couple of decades, and the young pretty women are nervous. Maybe you could design private schools for girls in Baghdad.
lol gaijin girl! Or perhaps Dive's lack of success on meeting this pretty girl on this first occasion was due, on top of saying bugger in the first sentence, to his launching into his recent bout of Humbugitis and also explaining he was on his way home from hospital, peppered with enticing details of suicidal tendencies and which he was musing were the best methods? Oh maybe too he was, horror of horrors, passing out naked-bum-in-tights photos of the recent musicians' party, from which he was still recovering? Just a thought...
Oh poor Dive. Here you are telling us your story and looking for insight, and all of us sit here and amuse ourselves at your expense. You know we love you, right?
Lynn, your chain topics was very funny. hee hee
lol, er yes, as gamely championed by Robyn, we do indeed love you really. Why else, with all the abovementioned information (maybe a little too much, Dive)would we still be here, hanging on your every considered and well-turned word? Being girls, we're simply (well no, agreed; nothing is simple with us) rising to the challenge of helping you along the way or rather to merely avoid further disaster in your chat-up lines during your quest to find a suitable, yes suitable Dive, lady partner. This is all, Dive, this is all. (Yes there's a little sniggering going on, but .. in a GOOD way, a good way Dive).
You play a guitar and still have trouble picking up weemen? what else is wrong here? do you walk around covered in blood or picking yer nose? and yeah work on those lines.
Hee hee.
I'll have you know I can be quite devastatingly charming when I want to be …
… though that's probably better for picking up men.
What the hell do women want?
(there you go; that's your next assignment)
The Saga of PhilosopherPants just might continue. Stay tuned.
Ooooo!
May you have better luck than me, Sassy.
So, how do we get a date for Dive? Hmmm...
I think that's one of those Douglas Adams type paradoxes; if I get a date, the universe ends …
What do we want? Ooh goodness how long have you got? Perfume, fidelity, love, romance, truth, honesty, jewellery, heavy things carried and built, LOL !
Actually, i could list a lot of things that a lot of women want like money, money, dresses, shoes, diamonds, attention and more money. Cynical but true of quite a few women. Sorry to betray, ladies, but you know it's right.
Myself: simple, having had some of the above, i know they are not so important as - being genuine, honesty, kindness, love, closeness, trust, romance; very simple things really, but then i'm probably a bit of an old fashioned girly girl. I do love perfume and jewellery, who doesn't like the finer things of life, but would easily do without in favour of the above. Does that help? What do the other girls here think?
Needless to say it goes both ways. What do YOU want in a woman Dive?
Lynn, you forgot the most important: The ability to pick up and dispose of spiders (I can do that) …
As for what I want in a woman? I fell a post coming on …
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...must contribute your excellent health to excess frottage, right Divey Boy? Good for the ol' cardio-vascular system! I know...been around doctors & hospitals & nurses & cute orderlies all my life...Mom's a retired surgical nurse! ;-) WOW LYNN! You sound like ME! At my age...that's all that really matters...honesty...love...compassion...sense-of-humor...calm...love of life...don't sweat the small stuff...oh, and toss in some HOT perfume by Ralph Lauren and some dark chocolate and I'll peel your grapes forever! Ohhh...hmmmmm...a fully functioning healthy cardio-vascular system doesn't hurt either! ;-) How DO we wander off into the gutter so often?
Lynn has covered it, I think. I could do without the stuff, honestly. I love shoes, but jewelry, unless I make it myself, doesn't do much for me. And I can buy my own dark chocolate.
What I want is truth and kindness, complete respect and equality. I want my opinions to matter and vocations to be accepted as valid, even if they don't earn money. I want every day communication to come with happiness and joy and not struggle and frustration. And I want my man to inspire a grin instead of a heavy heart.
And one who will kill spiders gladly, and not as if he were being asked to haul a load of fire wood, would be nice.
LMAO Robyn! Loooooooooove your "firewood" analogy.....so MALE tho isn't it? ;-) Would you believe once I sat four--count 'em, FOUR plastic bags of garbage in the garage, just on the other side of the door that opens out into said garage...and my "first child" stepped over them...not once...not twice...heck, let's just skip to FOUR TIMES before I had to reboot his domestic work program!!! GEEZ! Sometimes I really KNOW I need a WIFE! LOL! Divey Boy, you just bring out the best in your harem doncha? ;-)
Not - perfume, jewellery, hearts, flowers, chocolates, the 'c' word (cuddles), shoes, frocks, money...
Um.
I may not know what I actually want but I certainly know what I don't.
Just did quite a long comment but it got wiped. Grr! LOL Robyn for firewood thing, totally!
Also vocation thing. I put this attitude in my novel in the form of Bob the ex-husband; loathesome character.
Dive so you can catch spiders? You're more than halfway there. Now get on with the 'what i want in a girl' post (should i rephrase? probably) we fillies await with bated, scented, choc'd, prettily shod, floral but highly intelligent breath. Spinsterella although quite unique from the rest of us, i admire her focus and am intrigued.
Can't wait, Dive, and hope you are working on it now.
Nope. I'm doing my Japanese homework like a good boy.
hey dive- i'm chiming in a bit late here. but i get the same thing once women find out that I'm married. They somehow feel free to flirt. Maybe they feel safe. Anyway, don't knock yourself out of the race just cause she has a boyfriend. ;)
Ooh Rich, controversial, controversial... mustn't interfere on boyfriend's territory, i say and neither should she be tempted.
Japanese homework over working out your rest-of-life needs? Therein lies your error, Dive.
Pssst! Dive's a swot, pass it on.
I am too Dive, don't worry, the eternal student. I actually pounce on my son's school bag for helping with homework but he hardly lets me. Can't think why, i'm GOOD at maths! Hope your Japanese talk goes well konnichiwa arigato gozaimassu. Yes, how are you thank you very much is about the extent of my knowledge. That and ... sushi.
Maybe your preoccupation with Japanese women is turning them off Dive. Who wants to compete when you have a thing for these beautiful women who cannot be competed against if you are not of that descent? hmm.
I am reading all of your blogs like a male Bridgette Jones Diary! Love it! (Don't feel you must reciprocate I know my life is NOT a fascinating novel for strangers. HA! )
I think if these woman can all adore you so much (especially Lynn wow) surely you know you are actually quite a catch. Maybe you've even met someone by now( I haven't read up to date) but I think it's going to have to be one or the other: a huge commute w/a huge blogging life OR possibly an online romance with less bloggy pseudo-romances. I'm sure a job change would work miracles but you may be getting set in your ways by now. Hmmm.
I am using up all my reading time taking in this Brave New World for now but I wanted to encourage you (as some sort of payback attempt :D ) whilst I'm here, and say that you are quite an amazing person and hardly ugly-goodness sakes! Maybe you don't feel like this a year later though-hope not! Have a great weekend!! Stay away from the inbreeds!!!
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