Ame and her hubby are visiting London in February and she has asked for some tips on language and culture to ease their path.
Here are a few simple "London" rules to start them off:
- Taxi drivers only accept large denomination notes (that box thing in the front is full of change; they get rid of it for the banks).
- Never tip a London taxi driver; they find it offensive.
- When alighting from a crowded bus or train, it is considered polite to stop just outside the doorway for a few seconds and admire the view.
- All ticket machines in London accept US coins.
- In restaurants, braying into a mobile phone is considered a sign of sophistication.
- Smoking is permitted in all museums and galleries.
- Prices given by taxi and bus drivers are open to friendly haggling (you should need to pay between half and two-thirds of the quoted price).
- Given our "special relationship" with the US, American tourists have preference in London. Always proceed to the head of any queue, simply waving your passport and stating clearly "We're Americans".
- In London's many food markets, browsing shoppers are encouraged to take a piece of fruit, free of charge, from any open-air stall or display.
- "No Smoking" signs refer solely to cigarettes. Cigars and pipes are permitted.
- Always stand on the left side of escalators, leaving the right side free for those in a hurry.
- To hail a cab, simply step into the road and raise your middle finger to the driver.
I hope these tips will be of some assistance, Ame.
Should anyone wish to add to this list, the comments box is open and waiting.
24 comments:
hehe, thanks for the sunday night (in tokes) laugh. excellent list.
i can highly recommend making eye contact with people in the street and on the tube. i also used to smile and throw in varying versions of g'day. these measures to approach the locals are met with all the warmth a londoner can offer. good times.
Hee hee.
Make eye contact in London these days and you get panhandled or mugged.
It's odd: try to talk to someone or smile at them on the tube and they'll either glare frostily at you or edge away from you nervously.
Yet as soon as it judders to a halt between stops and half the lights go out, everyone's friendly and chatty and smiley all of a sudden.
Weird people, us Brits.
when i first got to london i was so surprised because everyone was so unfriendly. i can't tell you how many off-ies i refused to go back to because they were not friendly enough. and when i say not friendly, i mean they didn't acknowledge the customer's presence in any way - even when serving you. quite the skill.
hehe, everyone wants a pal in a tube shutdown. if that was tokes, it would be the perfect time for the chikan to get into action!
Yes it's called Fear that makes us all chat politely in times of uncertainty!
Love this list, how i chortled to myself! Particularly the alighting one, though you may need to explain 'alighting'. Simply means getting off. No, Ame; from the bus or train! Her mind's like a sewer, that gal.
I'll add that, when asking directions, you might get a better response from Londoners if you pretend not to speak English. They love foreigners and are only too pleased to help. Your attire, too Ame; wearing a full black robe with only a slit exposing your beautifully and heavily made up eyes is the IN-THING. You won't believe the glances you will get, let alone the comments.
Hee hee. GG.
Talking of Chikan, I was once felt up by a woman on the tube. VERY strange experience!
Nice Jack Straw joke, Lynn.
As for giving directions, I'm always getting asked (I'm told I look trustworthy … Hah).
I use the rule that, if they're polite, I'll give them the right directions (and occasionally even walk them to where they need to go), but if they're arrogant or American, then they get very precise and polite directions to completely the wrong place.
still waiting for my chikan...
Dive, I can't believe you would give incorrect directions to Americans--which means you would give ME wrong directions if I were in London and lost. I'm offended!
When we were preparing for a our first trip to London, a friend told us there will be a special place in Heaven for London taxi drivers. And, indeed, they were all very nice and friendly. The rules on escalators are strictly enforced.
Many apologies, Robyn. My tongue as always was firmly in my cheek there.
If they're Democrats, they get nice directions; Republicans get the bad ones. Hee hee.
Actually, the usual thing with Americans is they ALWAYS seem to get on the tube going the wrong direction. I don't know why that is but I keep having to tell them to get off at the next stop and cross over, before they end up miles out of their way.
London cabbies are really good. I hope Ame doesn't follow my directions with them!
As for the escalators; whenever I really need to run up them to catch my train at Liverpool Street, there's always a big family with suitcases jamming the whole thing up. That's when a Knudsonesque mastery of Anglo Saxon comes in really handy.
A strange experience for YOU, Dive. Welcome to the world of women. I used to think it was a London custom to get felt up on the tube, it happened so often. One guy, after i'd been pushing his hand away from my bottom and waist, actually slipped his hand under my sweater and under my bra, cupping my breast calm as you like while we whizzed along like the proverbial vertical sardines in a tin. When i let out some verbal objections loud enough for my fellow sardines to hear, he said to them, wincing politely, "i'm sorry, we're having a domestic." then to me, whining in quite a well-spoken voice, "God darling, how many times do we have to apologise to you women?" then again to other sardines, in sheepish explanation, "I didn't come home last night. I'm in the dog house."
Obviously i said i hadn't seen him before in my life but by that time he'd gained admonishing but kind tight-lipped smiles from women and positively joyous wide-eyed grinning nods from the men. I stood alone, his hand intimately fondling my neck until i could 'alight' at the nearest stop.
Ame; you have been warned.
I've a big strong man in my life thanks Gorilla, though at that particular time i didn't.
WOW DIVE! You're Amazing--THANKS!!!! And THANKS GG & ROBYN & LYNN...But GEEEZ, I'm going to have to sit down with this for awhile and soak it all up...let's see...I think I have this right?!?
We drive on the right...hail on the left...walk down the middle and toss out the window--rubbish that is, right? OH! And there's absolutely NO fine for that either right???? Does the UK still cane their vict...perps?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...back to the Dive Drawing Board (he's an architect ya know? Very alluring, all that concrete and steel and load stuff!)...anyway, think I need a tutor!!! =)))
Ok Ame well three quarters of your comment i didn't understand (!) but one thing i picked up - make sure your husband does NOT toss out of the window. Wouldn't be great.
LOL Lynn...Dive, excuse me while I clear this up...my 91yo Dad always says I was vaccinated with a phonograph needle..and when I talk I sound like a duck eating buttermilk...guess that all translates to a LOT and at a fast pace! ;)
Ame I look forward to seeing your 'fanny pack' and finding out if you are as spunky as most Americans I have met....
MB!!!!!!!! I'll BET you are...DODGY BRITS ANYWAY!
Hmmmmmmmmmmm....didn't I read something about "fanny confusion" in one of those online British Slang blogs awhile ago?
Do fill me in! ;)
Dive, don't tell him about my reputation, pleeeeeeeeease? Have to have SOMEthing reputable to model at the Frolic!
Nope MB...thank GOD...not a smoker!
Anything else to be leary of? Specially in dimly-lit British pubs???
EEEEK! I'm scared...think I better take a bodyguard along TOO! ;)
Oh, you are so mean. So, so mean. Why not just tell her that standing to abreast on escalators is fine. Do you want your friend to get killed or something?
Awwwwwww thanks for coming to my rescue Sassy! SOMEONE'S gotta look out for MOI!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! LOL!;)
We love to be told what a 3rd world country we live in and how much better and bigger the states are, don't forget to remind everyone that if it wasn't for you we'd all be speaking German, then wait to be thanked.
YIKES DIVE!
The title of this post just NOW caught my eye and made me go...hmmmmmmmmmmmm! Could one possibly think it just a tad dodgy...perhaps?
Maybe an EDIT is in order...wouldn't want everyone thinkin' they needed to be reaching into their pockets for some coins now would we?
And this comment IS at the very very verrrrrrrrrrrrrry end of this thread...where no one will SEE it right?
Thought so! ;)
LOL Old K. Yes Ame, do mention what a great time the GIs had too, enjoying the hospitality of the young women of England, whose husbands and boyfriends were away and what game gals they were indeed. That'll go down well.
Ame, a friendly GF word in your ear. No matter how pleasant Mountainboy seems, do NOT, i repeat do not, promise to show him your fanny.
Do tell us how quaint our funny little streets are and conspiratorially wonder with us how we manage in our backward little villages which have no mall - people here love to hear this - oh and shout. Loud. We're all hard of hearing, as you know.
Poor Ame.
With friends like us (Sassy excepted), who needs enemies?
Just remember: Don't do any of the above and you'll probably survive.
Lynn...
Such a spoil sport! ;)
I won't show nor will I tell! ;)
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