As this is going round and round in circles (see comments to the last two posts), I'll refine my original question to "Regardless of what a woman might (or might not) want in a man, what is it that first attracts her to him … and how the fuck do I get hold of some of that?"
25 comments:
Boy, Dive. This is a tough one. I don't think there is a concise answer to this one, and the answer would be different for everyone. Some people are initially attracted to humor, some to broad shoulders, others to the eyes.
I always went for quirky when I was younger, but it got me nowhere. When I first saw my husband, a year before we even met, I thought he was adorable, and I wanted to meet him just because of that. It was that shallow. But once we did finally meet, and we sat and talked for hours as friends, the personality is what hooked me. We got to know each other as friends first.
Dive- you have to become "the bad boy" wear a leather jacket or something that makes you look mean and they will swamp you.
And have a pair of handcuffs hanging out of your back trouser pocket...ooooooooolala! ;) Love ya Divey Boy! And I hardly even KNOW ya! Does that make ya feel better? BTW, I wear my heart on my sleeve...it's a blonde, California thing!
I'm too pissed at my friend's now ex-boyfriend to write about this. I did write about what we don't want.
OK, feeling less cynical now.
There are some men who I drool over becuase they are just handsome. But guys I'm interested in usually make me laugh or say something really out of the ordinary to me. My guess is that you have that.
OK, on a more serious note...and because I'm probably closer to obtaining my Senior Citizen card than any of you here (EEEEK!) and therefore have SO much experience reeling in the male species (21 years today folks...old ball and chain never felt HEAVIER, LOL!)...anyway, for the record...this gets me every time! A secret stolen glance...somewhat reserved smile...and that look of self-confidence that says, "I KNOW she'd like to talk to me..." There ya go...done deal! ;)
Ame, I know that look, and you're right. The guy doesn't slobber or grab or even speak, just looks, and it comes from something that can't quite be defined.
Yes the look. As i said in the last set of comments, it can be something very slight over a crowded room.
Also, people trying to impress really turns me OFF. So Rich, take the leather jacket back to your mirror where it belongs i'm afraid. The 'i've got, i am, i have, i've done, i like, i think, i i i type of man' is one long bore. Just be yourself i know that sounds too vague but trying to 'be' what you think someone wants is often wrong. Genuine, courteous, interested, kind, funny and conversational probably does it. Looks are way down the line. Pretty much incidental, really.
Here is a timely article that just appeared on the yahoo home page
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20070102/sc_livescience/howwomenpickmatesvsflings
An excerpt:
Women seem to judge potential mates by how masculine their features are, new research shows. Men with square jaws and well-defined brow ridges are seen as good short-term partners, while those with more feminine traits such as a rounder face and fuller lips are perceived as better long-term mates.
Fascinating but i still think it's not looks. Robyn you and i both need to learn how to make links within a comment. Help anyone? Two damsels in distress...
I saw that Yahoo post too. I'm afraid I didn't agree.
I've been thinking some more. I have to believe that the guy thinks that he's worth my attention. I guess the word for that is confidence.
So, confidence, humor, and intelligence. I'm not a fan of snobbery of any stripe. Looks matter too. I'd be lying if they didn't, but they don't matter as much as some people think.
Three necessary and attrative characteristics, Sassy. I think the point of the yahoo article was to introduce science in to the human connection--suggesting it's about subconsciously picking a mate based on who will produce the strongest and healthiest offspring in order to further the race.
Just muddies up the waters, I say. I'm not sure how that figures into "the look."
And now that I look over all of our banter, I'm not sure if Dive is going to be able to find any help here. Well, we tried, babe.
Should we all maybe take a break...perhaps some tea..and a muffin, Dive? ;) Collect all our collective thoughts and bang out a good solid hypothesis!
Just back from a splendid evening's Japanese class, expecting maybe one or two comments …
Yikes! I've got a whole womans' magazine to read!
I still say it's looks.
I'm confident, funny and intelligent, but women just aren't interested in finding that stuff out.
If I make eye contact with a woman (and I don't mean a drooling leer), I usually get a flinch, then a "turn away in distaste", occasionally followed by a hostile glare to see if I'm still there.
Thanks for all your kind words anyway.
It isn't looks. Maybe you're trying too hard.
Make 'em laugh and you're half way there.
Sure that's not the case Dive, could be that they're shy, or establishing the first look to be added to later on, though by then it sounds as though you've already written them off! Slow down and take it step by step i reckon.
hmmmm where's old "k" when we need him? he's been quiet on this topic.
Show em your dimples dive and they'll love ya.
you know... that "look" the ladies were talking about.
OK, Dive. I sort-of answered the question. I'm also asking my blogpals to asnwer my questions.
Ame; bad girl! How very RUDE! No-one else commented on your words; am i the only one with that sort of mind - i.e. one like yours? LOL.
When you find out, do let me know. And ladies, if there's a magic potion to keep them around for more than half a year, please share.
Hee hee, Ame. Gutsy to admit to being a butt girl. Makes me wonder if we have all been up front about that sort of thing in offering up hope for Dive. Butts are nice.
Hey, the one thing I DO have going for me is a great butt (if I get drunk enough I might even post a picture) …
NOOOOOOOOOOO ROBYN! Kate's the BUTT girl! LOL! But now that ya mention it...Hmmmmmmmmm...Here's a nice bottle of CA Cab Divey Boy...Dive in! Geeeeeez, your name pairs up with a LOT of words! =)))
Utsav: keep them around for more than half a year by continuing what you were doing when you both began! So many men relax into the relationship a bit too far, becoming slovenly, uncaring, unbothered, unclean and untruthful. Not suggesting that's you of course, but well, you asked...
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