Hokay …
It's time to psychoanalyse the British Empire using the statues on the front of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in Parliament Street.
Europe is naturally dominated by Brittannia, proud of her naval power and her empire upon which the sun never sets.
We also like horses and oak trees.
And erect nipples …
Asia.
More erect nipples, but - like Europe - at least covered in admittedly flimsy material.
Asia likes Indian elephants and pepper trees.
Africa!
Proudly bare-breasted (the only porn available to the Victorian adolescent was an endless succession of "native maidens" illustrating their schoolbooks, and … er … statues like these) and sporting great hair.
Africa likes bananas, children and a peculiarly goofy-toothed hippopotamus.
Now you know.
Ah, Australasia …
Land of convicts and sheep.
And that's it.
At least she's clad with a modicum of decency.
Look out! Here comes the New World!
A brazen, bare-boobed maize-wielding woman in a feather head-dress, brandishing a flag;
and behind her, a horse with its head on fire (I think it's supposed to be a bison - sorry: 'buffalo').
That pretty much sums up America.
So what have we learned about the British Empire and its attitude to the rest of the world?
We're patronising, ignorant and we love boobs.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
So which continent are you?
