A Pox on BT

Just a quickie to say that I am an internet-free zone at the moment.
As soon as the village gets broadband again I'll be back but until then, toodle-pip!

WTF Monday

Quiet Corner

Hey, it's half-past week already. Stand on tip-toes and sniff the air; there's a faint tang of weekend on the breeze.

Up until a couple of weeks ago this was my familiar morning walk along the Thames during my seven hour a day commute. By Wednesday I would be desperate for the week to end.

In Smallville, however, every day feels like a sleepy Sunday. Here's a quiet little corner (the whole town seems to be made of those) with quaint, pastel cottages clustered around the church.

Relax. The weekend will be here in its own time.

WTF Monday - BP Special

In sympathy for the folk living around the Gulf of Mexico, here are a couple of shots I took in May, 1978 when a Norwegian supertanker, the Eleni V rolled over and split in half on a Norfolk sandbank.



I was reminded of this at last Saturday's beach party. Thirty-two years later the odd tarball still turns up in the sand.


That same sandbank now hosts a wind farm: an elegant and renewable "fuck you" to Big Oil.

Not 500 Words

Hey ho.
Much as I am still jumping around and whooping with delight at no longer being stuck on a train for seven hours a day, all that time stuck in a cramped little seat unable to move did give me the time to write my weekly story.
So … no story this week.
At least not yet, anyway. Busy, busy, busy.

Henceforth 500 Words will be an occasional rather than a weekly series. I'll post up the stories as they come in and then set the next sentence.
In the meantime …

Meanwhile, Back In 1972 …

Before I hung up the old cape I would satisfy my gadget lust in the Metropolis branch of the Apple Store.

Now I'm back in Smallville things are … er … somewhat different.

It's worth clicking on this to enlarge it enough to appreciate its full glory.

Yes, I know they spelled wizard wrong but I have a feeling this is not so much for Harry Potter fans as ageing acolytes of Roy Wood's early seventies glam rock band, 'Wizzard.'

No, I have not yet dared to venture inside but I suspect that when I do I shall not find rows of gleaming Macs to play with but dusty shelves creaking under the strain of ancient PC components and cassette-powered 4-colour video games consoles.
Which might actually be fun come to think of it.

WTF Monday - Fashion On A Stick Special

Many thanks to Katie for spotting this on her trip to Laos.

Size Isn't Everything

Yet more of the culture shock I am experiencing on hanging up the cape and moving back to Smallville:

Both Metropolis and Smallville boast banks …

In Metropolis they are boastful,

and in Smallville, beautiful.

I know which I prefer.

500 Words XLV - This Week's Sentence

This week's sentence is taken from 'Father Goriot', by Honore de Balzac.

The sentence is:

'No more gherkins, no more anchovies; they have made a fool of me!'

You know the rules. Let rip your wit upon it.

500 Words XLIV - Story Time

This week's sentence was taken from 'Barchester Towers', by Anthony Trollope.

The sentence was:

'There was nothing poetic in the nature of Mrs Quiverful.'

Just the one story so far this week:

Dive's 'Some Sage Advice For Students'

A cautionary tale relating to careers advice.

A River Runs Through It

More culture shock from my recent move.
Both Metropolis and Smallville boast a river.
See if you can guess which is which.

WTF Monday - Public Safety Special

Welcome to London.

Home of the Dumb Public.

Goodbye Metropolis, Hello Smallville

Big news from the Small Glass Planet this week:

Having served my 99 year sentence on the commuter trains from Hell, I am at last out on parole and shall never again have to endure the 4:40AM alarm calls, the early morning scream of horror, THIS and being forced to go to bed before nine every night when all my friends are out enjoying themselves.

For anyone sufficiently masochistic, here is a link to all my old posts about the sheer Hell of my commute. If ever I think I've made the wrong decision and get all nostalgic for lunchtimes in St.James's Park I shall click that link and read the tales of terror within.

Yes, I have finally left Metropolis, hung up the cape and have taken a job at the architectural practice of an old college friend in Smallville. Look out Lana Lang!

I plan to post a series of photos from Smallville which should illustrate the degree of culture shock I am experiencing.

This is the kind of food shop window I am used to in Westminster:

Fortnum and Mason of Piccadilly.


And this is what I shall have to get used to from now on:

Francines Home Made Pies
of Thoroughfare, Smallville.

As you can see, the apostrophe has not yet reached this far into the wild. I hope one day to pluck up enough courage to try one of Francine(no apostrophe)s pies and will let you know whether the fare is thorough or not.

More dispatches from Smallville soon.

500 Words XLIV - This Week's Sentence

This week's sentence is taken from 'Barchester Towers', by Anthony Trollope.

The sentence is:

'There was nothing poetic in the nature of Mrs Quiverful.'

I'd love to find out more. Feel free to tell me.
The usual rules apply.

500 Words XLIII - Story Time

This week's sentence was taken from Emily Brontë's 'Wuthering Heights.'

The sentence was:

'The minute after, she had sidled to him, and was sticking primroses in his plate of porridge.'

Vanda apologised for not writing a story based on this admittedly tricky sentence but what she actually wrote was something a whole lot better.
Check this out:

Vanda's 'The Eldest Sister - A Fairy Tale'

I can only genuflect unworthily in utter admiration at the feet (and feat) of Vanda this week.
Wonderful wit and invention abound in this deliciously twisted take on a tale from childhood.
More, please!

Getting back to Emily Brontë (or not):

Dive's 'Crazy Little Thing'

A tale of first loves, new and old.
And porridge.
And boogers.

Eww.