Friday, December 10, 2021

Parp and Blart

 

It's England, it's 52.6 deg. North, the City Hall clock reads 3:28PM and the sun disappears below the horizon.

All's well and peaceful at the castle. The nasty modern materials in the picture will become the roof over the much needed wc block. The new stuff outside the keep is Gabriela, Erin and Dan's kingdom. I tried to persuade them to put a proper lead roof on the wc block but they pointed out that it would cost many thousands more and besides, you cannot see the roof from anywhere (unless you actually jump off the battlements directly above it).

Inside the keep (my kingdom), the archæology is protected and the old floors cleared out ready for the restoration of Henry 1st's palace.

I decided on a whim to have the boys make up some alpenhorns …
Actually they're the connectors between the rainwater downpipes and the existing sewer but we all enjoyed parping and blarting down them … as you do.

Friday, December 03, 2021

At Bloody Last …

Finally …

After weeks of faff and blather and daily commuting to bloody Cambridge, we've moved into our temporary orifice while the builders bugger up our old building.

I still have no interweb at home but at least I can post from the orifice now.

This is our little side office off the main room. That's Simon on the left, looking uncharacteristically stern, then Dan the mad Viking with his man-bun and David D with a head even shinier than mine. Emily and Erin couldn't be arsed to turn up and unpack their boxes.

I've got my mug of coffee and my little wooden cathedral so I'm settling in nicely. It's only a three minute walk to the castle from here so expect an update soon.

Friday, November 12, 2021

Normal Service Will Be Resumed &c …


 AUGH!

If anyone's been wondering why I've not responded to emails of late, my broadband has been as dead as a Norwegian Blue for the past couple of weeks. BT (British Telecom) have been living up to their anagram (Besmirch Toilet) by doing fuck all to help.

In the meantime, our temporary office (while our proper  office is being refurbished) is furnished and ready to move in to except BT (them again) are two weeks late in laying on our interweb so everyone is having to work from home.

Everyone except me of course, with no smegging broadband …

So I've been commuting to our Cambridge office where I can get work done but have no access to my personal stuff and will continue to do so until probably next Friday when BT have promised they will have sorted out our new office.

Hence the crapness of today's photo, taken by Alan, the Clerk of Works on what might be a pinhole camera. Having lifted part of the 1960s floor they have discovered a previously unknown seascape with island … or it could just be a damp and manky old piece of plywood.

Anyhoo, while I'm out of contact, feel free to play amongst yourselves and if BT ever get around to fixing my broadband I'll be back with you once I've waded through the gazillion junk emails that wait in ambush.

Monday, November 01, 2021

WTF Monday - You Know You Want One

In our last comments-fest, the subject of this peculiarly specific item came up. Too late to adopt this one but there are many other fascinating items to adopt up at the Castle.

If you want one of your own, ask at your local kitchen shop; I am sure they will oblige.

Monday, October 25, 2021

Notes from the Tudor Torture Chambers


Hokay … so the Boardman floor is almost totally removed and revealing hidden secrets.

While two of the Norfolk Museums folk play the "You look down; I'll look up, then we'll change round and start a nod-a-thon" game, Tim notices some Tudor graffiti that was hidden within the floor thickness and inexplicably gives a Nazi salute.

Looks like I'll be putting in yet another section of glass floor to display this from up above. Some nice sideways lighting to bring out the relief more sharply and an explanatory touch-screen doohickey.

There appear to be two sets of figures kneeling at a crucifixion, one with the traditional Catholic Christian cross and one with the Greek Orthodox cross, plus an angry-looking man brandishing a sword above his head. No doubt we'll learn more once it's carefully cleaned and recorded.

More scratchings from the Tudor torture chambers, including what looks like Balthasar, Melchior and Gaspar on the way to the Life of Brian film set … "Following a star? Following a bottle more like!"

Plus some swords, crosses, heraldic devices and a couple of unfortunate cement plaques from "10/9/31" which would have been the tenth of September, 1831 just as Salvin was re-facing the keep.

More from the pages of history as we turn them …

Friday, October 22, 2021

Wide Open Spaces

 

Enjoy these. For the first time ever we now have the complete keep stripped out and it's BIG!

No more prison buildings, no more Tudor torture chambers, just lots and lots of wide open space.

Just a few more pieces of Boardman's floor to be removed and we can begin reconstruction.
Once the Great Hall is complete you'll be able to walk in through the main arched doors from the Bigod Tower (top right) and not fall to your death. Groovy!

Innovative wiring solutions!


Boardman's roof-supporting stone columns and arches sit on top of the remains of the original spine wall, destroyed by Soane to make way for his prison cell blocks.

It's a fantastic space to just stand and gawp.
Unfortunately it will never be seen like this again (at least for many more centuries) so make the most of it. I just wish you could stand there and breathe it all in with me.

Next time: Tudor torture victims' graffiti uncovered at last!

Monday, October 18, 2021

Floating Æthereally

Gabriela gazes up at the top of the Bigod Tower, Britain's first flat-roofed porch extension.

Nobody's been able to see this properly since the 1700s but we're changing that. Where I'm standing is in the upcoming, glass-walled Education Centre atop what was the old 1960s block (currently being smashed to bits for which HUZZAH!); Gabriela is floating æthereally in the air just outside.

Hokay, so she's actually standing on some scaffolding and leaning on a safety rail but were that not there she'd be floating somewhat æthereally … or falling with a scream … er …

Betwixt us and the keep, one floor down will be a spiffy glass-roofed atrium so visitors will be able to see the east keep wall and the Bigod Tower in all their glory once more.

While we're here, let's nip up on the roof and see what we can see …

Quelle surprise: it's Norwich Cathedral.
This is from the south-west; I usually see it from the east end out of my office windows.

…and here's my office from the castle keep roof.
An award-winning 1969 Brutalist "masterpiece" overlooking the river and Pull's Ferry. I'll be moving out of at the end of the month as it needs a complete overhaul which will take at least a year.
 
The temporary office we're renting is only a two-minute walk from the castle which should make things a whole lot easier for my creaky old hips. It also has the unheard of luxuries of heating and cooling! No more scarves, woolly hats, thermals, lap-blankets and hot-water bottles in the winter and the ability to breathe in the summer. 
When we - eventually - move back those amazing things will have been added to our old office. I can't wait! In the meantime, look out for more Norwich Castle updates.

Tuesday, October 05, 2021

More Progress at the Castle

The unfeasibly small hammer from the previous post has at last done its work (each flint had to be recorded before being removed for storage while we tunnelled through the wall) and so here's a photo of the interior of the keep as never seen before.

All the prison era crap and Victorian tat has been stripped out of the keep and we're ready to get mediæval on its ass.

Friday, September 24, 2021

Hey, Let's Tunnel Our Way In To The Prison

Sounds like a plan …

Hell, the wall's only ten feet thick; hand me that unfeasibly small hammer.

And lo, they tunneled their way into the prison to find that it had ceased to be a prison a-hundred-and-fifty years ago.
We've been removing Boardman's floor to reveal the full volume of the keep.
See that door way up there on the right, with the fire exit sign? That's the original doorway into the Great Hall and pretty soon it will be restored to its original use.
You can make out the floor level of the Great Hall running round the keep walls.

And way over yonder, that big dark arched opening is the kitchen fireplace at the other end of the Great Hall. That's the door to the garderobes to the left and above those will be the minstrels' gallery.

That huge stone arch shape was going to support the main floor as part of William Rufus' original build in 1086 but it was abandoned when the east wall began to fall down the mound and was replaced with a massive spine wall (see the first couple of posts in the Norwich Castle link).

Just the other side of the three yellow guys is another yellow guy who's just crawled through the re-opened doorway in the top photo. That will be the main entrance to the archæological display area.

Tim, Gabriela and Erin wander off in search of coffee …
Nearly all the stripping out and archæological investigations have been done; it'll soon be time to start putting the Royal Palace of Henry the First back to how it should be. 
 
More to come … Don't miss it!

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Twelve Cellists Play the Chase music from Butch and Sundance … Who Needs A Reason?

Radio 3 played this at me on my drive home just now and it cheered me the hell up. Hope it does the same for you.

Monday, September 20, 2021

Meanwhile, Back in the Land of the Crusty Cumtwang …

There is a bunch of occasionally amusing pedants sequestered in this sceptred isle who name themselves the Plain English Campaign.

Their raison d'être is admirable as they were founded in the dark, Thatcherite years when management gobbledygook conquered the world and sucked all meaning out of sentences.

Their own Gobbledygook Generator is an absolute joy, especially during dull meetings, but their success has led to the execrable horror that is the Microsoft Word "Conciseness" Tool (shudder).

This po-faced piece of crap constantly rebukes me for using English for the sheer joy of the language, nagging me that conciseness would make my document easier to read and suggesting the dullest possible alternatives to pleasurably purple prose.

'Twas reading Nashe that jogged me into this train of thought, when - rather than the plain English of, "King John, in the ninth year of his reign …", our Tom writes, "King John, in the ninth year of the engirting his anointed brows with the refulgent Ophir circle …" Much more fun, I am sure you'd agree.

A couple more examples from the same page; the first a description of the sea battle off Sluys, where our forces, having encountered the French fleet, "there so sliced and slashed them, and tore their planks to mammocks, and their lean guts to kites' meat, that their best mercy was fire and water, which hath no mercy, and not a victualler or a drumbler of them hanging in the wind aloof but was ribroasted …"

Lastly a description of the defensive walls of Yarmouth, "They have towers upon them sixteen; mounts underfonging and enflanking them two of old, now three, which have their thundering tools to compel Diego Spaniard to duck, and strike the wind-colic in his paunch, if he prance too near them."

Forsooth, marry and hey-nonny-no, I feel a distinct temptation eftsoones to commence a Campaign for the return of Elizabethan English. Who's with me?

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Crusty Cumtwangs - Safe to Use at Work

To save you trawling back through old comments-threads, the byre-yard photo added a nice new word to Katie's scrabble list, but today I found a better one.

Reading Thomas Nashe's "Lenten Stuff" of 1599 - as one does - I came across a corker.

Nashe was one of the Shakespeare, Robert Greene, Christopher Marlowe gang of writers, poets and critics who liked nothing better than insulting one another in hilariously OTT purple prose pamphlets. Reading their diatribes is a good source of a Covid-busting giggle or three.

Anyhoo … In the intro to "Lenten Stuff", which responds to a critical pamphlet about a play he'd co-written with Ben Jonson the previous year which got banned and got them both a brief spell in the clink, our Thomas beautifully berates his critics for being "Those greybeard huddle-duddles and crusty cumtwangs" being "struck with such stinging remorse of their miserable Euclionism and snudgery …"

Much as I love "snudgery" my insult of the day simply has to be "crusty cumtwangs".

It actually means "miser" so it's safe to use it at work and I hope you introduce your colleagues to it at your earliest opportunity.

Lenten Stuff is available dirt cheap in the Penguin English Library paperback of Nashe's "The Unfortunate Traveller and Other Works" (including some racy porn poetry which got him into all sorts of trouble).

It is actually a satirical piece in praise of Great Yarmouth, which, as long-standing Blogville residents will know is the arsehole of England. Anyone who can refer to that stinking shithole as "ten-thousand-fold delicate paramour of Neptune" and "redoubtable Sophy of the floating kingdom of Pisces" in the same paragraph has got to be worth a read.

Crusty cumtwangs. Use it today!

Monday, September 13, 2021

Where The Hairy Heck Am I?

Or rather, where the hairy heck was I when I took this photograph.
I'll give you a clue; it's at the entrance of the David Attenborough Building …
but then just about every city in Britain has a David Attenborough Building.

Friday, September 10, 2021

Friday Morning Wood - With Added Brickwork and an Iron Cramp

Bugger botox. The older and gnarlier we get, the more attractive we become. Witness the touchy-feely textures on this beautiful byre-yard wall, built in 1830 (from estate records) in the last days of George IV, now home to a whole garden's-worth of plants, moss and lichen and good old creepy-crawlies.

Monday, September 06, 2021

Thursday, September 02, 2021

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

What Lies Beyond

This one just screams out for an Edward Gorey story.

The long abandoned gate; the well-trimmed beech hedge left to its own devices.
I can just picture his creatures lurking around here; characters from The Doubtful Guest, The Gashlycrumb Tinies, The Haunted Tea-Cosy …

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Wednesday Window

When a dour and austere classicist building gets attacked by a parasitic growth.
A fine example of the bracket fungus Neo-Gothicus Cantabrigii.

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Accidental Art - Workshop Tabletop

You know those moments when you simply have to stop what you're doing, clamber up on a tabletop and take a photograph of it and say "Hot damn! I want that framed on my wall"?

The girl who'd been using the table thought I was batshit crazy until she saw the result. Then she complained that "I can't stop looking at it now!" and shoved a load of papers over it.

No pleasing some folk …

Friday, August 20, 2021

Friday Morning Wood

I just love the negative space between this pair of painted pilasters, forming the shape of a kind of upside-down minaret.

Erin does most of our London period house interior design schemes and she's lately tended to use this "distressed" technique a lot. I asked her what it was called and she said she didn't think it had a name, so we've named it Erin's Technique for Going Totally Apeshit With a Paint Scraper.

For me, the jury's out, as I like to conserve original wall finishes rather than attack them like a psychopath, but it certainly produces some accidentally artistic effects.

So here we go with yet another photopost string: Accidental Art. More coming soon.

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

It Puts The Lotion In The Basket


It's Wednesday, so there must be an archæologist in a well.
That's just the way we roll around here.

This is the third well discovered at the castle. The earliest one, used by the workmen on the original Norman build was discovered just outside the bridge and excavated as part of the Castle Mall works.

The main, flint-lined Royal Palace well was uncovered by Boardman in the 1880s and remains a much-loved part of the keep.

A long-conjectured third well, from around 1300, when Eddie Longshanks built his new palace against the north wall and started storing prisoners in the keep was uncovered and explored during our extended Lockdown Dig.
The top part had been re-lined with brick, probably by Wilkins as part of the panopticon prison build, and the well had been used as a soakaway.

Cleaned and safely capped and vented it now provides a seating area for a happy smiley archæologist, complete with a convenient echoey shouting tube.

Monday, August 16, 2021

WTF Monday - The Adventures of Thomas Kinkade in the Seventeenth Century

Meanwhile, back in the 1680s, tacky kitsch crap collecting was all the rage.

Skymall, eat your heart out.

The only difference is that this stuff is actually collectible, as opposed to "collectible". It's probably worth a fortune and its survival is also a sure fire indicator that this person does not live with a cat.

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

More Conservation Cuteness

 

Here's a little treat for you.

We're back at that Victorian model farm where the thousand-year-old oak lives.

Here, with roofing repairs almost complete, is a super-cute little building. The right hand side of it contained the milkmaid's lodging (the large building on the right is the dairy and milking parlour) and the left hand side contained the game hanging room.

Now that the roof is almost watertight conservation can begin on the interior and on the lovely arcade that shades the game hanging room.

The Victorian "mock Tudor" chimney stack for the milkmaid's quarters was restored as part of the roofing works.

And finally a sneak peek inside the game hanging room prior to the next phase of the conservation work. Check out those gorgeous tiles and the stained glass.
Imagine the day after a shoot; all those racks festooned with dead game birds, rabbits, deer and the occasional peasant who got in the way.

Ah, the good old days when your meat was left hanging until it was just rotten enough for the pot.
It's still like that only they hide it away these days, stuff the baby animals full of antibiotics and growth hormones, slaughter them before they've had the chance to grow any decent meat on their frail bones, then slather what's left with chemicals, pump the carcasses full of water to add fake weight and encase the pitiful remains in phthalate-ridden plastic guaranteed to make your descendants infertile.

Ah, phthalates … To paraphrase the wonderful Dr. Shanna Swan in her recent study "Count Down", since the near universal introduction of phthalates (plasticiser - it makes your plastic packaging soft enough to mould) and other endocrine disrupting chemicals in the late fifties, average penis size and sperm viability has reduced at a constant rate of 1% per year and is still going.

Between 1960 and 2021 that's a 61% reduction.
It makes us old guys grin at young and fit millennials.

In addition the wonderfully named AGD (ano-genital distance) has been reducing at the same rate. The age of gender fluidity is not just a fashion, it's a scientific fact.

Women rejoice! Your grand-daughters will inherit a male-less planet. All thanks to the wonder of phthalates.
By the bye, the US is now constructing the world's largest phthalate producing factory complex.

Gosh, that skewed a bit off topic.

Saturday, August 07, 2021

Upstairs Downstairs in The East End - 1680-1760: Episode Four

Having started our Upstairs Downstairs tour in the attic we finally find ourselves in the basement where Mrs. Bridges awaits us. The tea is brewing, there's cold game pie on the table and griddle cakes ready by the fire.

The kitchen is the beating heart of the house. From here the more presentable maid or manservant carries food and drink up two floors to the breakfast room and dining room.

Once the family upstairs has finished their meal the dirty crockery and cutlery will be brought back down here where the scullery maid waits by the stone sink to wash up (and snaffle any left-overs), admire the pictures on the Delft tiles in front of her and dream of a better life.

The clean crocks are then strictly arranged by Mrs. Bridges on her dresser, this example of which is actually part of the central wall of the building, dividing front from back.

This beautiful dresser is in the basement of the museum in Dennis Severs' House, home of the Spitalfields Trust and was where Dennis and his "man" cooked and ate right through until his tragically young death from AIDS at Christmas 1999.

The servants eat gathered around the kitchen table, home of the precious sugar mound and Mrs. Bridges' accounts ledger, scrupulously kept.

Above the table hangs a whale-oil lamp using spermaceti oil, which burns without the smoke of a candle lamp.

Prior to the petroleum boom of the early twentieth-century, the hunt for spermaceti oil (a wax taken from the heads of sperm whales) and whale blubber oil (rendered from the blubber of right whales [so named because they were the "right" whales to hunt, being friendly and non-aggressive] and just about any other species they could catch) saw vast fleets of whalers setting forth from Nantucket. Ahab ahoy! Take the oil and leave the meat to rot …

This is the reason we have so few whales left; not Inuit, Norwegians and Japanese people eating them (or indeed the Brits during post-war rationing when it was the only meat available until the Americans sold us Spam and Argentinian corned beef).

The household "help" - from Mrs. Bridges, keeper of the keys down to the scullery maid at the bottom of the heap - socialise here in the kitchen in any spare moment they can. Store and pantry doors hidden in the wall panelling lead to other basement rooms including the coal cellar and sleeping quarters for any not fortunate enough to get an attic room.

The least glamorous job in the household is that of scullery-maid. The rear basement behind the kitchen houses the scullery.

Here the poor girl cleans and prepares the vegetables to be used in the kitchen, does the laundry and any other jobs nobody else wants, hides from the unwanted attention of the older males upstairs and probably sits in that chair and weeps a lot.

This then was life in a Huguenot silk merchant's house. Not long afterwards the British Government removed their trade protection and ruined the silk-weavers, the area was bought up by private landlords and swiftly became slum housing.

By Dickens' time these houses were in a terrible state of disrepair with two or three destitute families crammed into every room. Most were lost in the Blitz to Nazi bombs and a lot of what was left was knocked down and redeveloped in the planning nightmare that was the 1960s.

The Spitalfields Trust (then the Spitalfields Historic Buildings Trust) was formed in 1977 to sally forth and battle the encroaching behemoth of London's City Financial District. With the Tories in government they fight a hopeless rearguard action so please visit it while it still remains and bring the Mighty Tourist Dollar in support.

Friday, August 06, 2021

Upstairs Downstairs in The East End - 1680-1760: Episode Three

Perhaps I shouldn't have called this little series 'Upstairs Downstairs' as it's more a case of 'Front Stairs Back Stairs'.

You've seen the state of the servants' quarters in the back attic …

Now pull on your clothes, make yourself presentable and tip-toe quiet as a mouse down the back stairs with me as we get the day ready for the silk merchant's family.

One of the first jobs will be to wake up the fires we banked only a few short hours before, and not just in the main rooms … most importantly the master likes his morning poo to be made more pleasant by the warmth from this cute little fireplace with its lovely Delft tiles.

The chamberpot from under his commode will be emptied into the pit in the rear yard later, awaiting pick-up by the honey cart tonight. Downstairs, Mrs. Bridges has the scullery maid boiling water fit to burst as breakfast is prepared.

Dust the steps and polish the handrail and balusters on the main stair. You'll be seeing more of this one on Sunday Stair posts.

And now here comes the master out of his bedroom, expecting his breakfast to be on the table by the time he and the family convene in the breakfast room.

Yes, I know the Bridget Riley on the wall is not contemporary with the Huguenots but this is someone's house, not a museum.

The family rooms are somewhat better appointed than the servants' quarters. That's because servants are there to serve! To skivvy and sweat and slave and stay out of sight and mind … unless of course it's the mind of the master of the house dwelling on the body of the new maid.


The family spends most of their time in quietly elegant and understated rooms on the first and second floors (that's second and third to the Colonials) while their weavers' looms clack overhead.

There is a small and somewhat pious library for the childrens' tutors and a harpsichord for the more frivolous evenings, though never on a Sunday.

The ground floor is grandest of all and is reserved for the silk merchant and his customers. The servants must wear livery when in attendance.

As with the windows on Gilbert and George's house, buildings continually evolve with changing fashions. A glance up at the arch cut into the cornice tells us that the original Huguenot front door was full height and arched, opening into the specially cut recess.

Later Georgian residents inserted a glazed fanlight and a shorter, square-headed door. MUCH later, the current incumbent was gifted some numerals one Christmas and - so as not to damage the Georgian glass - held them in place with Blu-Tack, of which I approve.

Customers would be welcomed into this small but exquisitely proportioned front room on the ground floor, containing a table laden with bolts of the most fabulous silks, also visible from the street to entice any potential buyers who would cruise Spitalfields browsing for silks through the merchants' front windows.

Should the customer be a regular or look promising, the rear wall of the little front room would be opened up (this is the other side of it; note the hinges) to reveal the full stock of silks in a much larger stock room beyond.

Silk weaving - as with Worsted making in Norfolk - was highly skilled and protected from foreign competition. We've already dealt with the Calico Riots earlier.

Eventually, however, the East India Company went too far and after the Indian Mutiny the British Government took over the China and India trade. The vast profits were now coming into their own coffers so the trade tariffs were removed and the Spitalfields silk trade ruined along with Norfolk Worsteds.

It'll be a while before that disaster, however, so we'll just pop downstairs to share a cup of tea with Mrs. Bridges in the final post.