Alien Cloud Bully

Apropos of nothing at all, and because I'm still recovering from my breakdown, here's something gentle from Gerry and me, sitting on his patio, listening to the birds.

Feel free to sing-a-long-a-Joni.

Cross-winds up high had clouds scudding at right angles to one another.

Then along comes this cloud like an alien sea-slug and starts chomping on the other clouds.

It ate up most of 'em and chased the others away.

True story.

Have a relaxing weekend, folks.

Now We Are Four

Well, I'm back online at last and today happens to be the fourth blog-birthday of old, old blogpals Robyn and Dive.
Happy birthday to us!
Yay!

I'd blow one of those party things but I don't have one.

Or a cake.

Dammit!

Having got back on line, however, I find myself with nothing to say, so I'll just wish Robyn a Happy Blog Birthday and then ingest copious amounts of caffeine and alcohol until I can think of something.

No Time To Blog

Sheesh!
There was ice all over the car this morning for the first time this autumn. Thank goodness for quick-clear windscreens. I'll soon have to park the thing in the garage every night.
Hey ho.

I forgot to post anything today and I've spent so long over breakfast and chatting and shopping in the city that I really don't have the time - or the inclination - to write anything worth reading.

So here's a happy, happy, singalong song for Saturday to round off my week of non-dating woe; the beautiful Susanna Wallumrød (you know I have a thing for weird Scandinavian chanteuses) singing "Love Will Tear Us Apart", from Susanna and the Magical Orchestra's astonishingly lovely album of covers from a couple of years back, "Melody Mountain".

If you're waiting for the drums and guitars to come in you've got a bloody long wait.
Susanna deconstructs classic rock songs into things of stark minimalist beauty.
Her versions of Prince's "Condition of the Heart" and Laughing Lenny Cohen's "Halleluiah" rip out my still beating heart, tear it into tiny pieces and leave them strewn about the carpet.

Go buy it. And all her other stuff, too.
Because I said so.
And I am always right.

Short Nothing Filler Post (yet again)

At last my back is sufficiently healed that I can limp about without my stupid stick.
Mind you, I still lurch like Quasimodo's uglier brother.

On the way back from breakfast and shopping in the city this morning the news bulletin reported the return of Mandy to government and the OJ trial verdict.

Er … What the fuck?

I thought I'd gone through a time warp into a past only slightly less hideous than today's fucked-up world.
Then I realised what must have happened: at long last they've run out of news.
We've finally reached the point in time where we've done every crappy thing that it's possible to do so we've now got to go back and suffer it all again in the form of fucking repeats.

Somebody on the News Quiz this week mentioned that the world today seems like the eighties in reverse: America invades Afghanistan while Russia is the oil rich crapitalist haven for billionaires.
It's like they're taking turns.
That is so fucking annoying.

At least John Mc.Cain will be happy; in a few years he can go back and invade Vietnam again.
I don't understand how the man can possibly stand there with a straight face and say "Vote for me! I'm proud to remind you that I took part in an illegal war where America got it's ass kicked by people in pyjamas! And they kicked MY ass, too! That makes me an ideal candidate for President."
I've been keeping out of the US for a bit as what I've got to say would only upset people. This, however, is an entertaining read from today's Guardian Book Reviews.

Is it just me or are we just re-hashing past fuck-ups?
Whatever … if the eighties comes back, no WAY am I getting a poodle perm!
Shit … a fat, balding bloke in spandex. That's too grim to even think about.

Don't mind me … I'm just sitting here in the dark, listening to old Rickie Lee Jones albums and feeling crappy.

Nuthin' Much

I'm off to the kitchen to commit vegicide and to try out some new dishes for the "What's Cooking With Dive?" series.

While I'm in there, here's The Carter Family singing "Wildwood Flower" at the Grand Ole Opry.
Enjoy your Sunday.



On a totally unrelated subject, hidden behind the Olympics and the South Ossetia crisis, the BBC reports that the Philippines military are having a little spat down in the Southern Islands with the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.
While this is a very serious subject for those on both sides one can only wonder at the acuity of whoever gave the Islamic separatists the acronym MILF.

Not Perky

Yeah, I know it's summer but I'm still in a foul mood.

What the fuck is wrong with humans that we feel compelled to get depressed?
What possible evolutionary advantage does that give us?
And if it turns out not to be evolutionary but God-given, what kind of sicko deity would stick that one on us?
Fuck, fuck, fuck …



Can you tell I'm not feeling especially chipper today?

Intermission

Off to London with The Monkey God to do the touristy thing today.

Pooped

Whew.
I've been far too busy to blog today.
For those who sent their support, Amanda is as happy as can be today so thank you on her behalf.
As for me, I'm knackered and I'm going to bed.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz …

Advertising Feature

It's fucking snowing yet again today. At five this morning I couldn't even find the road so I told the office I'm taking a snow day and went back to bed.

As I really don't have the heart to take any more fucking snow photos, here are a bunch of my favourite Natalie Dee drawings (if anyone isn't already a fan, you can find her here … she rules):

mmmmmmmmmmmm …

Boxes For Dummies

I don't know why this is funny but it just is.


Peahen, why does this remind me of you?

Hoorah for sweary girls who can't cook for shit

'merica … 'nuff said
Ooooooh!

This is your children, blog-moms.

So … another crap filler post, but at least this one makes me giggle.

Still Feeling Like Shite

Meanwhile, here is some light music …
… or maybe not …
… er …
I'm listening to Bach, but if you can't hear it you'd better hum to yourselves.

Blah

Apologies for the lack of Dive.
The computers have been down for days at work and I'm just blah at the moment and don't have the time to do anything.
Hey fucking ho.
Whatever doesn't kill me will make me … er … older.

Filler Post

Well, it's Smothering Sunday here in Blighty and Old Dive is too busy to post, so here's a picture of some hunky firemen for Lynn and the ladies.

They were hanging around outside Debenham's yesterday, looking at some storm damage and not really doing much (except being hunky).

If you've ever wondered what they keep hidden behind those roller shutters on the sides of their fire engines, now you know.

Nothing Day

It's Sunday.
It's gloriously sunny (but cold enough to almost freeze my fingers to the car when I washed it this morning).

Current status:
Dusting and polishing and dancing round the house to Belly.
Completely and utterly blog-dried.
I have nothing to write about.
Can't you guess?
Hey ho.

Shoot The Weatherman

What a let down.
What a great big sloppy turd of a non-event.
I got up bright and early this morning, ready to drive down to the coast and take dramatic photographs of the spectacular flooding brought about by the highest storm surge in fifty years and it didn't happen.
Arse.

I mean, great!
If you live on the coast like Mayuko and Shona and Steve and a whole bunch of my mates (especially Neil who lives underneath the sea wall at Sea Palling and twenty feet below normal sea level) then it is wonderful news.
It just makes for a sucky blog post.
Nothing new there, then …

Arse

Oh, joy of joys.
A stupid training day.
I'll be stuck here most of the day.

I'll post my melee and pop round to see you all when I get home.

Pip pip!

Back Shortly

A brief hiatus will ensue.
My office in London is being refurbished and I won't be back there until midweek. In the meantime I am dashing around between schools so blogging must take a back seat.

I'll still comment when I get a minute free.

Toodle pip.

Duh

It's Friday and I'm stinkingly busy today, so here's a quick no-brainer (yes, another one … I know, I know … One day I'll kick my fat ass into gear and actually write something).

This is one that our Scout posted a couple of days back.
Apparently it's some game called Scattergories …
I hate it when a twatty manufacturer with no ideas if its own takes a game you can play with a piece of paper and a pen and sticks it in a box and charges people money for it.
This is one of those.

We play a dirtier version of it at work.
Using a piece of paper and a pen.
I've filled in Robyn's and added a few of the cleaner categories from our office version at the end.
By the way, we call it "girl's name/boy's name".
Duh …
And we don't charge money for it.

If you have no brain today, fill it in. Use the first letter of your name (or any other letter you fancy; it doesn't bother me).

1. Famous Singer/Band: Deanna Durbin (2 points)

2. 4 letter word: Dodo

3. Street: Downing Street

4. Color: Damask

5. Gifts/Presents: Dirndl (Crap present, I know, but that's all you're getting so shut up and play with it).

6. Vehicle: Daimler Dart (2 points)

7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Devon fudge (How come you can buy Devon fucking fudge in every single tourist tat shop on the planet)?

8. Boy Name: Dilbert

9. Girl Name: Dede

10. Movie Title: Donnie Darko (2 points)

11. Drink: Drambuie

12. Occupation: Dustman

13. Celebrity: Dom De Luise (2 points)

14. Magazine: Dirty-Pillows (I dunno? I can't reach the top shelf but there's probably one called that).

15. U.S. City: Detroit

16. Pro Sports Teams: I have no idea what US sports teams are called (other than the Cornhuskers and the Indians and the Cubs, thanks to Maria and Scout). But as they don't begin with "D" I'll say the Detroit Something-or-Others.

18. Reason for Being Late for Work: Dead person splattered all over the bottom of my train … again.

19. Something You Throw Away: Dirty Dishcloths (2 points)

20. Things You Shout: DAMMIT!

21. Cartoon Character: Daffy Duck (2 slightly unhinged points)

22. Author: Dickens

22. Book Title: David Copperfield

23. Composer: Dvorak

24. River: Dee

25. Country: Denmark

26. Vegetable: Dulse

27. Fruit: Damson

28. Flower: Dandelion

29 Body part: Duodenum

30 Rude body part: Dick

31. Disease: Dengue Fever

32. Bodily function: Diarrhoea

33. Expletive: Dagnabbit!!!

I win.
Can I go home now?

Day Off

No post today … well, other than this … as I'm taking little brother to see some dinosaurs.
Wheee !
Perhaps we'll see Jesus riding one.
I'll post photos.

Gone Shopping

Day off today. I'll be trawling round London's Japanese supermarkets gathering ingredients for tonight's end of year party at college for our lovely Japanese class.
Yes, I will take a camera.

In the meantime, feel free to amuse yourselves.
If you've got no games to hand, then masturbation is fun.

Internet Pisser

So, where have I been since last Wednesday?

Well there was this tornado, see; and it picked the whole house up and blew it into some weird TechnicolorTM country and when it landed there was this pointy-nosed bint squashed underneath it and she was wearing these rather divine red shoes which were just my size, so naturally I nicked them and then all these vertically challenged people kept dancing round and singing, and somehow I had a basket with a small, yappy-type dog in it who was named after the Japanese word for tampon (とと) …

Rather more prosaically I have been at home for a long weekend and totally unable to get a connection good enough to even load a blog page.

Fuck.

And I'm back in London for one day only, so I'll be out of touch again until next Monday.
Ah, the downside of living somewhere beautiful but isolated. Crap internet connection, no mobile phone signal (which pleases me greatly as I don't have one and it means anybody popping in to see me has to talk to me instead of rudely yapping into their hand while I sit there twiddling my thumbs) and no satellite TV signal (which is great because I don't have satellite and don't watch telly anyway).
The internet is a pisser though.

So that's where I've been and that's where I'll be until Monday.
I might even write something worth reading then.
But not today.