Showing posts with label 500 Words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 500 Words. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

500 Words IL - Story Time

Sheesh! The forty-ninth 500 Words assignment. Next up is the big Five-Oh, so anyone who's been dithering and not writing recently better get their asses in gear for that one.

Only two tall tales this month. Brew up a coffee, sit for a little and enjoy.
The assignment was to write 500 Words based on this photograph:

First up is our Robyn.

Robyn's 'Jean And The Café'

Robyn writes about food better than anyone else I know. If you're not heading for the kitchen at the end of this you have no soul.

Dive's 'Breakfast On The Day That It Happened'

A true story from Clothilde's café (well, true except that 'she' wasn't late and I have no idea what JD's name is - he may indeed be named after Jacques Derrida but he's probably not).
And yes, yet another story featuring a waitress.

I'll post assignment no.50 in a little while. Sharpen your pencils, peeps.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Look Out … 500 Words Is Back Again …

Yup.
Y'all know the rules. They're here in the 500 Words sidebar if you don't.
I've left it too long since the last one so it's a bit hurried but your assignment for this month is to write no more and no less than 500 words based on the breakfast photo below.
Post 'em up and I'll stick 'em on here as per usual.

Have fun!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

500 Words XLVIII - Story Time

Are you all sitting comfortably? Do you have coffee?
If not, get your arses into gear because there are stories to read.



First up: the current assignment in case somebody's still writing or about to write.
Here it is (well, a link to it anyway).

And here are the stories:

First up came Vanda with a truly delicious story that - amazingly - managed to combine both the photograph and the quote, so double points there.


Vanda's 'The  Honeysuckle Twins'

I am so in love with crazy Liza.

Next up comes our Dear Prudence, with a beautifully written and untitled tale that really gripped me by the spooky bits and refused to let go.
I'm posting it here in its entirety as Blogger is throwing its toys out of the pram and refusing to let Prudence post it on her own blog.

Enjoy …


Prudence's Story

“Some limited and waning memory of Herbert Ashe, an engineer for the Southern Railway Line, still lingers in the hotel at Androgué, among the effusive honeysuckle vines and in the illusory depths of the mirrors." Not unlike this place Marisa whispered aloud, putting down her book. She did not speak to anyone in particular.

Having moved in to a historic 1880’s Victorian duplex, this past March, Marisa was trying out life as a single person again for the first time in 24 years. The quietness was a shock to her system for the first few weeks. The fact that the house was still clean when she arrived home from work each day was still an unexpected surprise. Over the last few months though, Marisa grew into her new role as single lady although she no longer felt alone.

Odd things started happening almost as soon as she was settled. The light across the street on the campus of the Prep School; founded in 1845 was the first thing she noticed. Logically, it was a motion-activated light and that is why it would blink on or off randomly. Illogically it only did it when she looked at it while having a smoke on the stoop. If it was on, it went off. If it were off, on it would be in seconds of her first puff. At first she laughed it off but it became almost an obsession and one that seem to react to her. She caught herself one night, after too many glasses of wine speaking out loud “if someone is trying to get my attention then turn it off”. Blink, blink, and off it went. Marisa looked around hoping someone else might have witnessed that. The dogs would not corroborate her story even though they had similar stories to tell of late. She would catch them staring in the corner of the ceiling in the parlor. Ears raised and eyes wide looking at …nothing? Seamus now refused to walk down the hallway father than the first bend. Each night she would have to pick him up and carry him to bed. Stella simply tiptoed, doggy style, head low until she reached the bed. This was very odd behavior for a fearless Jack Russell. One night just as she felt herself sinking into that haziness of sleep she no longer felt alone. Living in a city the ambient light pollution illuminated her room. She scanned it quickly. Nothing. Corners in the house felt full at times and empty at others. Again, she spoke out loud “listen, this is my room. I work hard and need my sleep. I don’t care if you want to stay here but you can’t be bothering me when I try to sleep”. Marisa felt silly but that “not alone” feeling went away and she drifted easily to sleep. When she got up the next morning to make coffee she noticed her pepper mill sitting dead center in her salt receptacle. She would never make that mistake; she didn’t even like her vegetables touching on her plate. Little pieces of pepper always fell out of the bottom she would never have put that there. Pouring her coffee she walked past her newly acquired antique mirror that now hung in the parlor. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse… or not.

Spooky, huh?

And bringing up the rear are my own two stories; one from the photograph and one from the quotation.

Dive's 'With Gods On My Side'

… which is a true story. Honestly!

and Dive's 'Tango'

in which I went looking for Androgué and discovered it's a suburb of Buenos Aires where Borges used to live. Then I got totally sucked in to the history of Argentina's nineteenth century railway boom, where the whole thing was shipped over from England and built by English engineers using Scots, Irish and Criollo labour and by the time I surfaced from my research Herbert Ashe's fate was sealed …

Next assignment coming soon.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

500 Words XLVIII - May's Assignment

Hokay … Short of poking you sharply up the bottom with your own pencils, how do I encourage you story writers to actually write stories?
I tried a change from weekly to monthly assignments and from quotations to photographs but to no avail. So - to highlight my own lack of imagination - I shall now combine the two in the vain hope that one or more of you will tell me a story.
For May's assignment you have a choice between basing your story on my chosen photograph or on a specific line from literature. If you're really up for it you could try both, either singly or together.
Also, the deadline will be two weeks from today, to give you less time to forget all about it.

This assignment's photograph is another one I took in Paris, though with no Eiffel Tower in it you could of course base your story anywhere.


If you don't fancy the photograph, the alternative is a quotation is from Jorge Luis Borges' short story, "Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" and it is: "Some limited and waning memory of Herbert Ashe, an engineer for the Southern Railway Line, still lingers in the hotel at Androgué, among the effusive honeysuckle vines and in the illusory depths of the mirrors."

The rules are the same as they've always been. Five hundred words - no more and no less - inspired by and incorporating either the quotation or reference to the photograph.
Oh, and don't rely on Word's dumb word count as it counts "…" among other punctuation as a word. And don't write any sentences as confusing as that one, either.
I've already written one story based on the photograph, which you can find in the usual place, should you wish.

Gird your pencils and go for it.

500 Words XLVII - This Month's Story

Sheesh!
Giving writers a deadline a month long was obviously a bad move. You guys are worse than Charlie Brown when it comes to homework. Give you a whole month and you resolve to write something at midnight on the night before it's due to be handed in and then you fall asleep and forget.
Actually, that used to be my tactic at school, too …

So … in case any of you have a guilt trip and decide to rush into class late, brandishing a story with the edges all torn from where a dog tried to eat it, I shall leave April's story assignment open and will post any late stories if and when I receive them.

In the meantime, you're stuck with just the one story this month:
Dive's 'An Englishman In Paris'

… in which I bewail the fate of the English abroad, make an excellent decision regarding weemen and moan on and on about my private Parisian bugbear: viz. that in the world's most beautiful and vibrant city, rather than pave their paths properly they strew cat litter everywhere, and it ruins my shoes.

May's assignment will be posted later today. The deadline will be tighter. You have been warned.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

500 Words XLVII - Final Warning

Just a reminder: your 500 Words assignments for April are due in this week.
Here's the assignment in case you've forgotten.
Those of you who leave their homework until after midnight the day before it's due in should sharpen your pencils now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

500 Words XLVII - This Month's Assignment

Get your pencils and notebooks ready, people. It is time once again to plunge headlong into the fœtid fecundity of your strange and twisted imaginations and come up with either a story or a string of excuses for not writing one (either will do as long as it's precisely 500 words in length and includes reference to this month's photograph).

Here is your assignment photograph (click it to enlarge):


I have to confess I am inordinately proud of this one. I love the contrast between the vertical elements and the huge, roly-poly bronze ass. And that Magritte-style man tickles me in all the right places.

So … contemplate it for a little while and then get writing.
We have a new rule this month, specifically for those of you who have lots of ideas and who really love writing. You can enter as many stories as you want, provided they are no more or no less than 500 words long and are inspired by the photograph. They can even be separate chapters of the same story if you feel 500 words is not long enough to say what you want to say.

I already wrote one story this morning (it took around fifteen minutes so telling me you don't have time to write just isn't going to cut the mustard, buster), and I may well have another go before the month is out.

Here are last month's stories all collected together if you're looking for inspiration:

Lulu's 'Breasticular Enhancification'
Vanda's 'Tuesday'
Lulu's 'This One's For Dive'
Katherine's 'Ivate's Private Lot'
Dive's 'Parking For G'.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

500 Words XLVI - Story Time - 3D

Hokay, so I confess that this post may look 2D to you, but you need special glasses to get the full effect. However, reading Lulu's story may well make it seem like 3D.

Yup, Lulu has really come through with her SECOND story from this one assignment. Yay! That's a total of five for the month. So far …

Lulu's 'Breasticular Enhancification'

Dontcha just love that George W-speak title?
Lulu assures me that this is the story she intended to write before she got all hot and steamy and dived nekkid into the pornography pool for a good splash around in her hilariously over the top tale: 'This One's For Dive.'

This new story sees the return of the gloriously dysfunctional Benni and her long-suffering roomie. Smart, sassy and funny, it is also all too believable.

Enjoy!

Just in case anyone's missed the month's stories so far, here are the others:


Vanda's 'Tuesday'
Lulu's 'This One's For Dive'
Katherine's 'Ivate's Private Lot'
Dive's 'Parking For G'.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

500 Words XLVI - Story Time - Extra Again

Wahey!
This is incomparably splendid. We now have four (count 'em … FOUR) stories for this month's 500 Words assignment. I was only really expecting one. Hoorah for people with … er … "vivid" imaginations.

Vanda's 'Tuesday'

This explains so much about life.
While Vanda has been lying on the couch and dozing something strange and wonderful has crept from the nether regions of her mind to regale us with a gloriously entertaining tale.
Brew up a coffee and join us in her fevered imaginings.
You know you want to.

Here are the other stories so far, in case your coffee is one of those American "bucket" sizes:

Lulu's 'This One's For Dive'
Katherine's 'Ivate's Private Lot'
Dive's 'Parking For G'

Enjoy!

Friday, March 25, 2011

500 Words XLVI - Story Time - Extra

I needed cheering up this week (a friend I had known since we were kids dropped dead earlier and just as we were on our way to his funeral we heard that my much-loved uncle had also passed away), and so I must pass on a huge thank you to our lovely Lulu for breaking the pall of misery and making me grin and chuckle all morning.

Lulu's 'This One's For Dive'

… is an R-rated, sexed-up beast of a tale that dredges the fœtid depths of pornographic euphemism and comes up laughing its socks off.
Believe me: Lulu's erotic 'Jarvis' stories only scratched the surface; this one goes balls deep … ahem.

Katherine's and my own 500 Words tales can be found here if anyone hasn't indulged already, and there may be yet more stories to come before the end of the month and your new assignment.

Anyhoo, big hugs of thanks to Lulu for making this most awful week bearable.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

500 Words XLVI - Story Time

I know I gave you a month to write the stories this time around, but we already have two in so I shall post them here for the non-writers to enjoy, and post up any others as they come in.

Your mission this month (and don't worry if you haven't started yet - there's almost a month left before the deadline) is to produce 500 words inspired by and featuring the scene in Petrea's photograph in yesterday's post.

So far this time we have:

Katherine's 'Ivate's Private Lot'

Utterly delicious, dark and twisted and accidentally featuring the most hilariously inaccurate description of British teatime decorum I've ever read.
Wonderful! I am so glad we started this up again.


Dive's 'Parking For G'

I had a nice sentence to start this one, but after a dozen or so attempts to work a plot around it I just said "screw it" and wrote another Bartleby story. Pulp is easy and I am lazy, but I shall try to buck my ideas up for the next assignment.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Return Of 500 Words

Hoorah for Petrea!
I've been itching to restart 500 Words for months now, but until this morning and Petrea's fantastic "Zen Monday" post (already the inspiration behind my old WTF Monday series) my writing mojo had been suffering from erectile dysfunction. No matter how much literary foreplay I stroked it with the damned thing just hung there as limp as a damp sock. It's hard for a man when he can't get his pen up … or perhaps hard is not the best word … er.

Then I saw Petrea's photograph (reproduced with her kind permission):


How brilliant is THAT? My first thought when I saw those feet at the bottom was that you could write a hundred stories based around the picture.

So …
I've already written one (another Bartleby story - surprise, surprise) and it's over at my 500 Words blog.
It would make an old man very happy if more of you would join in and write your own tales of what might have happened in this garage parking lot.
Y'all know the rules.
Or at least you should do by now. If you need a refresher they're down in the sidebar on the 500 Words blog.
I'll make the new series of 500 Words monthly rather than weekly to make it easier this time around.
Let me know when your stories are ready and I'll post them up as usual.

Just to be clear: you can write whatever you like, as long as it is precisely 500 words long (the fun is in the editing) and at some point contains the scene in the photo.

Enjoy!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Not 500 Words

Hey ho.
Much as I am still jumping around and whooping with delight at no longer being stuck on a train for seven hours a day, all that time stuck in a cramped little seat unable to move did give me the time to write my weekly story.
So … no story this week.
At least not yet, anyway. Busy, busy, busy.

Henceforth 500 Words will be an occasional rather than a weekly series. I'll post up the stories as they come in and then set the next sentence.
In the meantime …

Friday, July 09, 2010

500 Words XLV - This Week's Sentence

This week's sentence is taken from 'Father Goriot', by Honore de Balzac.

The sentence is:
'No more gherkins, no more anchovies; they have made a fool of me!'

You know the rules. Let rip your wit upon it.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

500 Words XLIV - Story Time

This week's sentence was taken from 'Barchester Towers', by Anthony Trollope.

The sentence was:
'There was nothing poetic in the nature of Mrs Quiverful.'

Just the one story so far this week:

Dive's 'Some Sage Advice For Students'

A cautionary tale relating to careers advice.

Friday, July 02, 2010

500 Words XLIV - This Week's Sentence

This week's sentence is taken from 'Barchester Towers', by Anthony Trollope.

The sentence is:
'There was nothing poetic in the nature of Mrs Quiverful.'

I'd love to find out more. Feel free to tell me.
The usual rules apply.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

500 Words XLIII - Story Time

This week's sentence was taken from Emily Brontë's 'Wuthering Heights.'

The sentence was:
'The minute after, she had sidled to him, and was sticking primroses in his plate of porridge.'

Vanda apologised for not writing a story based on this admittedly tricky sentence but what she actually wrote was something a whole lot better.
Check this out:

Vanda's 'The Eldest Sister - A Fairy Tale'

I can only genuflect unworthily in utter admiration at the feet (and feat) of Vanda this week.
Wonderful wit and invention abound in this deliciously twisted take on a tale from childhood.
More, please!

Getting back to Emily Brontë (or not):

Dive's 'Crazy Little Thing'

A tale of first loves, new and old.
And porridge.
And boogers.

Eww.

Friday, June 25, 2010

500 Words XLIII - This Week's Sentence

Get your Empire-line frocks on, and watch out for rakes in too-tight regency trousers, for this week's sentence is taken from Emily Brontë's 'Wuthering Heights' (I defy you not to start singing the Kate Bush version).

The sentence is:
'The minute after, she had sidled to him, and was sticking primroses in his plate of porridge.'

You know the rules. Go get Gothic with it.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

500 Words XLII - Story Time

This week's sentence was from H. G. Wells' classic, 'The War Of The Worlds.'

The sentence was:
'There was something fungoid in the oily brown skin, something in the clumsy deliberation of the tedious movements unspeakably nasty.'

Vanda has come up with a doozy of a tale this week and has not only incorporated this week's sentence but a past week's as well:

Vanda's 'Bowl Of Dust'

John Steinbeck meets Todd Browning in an awesome and beautifully written story. A real slice of American history that I love from the first line to the last.
I really hope we hear more from Sam and his 'family.'

The only other story this week (so far) is:

Dive's 'Beach Blanket Blitzkrieg'

Off to the beach for some holiday romance. Eww. I've become Mills and Boon.

Next sentence tomorrow. The usual rules apply.

Friday, June 18, 2010

500 Words XLII - This Week's Sentence

I confess to rather liking this week's sentence. It is from H. G. Wells' classic, 'The War Of The Worlds.'

The sentence is:
'There was something fungoid in the oily brown skin, something in the clumsy deliberation of the tedious movements unspeakably nasty.'

You know the rules. Have fun and get messy.