Okay, let's get away from this stupid dating business. It's not going to happen so why bother?
Let's talk about ironing.
Letting slip the fact that I iron (never mind the fact that I also cook, clean, dispose of spiders humanely and provide a warm body for cold feet in bed, ladies) has provoked almost as much of a reaction as when I pointed out that denim skirts are slightly less sexually attractive than unblocking drains with your tongue.
Do none of you have a partner who irons? … None? … NONE?
Okay. Let's do something about it.
First up, try not ironing their clothes for a couple of weeks and see how much of a stink they kick up. Then just hand 'em the iron and go sit in their favourite chair in front of the TV with a beer.
The reason I iron is not because it's as much fun as drugs and sex; I iron because I don't like to go out looking like a moose slept in my clothes. And if I don't do it, then who the hell will?
Listen up, girls. Men say they're crap at ironing and do it really badly for a reason. The same reason as claiming they can't cook (except at barbecues where they can wear a pinny openly).
It's because we like having you around to skivvy for us. The same as we like sitting in front of the TV with a beer, or surfing the net for porn.
So rise up, sisters! Make the lazy fuckers do their share.
Deprive them of your sexual favours (or at least ration them to when you are in the mood) until they can do a decent job of ironing their own shirts.
Sneak up on them when they are online, then click on their "history" button to see the kind of filth they look at. Then, while they're still in the room, surf for pictures of men with huge cocks, to see how they like it.
And remember, if your partner has a personal password for "his" computer, he is hiding something.
Hee hee …
I do like stirring things up …
If I can't have a relationship, at least I can mess up other peoples'.
46 comments:
hehe, i haven't heard 'pinny' for ages. i think it's one of my favourite words.
i also have to do everything myself which is molto tedious. i try to buy clothes that don't need to be ironed.
I think all "macho" men are secret pinny wearers.
And I'll admit to buying a ready-crumpled linen jacket this summer.
Pinny=apron?
My husband irons his pants when the crease fades--I have his shirts done at the dry cleaners, so they come back on hangers and neatly pressed. As for anything around the house, I get nothing. In fact, while in pain last night because of a slipped disc or a pinched nerve or satan possessing my spine, I had to make my own dinner, hunched over the counter like a 90-year-old woman. So, today, I hate men. No offense.
None taken, Robyn.
I do hope your back gets better soon. That can be so debilitating.
And pinny = particularly girly apron with nice frilly bits round the edges (from "pinafore").
Astonishingly, I've never actually thought of having my shirts done at the laundry. Though thinking about it, a week's worth of shirts only takes a few minutes to iron and I'd have to drive all the way into Norwich, park and walk to a dry cleaners'. I think I'll stick to ironing.
It's too costly for me to do that, otherwise i would. Rather park and walk than iron to be honest.
Men; well. Dive, where do i start? I could write reams. Instead, i'll just say that whilst having shirts returned to me because there might be an ironed-in crease was annoying to say the least, the worst was being expected to do two jobs. When the children went to school and i too was working, why was i expected to be the one to do the school run before work, make their breakfasts before work, make dinner after work, clean, wash and iron, just like before. In essence, he came home from work to sit down and eat. I came home from work - to work! That was the shocker for me. I'm an old-fashioned girl really and loved the housey thing looking after my family but once both are working, shouldn't that change? I didn't just let him do all this but the rows and atmosphere he caused along with other issues i won't go into were too much to bear. Why did he have evenings to enjoy and clean clothes to walk into and food to eat just because of that thing between his legs? Well i suppose it had to be useful for something i guess... hmm that wasn't nice was it. No. Neither was he.
p.s. will you have any male blog friends left after today's post Dive? lol you traitor you. Wonder what Old K will say to it.
Lynn, I believe you and I have been leading parallel lives!
He sounds like something that got washed up from my grandparents' generation, Lynn.
I hope your current model performs better.
I suspect Old K has those Aberdonian fishwives queueing round the block to iron his kilt.
Sigh~Ironing got tossed to the local dry cleaners aaaaaaaaaaages ago...but he DOES know how to iron...think he earned an Eagle Scout badge for it...
And Dive...you wouldn't be starting anything new here...
Hey Girlfriends! We don't mind if there's only one Alpha male here do we now? Didn't THINK so! ;)
Does anyone know who invented the iron?
Ex-Boyfriend was an ironing freak. He made me feel wrinkled.
Hmm perhaps ironing services are way cheaper in the US than in the UK?
It's okay, Sassy; I've already slapped myself hard for the disgusting thought that popped into my head just then.
Dive. Really.
He ironed clothes. His clothes.
Of course, he had this disgusting habit of using the toilet as an ironing board....
eh? I'm lost now lol! the toilet?
Well that's one way of getting a man to put the seat down.
He had a tiny, tiny studio apartment. One of the only flat surfaces was the toilet seat. I bought him a small ironing board.
Oh, and Dive, he had pictures of me, thank you.
Oh, Sassy …
Please, PLEASE don't set me off down THAT road! I'm in the office, for goodness sake. The last thing I want is to get all unneccesary
I'm actually a pretty good ironer. I thought nobody would ever ask. Well I used to be. I don't trust myself not to burn the place down these days.
All unnecessary...
Figured if you were going to have bad thoughts, they should not be of ironing.
Oh my Dive! Hope you're keeping that surreptitious frottage in check! ;)
Well done, Mister H.
I think there's more of us out there than we let on.
Sassy; ALL my thoughts are bad.
And Ame; my frottage is overt.
WOW! ;)
I don't understand, and I don't want to.
Well thanks, you splendid people, for a thoroughly invigorating monday chinwag.
I'm now about to leave the office for the long drag home which will take several hours, so feel free to gossip behind my back.
Ciao!
And somebody please explain frottage to Sassy.
Jeez, I go away for a few minutes and look happens to the conversation. One of the best things that ever happened in my house (and I am not exaggerating) is when my husband installed a built-in ironing board in the walk-in closet, so it's always up and always out of the way--turn that last line into something "unnecessary." I would fix it, but I don't want to be called "mommy pants."
Hey fix away Robyn! I wear the toolbelt in this family! And I'm DAMN proud OF it! LOL! ;)
Eeew. Sorry. I looked it up.
LMAO SASSY! ;)
Ironing is for mentalists.....my hubby likes linen shirts...he gets to wear them once before I give them to Oxfam.
Wow who'd have thought an ironing post could lead to frottage? Very steamy.
Whoops!
Grovelling apologies, young Robyn, you cutie.
The "M-P" term is henceforth stricken from my lexicon.
Sassy, you shouldn't have done that; I spent the journey home writing you an explanation (of sorts).
As I'll be in a seminar all of tomorrow, I'll post it in the morning as I won't get the chance to post anything else.
Goodness! A welcome visit from the Private Life of Pants.
Hi there, Undercrackers. I am indeed a mentalist.
Ame and Lynn: I deny responsibility for the deluge of filth my comments page has become. It's all these weemen! If only I could attract them in real life …
Sorry. The researcher thing is in my blood. I had to look it up.
I'm so sorry. Didn't mean to do that to you.
Everyone, it was me. I made the talk dirty. Apologies.
To be fare to Sassy, I had to look it up too. I had a general idea, but I wanted a more completely definition. I'll wait for your explanation tomorrow, Dive. And I am very cute.
When your back's better I'll let you two fight it out over who's the cutest.
I've just gone back to your old photos and Sassy's eyes vs. Robyn on the lawn with an unfeasably large ball is too close to call.
Robyn's cuter. Called it first.
Nope Sassy...don't fret...it's AAAAAAAAAALL Dive's fault..he lamented...I expanded...you researched..Robyn validated and Lynn shot steam out her ears...wasn't it fun everyone? I don't get out much! ;)
Yeah, but I mentioned pictures. THAT was unnecessary.
Well, the picture of me on the lawn with that oversized bouncy ball is pretty incredible, but compared to Sassy and that beaming face, I would have to call it a draw.
LMAO @ Headache Kate...too FUNNY! Way to use reverse psychology! Or would that be perverse psychology, LOL! ;) Geeeeeeeez, this thread sure went to hell in a handbasket didn't it (42 F#CKING POSTS!)--I take partial credit!!! SORRY MR. DIVEY BOY!
Love the "headache", Kate. Brilliant!
And what's obsessive about ironing teeshirts and underpants?
Ironed boxers are infinitely more comfortable than wrinkly ones!
43 comments on ironing? c'mon people, Dive the whole feminine side thing has gone too far, you're turning into a gurl.
I only ironed cos the army made me but no more I say.
Yeah, what the fuck is going on?
My biggest ever comment bag and it's about IRONING!
I didn't say anything about the armed forces, but all the men in our family who're in them can iron up a storm.
Not really ALL about ironing was it though? Sexual habits certainly came in there like a welcome breeze up a skirt.
This gets more Freudian by the minute.
Just what IS the thing with ironing and sex?
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