Bloody Hell!
This "what women want and how do I get hold of some" business has sparked off such a deluge of comments that I'm somewhat overwhelmed.
As I'm back in Norfolk for the weekend, where - as you know - my broadband connection is made of mud and straw and powered by a donkey, my comments page (31 from the last post so far) takes a bloody age to load.
Therefore, I'm continuing it up here.
So: in answer to those comments thus far unanswered:
Kate:
Voldemort. Love it! Ew indeed …
Robyn:
Sugar daddy? The thought of bestowing my largesse upon a younger lady in exchange for her favours had never actually occurred to me before, yet it is strangely appealing …
Please thank your daughter for her suggestion. I would ask you to box her up and send her over, but Kundsen once sent me a girl in a box (we had airholes cut and everything); and our postal service is so dreadful that she never arrived.
She's probably rotting away in the corner of some postal depot in Dundee …
Old K:
I had always thought that romance in Scotland involved clubbing something over the head with a haggis, rummaging around under its kilt for a bit, then dragging it away if it was vaguely female …
Yet here you are distilling a lifetime's experience into "all a man ever need know about weemen". Wonderful and sage advice.
I'll definitely be buying a cap …
Ame! California Girl!
Yay! Definitely up for meeting in April. Just let me know closer to the time which day you're likely to want to meet up and I'll book some leave and we can "do" London. Whatever you want … And yes, I suppose that would have to include the big Lush shop in Covent Garden …
GG:
Boy, oh boy, girl; you've sure got me sussed. You've been poking around in what passes for my brain and found a biggie.
There are things that'll never appear on this blog that have shaped the way I am. I suppose I should say "thanks" for stirring the sludge and bringing them back up to the surface … and maybe making me think about changing things a bit.
By the way; a nice change would be if some Australian girl living in Japan developed an irrational passion for a tatty old English bloke and turned up naked on his doorstep … er …
Spinny:
There are indeed some regular women commuters on my train. I've referred to them in a past post.
"A Woman Called Horse", "Mary Hopkin, Witchfinder General", together with several who are grouped under "Shouty Bitch With Mobile Fucking Phone" are women I would perhaps date in some dodgy-prawn-curry -induced nightmare, but never EVER in real life … Yikes!
Oh, by the way; EVERYBODY please click on the "Shouty Bitch" link. I sincerely believe it is something the whole planet should read and act upon.
So thanks for all the advice, gang. I now know (sort of) what women want and how to go about getting it.
Will I actually do anything about it?
14 comments:
hey dive, tatty old english blokes aren't too bad.
i was worried i'd been a bit harsh as i've not known you for very long. still, it's always good to stir up the sludge once in a while.
take it easy.
Thanks, GG.
It was an excellent (and surprisingly pertinent) comment.
Now I'll just sit here in my sludge and take it easy.
1. I'm afraid Daughter #2 has seen a few dysfunctional relationships of late and isn't interesting--her hope for an absent mate in the future is just her way of slapping the adults in her life--ex: my sister's husband lives in the basement. But if, in 10 or 15 years, she's still available, I'll offer her your suggestion.
2. I went back to the previous post to read the comments i had missed (our broad band is squirrel powered, and they are much more energetic than donkeys). Gaijin Girl's comment summed up the comment-orgy, as she put it. The idea vs. reality suggestion is interesting. I like her clarity.
Oh, and Old K's most recent bit of advice was actually coherent.
Gaijin Girl, I think you did our dear Dive a service.
Dive, your description of your broadband service made me howl. Very, very funny.
Hope the sludge stirring helps.
Can't WAIT Dive! Already putting my "planning" braincells into gear! Give me your best "what-Ame-needs-to-know-before-heading-across-the-POND" tips & pointers...when ya get a chance of course...and aren't contemplating your navel OR all our RUDE comments (ok, I'll speak for MINE only, LOL!) OR chasing noodle-eating-Geisha-Girls! ;) xo PS: Robin, Knudsen, Sassy, you're ALL WELCOME to join in on the fun...the merrier the MORE right? =)))
Oooops, that s/b ROBYN! SORRY! Just got swept up in my typing frenzy....LOL! ;)
Don't worry about the misspelling, Ame. Even my mother gets it wrong from time to time. One of the key things I remember about London is the half-price ticket booth, similar to the one in NY. And the National Gallery, and the Tate Gallery, and the British Museum, and Westminster Abbey, and the lower level of St. Martin in the Fields. They offer lunch, which isn't very good, but the atmosphere is delightful. Ah, I loved London, and now I wish I could revisit. Another thing, on my first visit, I was frantic trying to see everything because I was sure I would never get a chance to go back. But I did get a chance, and the second visit was much more relaxed. A native might suggest you skip the tourist things, but I think you have to see it all once.
I also drove from London to Blackpool, which is an interesting experience.
You drove from London to BLACKPOOL, Robyn?
For a start, that's a REALLY boring drive, but far more importantly, the question WHY raises its head.
Blackpool? … er …
Forgive me for labouring this point, but BLACKPOOL????
I went there once for a wedding and spent an uncomfortable night fighting off the drunken advances of an acquaintance's fat and drunken girlfriend while he lay in a paralytic heap on the floor. Sharing hotel rooms at weddings is never a good idea (as Spinsterella can tell you).
Blackpool! Ugh! Even the thought of the place makes me shudder …
As for your advice to Ame. I would revise it just slightly to say "do all the tourist places BEFORE you meet the local bloggers.
I'll work on a guide for you, Ame.
And Sassy, my broadband really is that crap. It's been down ever since lunchtime and is now barely hobbling along, taking several goes to load a page …
Blackpool: my husband wanted to attend a book fair at the Norcross Castle Hotel in Blackpool one year. Actually, he didn't really care about the fair but wanted an excuse to travel. So, we flew from the US to Paris, where we stayed for a few days. We then took the Chunnel to London and rented a car to drive to Blackpool. AAA in the states said it would be about a 4 hour drive. Turns out my husband's license had expired, so I had to do the driving. It was more like 6 hours. It was the off-season for Blackpool, so the only people in town were some publishers, some bookstore owners, and some locals. It was kind of fun. We turned the car in there and took a train back to London for a week of hanging around the city. That was Blackpool.
Robyn...sounds DeVINE! Would love to just drive and ramble along the British countryside like that...what an adventure! DIVE...you better decide to LIKE blackpool or else your blog harem will come tie you up and do questionable things to your body!!! ;) Dont' get any IDEAS! And check out my blog...finally posted some NEW pix! YAY!
YES you WILL Divey BOY! You WILL do something ABOUT it! It's the new 2007 resolution I'm making FOR you! You have exactly a YEAR...think you can comply by then? ;) xo
I've already found a few birds that I fancy from yer blog mate, cheers, oh its about you right, um frown alot to look deep and pretend to listen and don't admit to knowing me.
Can someone PLEASE tell me how one can obtain a purple & green 2-inch in diameter bruise on one's arse-cheek (just where it hooks onto your leg) without one even knowing about it? If I didn't know better, I'd say I'd been abducted by aliens! DO-do-do-DOOOOOOOOOOO! ;) This is an open, anything-goes forum isn't it?
Well, Ame, a bruise like that doesn't leave a lot to the imagination, and i'd say it was well worth having. lol.
Old K - hilarious. I'm sure all the birds here also think you're great, chiselled features and all.
Roll on April i say, Ame.
Post a Comment