Mister Ranty plays musical agony aunt:
Here's Vic's comment on yesterday's post:
"I agree with your rant about some music shops, and I'll add to it. The attitude from some staff can make a learner feel inferior and unwelcome. That just isn't cool. I don't go into a store to show off, I want to see new things and learn new things. And I think the nicer and more helpful the shop, the nicer the customers it attracts. Nothing I hate more than being in an arrogant shop with a self-absorbed customer showing off on a guitar for what seems like hours. It just puts people off, you feel like you can't pick up an instrument and try it out because your not as good as the guy sitting up the back playing."
… and Lynn's (before she got bored):
"I think even worse is the response a girl gets going into these places. Not every time, but i have experienced it. I don't know much but i'm not a complete novice yet am viewed as if i've arrived to sell sandwiches for their lunch rather than to look at some guitars. Thinking that i may be seriously interested or, more amazingly might be able to play a bit("oh right, well yeah, have a look. If you want to know how they sound, one of us can play it for you. Just ask." groan.) doesn't seem to occur to them."
These points are just too valid and too damned good to answer with just a glib comment, so here's another guitar-related ranty post:
First up:
Yup, it's not just the snotty shop assistants (see yesterday's ranty bit) in guitar shops who are talentless fuckwits; it's all too often the "customers", too.
Or not actual customers. Just "people who hang around in guitar shops because they think it's cool" …
Don't feel intimidated by these imbeciles, Vic. They're just jerking off in a guitar shop because (like the arrogant lame-o shop assistants) they can't get into a band, and nobody in their right mind would let the fuckers near a studio.
If you look closely you'll see the word "Loser" tattooed across their foreheads.
Quick example:
A guy like that tried out for one of my bands once as a second guitar player …
So he turns up and spends a fucking AGE setting up all this rack gear, then switches on a backing tape (a backing tape at a band audition?) and plays admittedly pretty passable versions of Steve Vai's Prayer to God and Satriani's Satch Boogie.
When he's done, I say "Okay, let's warm up. Reelin' In The Years?"
Bam. The band launches into the old Steely Dan chestnut and the guy just stands there.
Turns out he doesn't know that one …
Or just about any other cover from the last forty years …
"Okay then; twelve bar shuffle in 'G' … One … Two … Three … Four …"
And the schmuck is completely lost! Totally unable to play even the SIMPLEST thing with other musicians.
Turns out he's spent the past few months in his bedroom, learning half a dozen widdly-wank instrumentals note for note off instructional DVDs but cannot play ANYTHING ELSE!
I take pity on him because he's so utterly humiliated.
"Okay … Satch Boogie. One … Two … Three …"
And again, he is lost. He can only play it to the backing tape.
So I give up and show him how to play Satch Boogie live, with real musicians …
That's the kind of sad, wanky people you see jerking off in guitar shops.
(And the thing with Satriani and Vai and other twee widdlers is that while those songs are great fun to play, the only person you would want to go see play them is Satriani or Vai; not some spotty teenager who can't get laid).
So, Vic: You play with other musicians; you teach; you play lots of instruments … You are a MUSICIAN. They are soooo not.
You know that if you're in a guitar shop to try out a guitar, you don't plug the sucker in and start wailing, you check the feel and the tone unplugged first, then the intonation and the set up. Then, IF you are happy that this is an instrument you want to buy, you plug it in (to an amp identical to your own) and see how it sounds.
The sound test should only take a minute or two (a few notes and chords on each setting) and should NOT involve playing some widdly-wank instrumental.
Then you either buy it or reject it.
NEVER STRIKE A POSE!
That's what a musician does in a guitar shop.
That's how we bought Phil's tele on Saturday. We walked out of the snotty guitar shop and up to the nice music shop and gave them lots of money.
Result.
And Lynn: You are so totally right.
We have a guitarist in Norfolk, Nicky Spinks, who is breathtakingly good, but happens to be a girl. Even some of her fellow musicians treat her patronisingly, as if being brilliant AND being a girl is somehow freakish and even hilarious.
You'll never change the pathetic attitude of the no-life shop assistants in guitar shops, so try to find a music shop like the one I talked about yesterday.
Just to reiterate yesterday's main point about the snotty and arrogant attitude of the losers who work in guitar shops and are such appallingly bad shop assistants:
"That's right, you jerks; you're fucking shop assistants, not rock stars. Get over it!"
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of musicians.
Mister Ranty, signing off …
20 comments:
Morning Divey - God I love it when you rant.
I'm about to buy a piano, think I'll run into any wankers in those shops? Got the feeling it'll be staffed by morticians who retired due to shaky hand syndrome.
It's also a great way of being able to stay on planet newy. Who in their right mind would move a piano 200 kilometres.
I've been into some of those snotty music shops and your so right, unless your Malmstien or think you are then your ignored totally. Great Rant, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's cranky lately. xox
I love the "let's buy a piano so it'll be too difficult to move to Sydney" idea, Kate.
I think everybody in the world should have a piano (though not particularly for that reason).
I'm actually going to learn to play it with a real instructor and not some toff on a dvd. I can play a little but haven't in ages. So its not just a prop or a useful way of staying in my own village.
Go for it, Kate!
"never strike a pose." That is a bit of advice we can all make use of, even if we don't play guitar.
I used to think it was only horn players who liked to "strike a pose," or pee all over the section to make sure everyone knows they are the best player on the stage. But I have seen it in the violin section and the viola section, and the percussion section, and...oh my God...the trumpet section. Musicians, jeez. They can feel so inferior sometimes.
Hee hee, Robyn.
I liked the horn pose on your old header. That guy was cool!
Kate - i think you should go in and stumble over Chopsticks. Devour the smirks, the condescending eyebrows up, lips turned in and together in false smile, then just as they offer to 'play something for you', break into a beautiful rendition of Beethovens' No. 14. Or whatever else you can. I now see, further down comment, that you're unable to play - YET ; you will - so take a friend with you who can. I can't wait.
Great rant, Dive and i'm not bored, because you agreed with me lol. It's so tiresome isn't it. Thank Goodness Nicky has you who sees her as a great guitarist and not just a girl.
She's brilliant, Lynn.
We get to play together a couple of times a year and it's a real highlight.
Life's too short to be intimidated by store staff. Put them in their place.
I can remember years ago..walking around London visiting guitar shops with some friends, namely.. Fender Sound House (as it was then) and Turnkey etc....I didn't notice anything offish from the staff, I was more interested in finding out if they stocked left handed guitars of a calibre?
Then the apathy and indifference set in! I felt like an alien and realised I was not going to find a left handed guitar other than the standard 'Strat' 'Les Paul' (I already had one of those).
A while later a local music shop in Lewisham I frequented (Len Stiles) suggested I try the 'Music Man' range? I said Ok....so they arranged a 'silhouette special' to make an appearance for me to try.
I liked it....and made enquiries as to the price...gulp!! So the shop assistant (I can't remember his name, but he is the son of Albert Lee!)phoned up the man, and the man said "the left hand model is priced the same as the right hand...why should left handers like me pay anything else!"....I collapsed with shock and said "cheers Ernie" and bought the bloody thing.....jif.
The music shops in London (like the sushi bars and coffee shops which serve you quickly and cheaply and pleasantly … the complete opposite of those in Norwich) are pretty wonderful, Jif. Their staff are knowledgeable (especially if it's Albert Lee's son talking about Music Man guitars!!!) and helpful.
I'm afraid that out in the provinces it's a VERY different story.
Those of us whose faces (and wallets) are known are treated really well, but it's the learners and "parents whose kid wants to play guitar" who are treated like shit by arrogant twats who are in denial that they are actually shop staff and are supposed to serve the customer.
God, it really pisses me off to see them patronising ordinary people and laughing about them behind their backs.
I now boycott all bar one (and a half) of our local music stores because of this.
Bugger 'em. If they can't be civil to people, then I'll spend my money somewhere that can.
I'm glad things are more civilised where you are.
I killed a man by using chopsticks once.
So it was YOU who served him that radioactive sushi!
Isn't it heartening to see Old K making a relevant comment as per? We shall miss him indeed.
I've added some more to my novel Dive should you require some creepy bedtime reading.
It IS creepy Divey Boy!
And will you PLEASE do something about this GF of mine?
She's giving waaaaaaaaaaaay more detail than we asked for OR approved of!
Claims her place was very "noisy" this weekend (translate DIN! M-B will translate this translation) and we ALL know exACTLY what the ruckus (sp?) was...
Felicia AND Humphrey SCREAMING for FOOOOOOD! Poor things...we really should report her to the Animal Cruelty society!
;)
I guess one more thing about the arrogant twats ripping out satriani in the back of the shop is that they're intimidating for a learner, but downright annoying for someone who knows. You're standing there trying to concentrate and you can't because you're thinking either would you turn it down already? are you sure that volume pot isn't stuck at the top end? or oh just get it right, for god's sake. have you heard of a metronome? you could buy one here and go home, slow it down and get it right!
Lyn - I can play a few songs but can't read music. I learn by listening and mimicing until i get it right. I'd do a really bad rendition of chopsticks and then do the one piece i'm good at, kinderszenen no 7 by Schumann, that should shut them up.
Great, Kate! Can't wait to hear your write up of it.
He he Ame, things are a lot quieter in the Lynn house right now and fish are happy i can report. Muscles much better, thank you. What? I had a rather intensive exercise programme over the weekend that's all.
I'm glad I didn't read that before bed, Lynn.
Brrr …
And those poor fish, Ame! No wonder they swim around with their mouths open and all goggle-eyed. The things they've seen!
Hi, Vic. Damned right!
You have to wonder exactly what the twats are doing there anyway. I mean, they're obviously not there to buy a guitar. And they're not going to impress anyone, rather invite ridicule and comtempt, even pity.
I sometimes wonder what's going through their minds (other than a faint echoey breeze) … Do they think we'll break into wild applause or offer to have sex with them? Or perhaps they think a record producer is going to walk through the door and gasp in admiration and sign them up on the spot.
And it can't be doing much for the shop's sales.
As you say … "twats".
Give 'em a soundproof booth and a box of tissues.
Kate: Schumann. Nice. When you get your piano, record yourself and post some for us.
Lynn: Glad to hear those poor traumatised fish are happy now.
You know, Dive and Ame, i reckon my fish are pretty happy. They have seen a lot, tis true, but well it's educational isn't it and also, new! With their four second memory, must be a relevation every time! Must go and clean them now, they're looking filthy ;)
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