Okay, so it didn't work this time, but I've decided to give it a go.
For those who can't be arsed to read the comments (always the best bits of my blog … at least until I post a photo of my bottom), Lynn has been - I hesitate to say "nagging " - but I will anyway; Lynn has been nagging me to go out to our lovely Norfolk country pubs and look for a woman.
Today I finally cracked under the pressure of a particularly powerful nagging spell and headed off to Ranworth, to the Maltsters; one of the loveliest pubs on the broads and right opposite Ranworth broad. Beautiful views, good beer and food, picturesque village. Only about five or six miles away, so no real hassle.
So. Dive's "dating rating" for the Maltsters:
Contents: One barman. Two blokes playing darts.
Potential for Luurve: Er … Didn't really fancy any of 'em.
Outside, admiring the broad: A small bunch of ducks (Bunch? Herd? Flock? Quack? … I'll call them a "niggle" of ducks).
Dating rating: A big fat zilch.
The coffee wasn't that good, either.
I know for a fact the beer and food are excellent but it was the middle of the afternoon and I was driving, so coffee it was.
I suppose to save myself from more of the 'n' word, I shall have to continue this experiment.
If anyone knows of any pubs on the broads where single, attractive, bookish, academic, artsy women (with poor eyesight and low self-esteem) are likely to hang out, please let me know.
Oh … and "slim" … I forgot to mention "slim". Anybody remotely cuddly can breathe a big sigh of relief now.
24 comments:
Lynn is more dogged than nagging, doggedly refreshing I would say. I know a few clubs where you would get weemen that look like sexy Librarians until the music to take their clothes off starts.
I've been in ye Olde English pubs and there are no weemen to be had just flat minging bitter and it is, try escort agencies .
For low esteem try a half way hoose for weemen.
Shame about immigration catching up with your niece, Mister K. I had great plans for her (why do you think I'm learning Japanese … ah well … too late now).
I suppose if I were desperate for a shag I could just drive down to Yarmouth and scrape up an unconscious binge-drinking teenager off the pavement. But getting vomit out of your clothes is a nightmare so I'll give that one a miss …
Yeah, you went in the afternoon. I don't think you are going to find the type of woman you are looking for drinking in the middle of the afternoon. At least try the evening hours.
If nagging helps, then I'm going to say it again. London, Divey. London. Your chickee is in London. There are lots of hot literary women of the skinny persuasion in London.
Heaving a rather cuddly, curvy, shapely, femininely unslim sigh of relief, i do indeed dispute nagging for 'encouraging' Dive! And thanks Old K for your support there too.
I still maintain that your one foray into the unknown of country pubs does not a brewery make. Go again, Dive, she encouraged.
Not sure why people have size in mind really when establishing desired criteria. So a person such as myself, not me but as an example only, not meeting the slim frame but meeting pretty much everything else on your list, is thrown out of the competition? Do you think your dizzy standards could be lowered just a little to include compromise? Just a thought...
I'm truly honoured, however, to have achieved a title all of my own on your blog Dive, it was a thrill to see and very amusing. Must say i was amazed you even gave it a go; i still feel sure there's a good chance of success with it. Chin up, it'll happen!
And obviously size does have some sort of relevance, i realise this. Being of average curves no more no less myself, yet not slim, which seems to be translated to thin and boyish these days, I neither would want to be with a man the size of a house or who might require a small crane to assist movement! I'm really just talking, personally at least, normal woman shape rather than boy size. Would this not be acceptable Dive since most women have curves? Is the hour glass figure all wrong now? I mean, what would happen if she had all the things you want, was even slim, but had a TATTOO which you also loathe. What then? Where do you stop.
Yeah DIVE! SHAME ON YOU! Doncha KNOW?!?!? Size DOESN'T matter! Sigh~~~~~~~~
Speaking as "cuddly" person myself, I believe you are missing out when you set such limitations. Go ahead and sit home alone, then, if thin is what you're looking for.
And Sassy is right, showing up at a pub in the afternoon is just you setting yourself up for failure--it's sabotage is what it is.
My town is host to quite a few bars--just the other night, a young man was kicked out of one and started beating on a parked car with a homemade weapon--a long plastic pole with a heavy thing taped to the end of it. Moron. So, I hope your pubs are not like our bars.
Mornin' Divey Boy! You REALLY need to do a "Britty Slang 101" post for MOI...I HAVE to bone up by February 17th! Pretty please? Come on...in one of your next few posts...give me a basic rundown on words I NEED to SURVIVE in the UK!
Cover all the areas like clothing, food, people and most importantly, ADJECTIVES! Oh, and VERBS! Do those TOO! Like frottaging! Yeah, something like THAT! I don't want to be left in the DARK...and look like a PRAT!
Was that right? And I'll try not to get my knickers in wad either! Somehow, I don't think THAT one was appropriate! ;)
That was supposed to say IN a WAD...geeez, got all excited! ;)
knickers in a twist, wadding means wash time.
I could point you to my slang post called 'The Queen's English', use the search my blog button. I had to educate my yanks before I could post to them.
Thanks Nudie! ;)
Nudie … Hee hee.
Scotland's finest cunning linguist is certainly the place to go for slang, Ame.
And Woah, Nellie!
Sorry about the "slim" thing.
I (the bit of me that lives in my head and writes this crap) like women of all shapes and sizes, but like all men, I'm ruled by the bit of me that lives below the waist … and I'm afraid my "below the waist" goes for slim.
I've tried dating "woman shaped" women, and the above the waist parts have had a great time, but if she's got big boobs or bingo wings, then conversation and a few laughs is all I can manage in the physical department.
(Spinsterella; help me out here! You're a "skinny guy" gal. Tell 'em what it's like).
It's just that way and that's the way it is.
I'll keep trying, though. Any places other than pubs I should be looking?
All country pubs contain two blokes playing darts.
You would've been better off going to that blogmeet in West London yesterday. There seemed to be a lot of spare women at that, anyway.
so you want a gal with a boyish figure and no boobs?
Hee hee. You're certainly right about the pubs round here, Betty.
And "What blog meet in West London yesterday?"
What's a blogmeet?
If it's anything involving mobile fucking phones, count me out. I don't and won't have one.
GG: No, it's just that too much excess poundage turns me right off. Eww. And I love boobs, just not BIG ones.
Well said, Robyn! Took the words out of my mouth. And Betty mad a great suggestion but Dive you jumped down her throat immediately, saying if there's mobile phones count you out. Well... Dive,,, who mentioned mobile phones? Why say that? Surely the title 'blogmeet' would explain that it was a meeting for bloggers, pure and simple. Sounds quite fun. Why not?
I have to say, at this point, i feel it IS sabotage. You seem to have an inbuilt capacity for .. well, pessimism isn't the word .. I'm not sure what is. I do wish you well with it all i really do, but how; it's becoming a mystery even to me! lol :)
sorry, Betty MADE not Betty mad! oops.
Hee hee. Betty Mad!
sorry dive, my previous comment sounded rude. i was looking up info on eating disorders in japan for old knuddie earlier and i get quite cross that such pressure is put on women to be thin.
Don't apologise, GG.
I know it's awful that all these stick thin models and advertising put such pressure on young girls.
I suppose it's my age showing. When I say "slim" I mean Audrey Hepburn slim, not Kate Moss skinny.
And believe me; I'd date ANY woman willing to date me. I know from long and bitter experience just how attractive I am to the opposite sex. The "slim" thing is just my unattainable ideal.
Betty Mad is a pretty near the truth actually.
A blogmeet is just a gathering of bloggers, as far as I can tell. I don't think that mobile phones are involved, but then I don't know for sure because I don't think I could pluck up the courage to attend a blogmeet myself.
I have to admit I did a Google Image Search on Blogmeet.
Yikes!
I think we're better off out of it.
Btw what's happened to Rich? His sit e is down.
He's moved it.
Check on my links bar for "Boston Coffee Party".
Post a Comment