Apparently the US culture of Christmas is foreign to me. Woohoo!So where the hell did that two percent come from?
It must have leaked over from Robyn's blog.
Rats …
Well, I've managed to avoid three Christmas parties so far, on friday, monday and tuesday. Unfortunately, the powers that be are insisting that I at least poke my head around the door of the Big Office Christmas pukefest which kicks off this lunchtime before crawling around a succession of pubs and restaurants and clubs until sometime tomorrow.
We've already had mince pies and red wine forced down our throats like geese in a fois gras factory. And that was at ten this morning.
Half the staff are already binge-drinking their way to date-rape and chlamydia heaven. Shrieking girls have been crashing into things and singing crap songs.
The All New "Traditional" British Christmas seems to consist of cramming your body full of as much alcohol and fat as you can, between puking, brawling and indiscriminate rutting (for the boys) and puking, brawling and indiscriminate whoring (for the girls) right through to the new year.
And that fucking singing reindeer is still bawling away.
I usually have a veggie Christmas, but this year I'm getting some reindeer meat. Fuck it.
I am seriously not looking forward to this party …
12 comments:
Oh Dive, I'm so sorry. I would otherwise encourage you to go to a nice lovely Christmas party and try to cheer yourself up a bit, but the way you describe this one, how could anyone look forward to that?! Ick (there's that intelligent word again)
I really hope you're exaggerating the nature of celebrating Christmas where you are, because it all sounds so sad to me. Well, look for just one interesting or truely funny thing that happens, and tell us all about it afterwards.
Fill yourself with some red, not too much, wander around the room briefly acknowledging all and agreeing in long, slow tone, "EArs..." thoughtfully, get a friend to ring you and depart early on an urgent mission. Sorted!
'Working' from home this year means that I haven't had any mince pies or quality street yet.
I'm not nearly as miserable as usual - I wonder if there's a link?
Ick is the word, Robyn. Unfortunately I'm not exaggerating. That's modern Britain for you. Ick …
And Lynn, I hate phones and I'd never have one that actually follows me around, so I can't use that excuse.
Luckily, I'm busy this morning, so with any luck I can stay at work.
Hi, Spinny. You lucky thing!
Have a lovely chilled out Christmas.
Dive, you've been moping about the whole ug thing. If these ladies are whoring, take advantage! Just kidding. Office holiday parties suck, which is why I can never make ours (falls on my mother's birthday every year, and I'm already in New Hampshire).
You can watch the whole thing and laugh at everybody. That's what I'd do. Then go get drunk somewhere where it won't affect your career.
I'm still at work. Hee hee.
I might pop my head round the door later on, just so the boss can see me.
Then I'm fucking off home for the holidays.
Happy birthday to Mrs. "Sundry".
reindeer meat? intriguing. We're back to Knudsen's TV show idea "I wonder what that tastes like".
Like elk, I suspect.
I want to know where you got the Christmas quiz, Dive, because I think I could ace it. Did you make this one up?
Robyn, it's over at the same site that we took the American quiz and such. I recognize the style.
"Half the staff are already binge-drinking their way to date-rape and chlamydia heaven".
Very Funny!!!
I remember we had parties like that back at the bomb factory where I used to work/drink my way into "I'm never gonna do that again" frame of mind.
you gotta be tough to do that kind of celebrating I don't have the body for it anymore.
Nor me rich; nor me …
And Robyn; Sassy's right. I found one of your quizzes and hit the link, then just lookied for Christmas stuff.
Have fun.
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