I left the lid off Mister Ranty's box last night and he sneaked out to laugh about this:
That's Liverpool Street Station across the street. This was taken on my way home yesterday. Mister Ranty caught sight of the Evening Standard headline and got a fit of the giggles.I mean "Lawyer Jumps 80 Ft to Death"? That's almost as good as if it were someone working in insurance!
And it wasn't just funny, it was ART. He did it by jumping off one of the galleries in Tate Modern. Woohoo! That must have been fun. Even quicker than coming down their big slides!
Rather selfishly though, he just jumped.
BANG!
Hit the floor.
That upset a lot of people. You know: shock and shrieking and stuff.
If only he'd stood up on the balcony and yelled out that he was a lawyer.
Then everyone could have formed a semi-circle and clapped and cheered as he fell. These fucking lawyers never take people's feelings into account. He made everyone miserable when - with a simple selfless act of yelling "Hey, everyone! I'm gonna jump! And I'm a Lawyer!", he could have cheered everyone up.
Oh well. One more dead lawyer. Perhaps that's why the sun's shining today. Hey ho …
Um … If any of you are lawyers (and I'm looking specifically in the direction of Seattle here), there's a job going in London if you want it.
21 comments:
Someone told me this joke yesterday - "what do you call 30 chavs at the bottom of a cliff? A start." I suppose you could apply it to a single lawyer at the foot of the Tate modern if you liked. Personally I'd start with the chavs, it's only track suit manufacturers and Argos jewellery dept that would miss them.
Hee hee hee, Pea!
You start with the chavs; I'll hunt down the lawyers and insurance sellers. Together we'll make this world a better place.
Now where's my gun?
30 chavs at the bottom of a cliff would be a character building exercise for their ABSO.
KFC would miss them too.
The lawyer jumped 80ft, is he/she like superman? now if they fell 80ft that would be different.
I'll hunt doon the judges, they are right cunts too.
Excellent point, Old Man. The Evening Standard was never the most erudite of tabloids.
Right, The judges are yours. Go for it!
I used to be a barristers' clerk and was married to a lawyer for sixteen years so i've been around them for what seems like FOREVER. I couldn't possibly comment. What's the job?
I don't know where he worked, Lynn, but somewhere in the City is a nice empty desk just waiting to be filled.
Personally I liked the grafitti art better than the image of lawyer go splat but then again one persons art........
What the hell is a chav????
Excuse the non comprehension, I've been with a lawyer and a barrister all afternoon - that deserves a vodka.
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery old son. We could rid the planet.
And,, I'm with Kate Isis, mate. What (to An Australian) is a F###ing Chav? pray do tell.
Bloody pom expressions - I don't get it either!
What kind of a statement of expression is it to go splat outside Tate Modern?
I'm glad someone asked for the definition, because I don't know either. Hey, I get to learn something today?
It's not the insurance sellers you want, Dive (remember, I used to be one when I needed food). It's the claims adjusters and their supervisors you want to cheer on the edge of the cliff.
It would be interesting to know whether you have them in other parts of the world too. They're young white people of little education. They dress (males and females too) in tracksuits - "lots of running gear, but not much running going on" as someone once said. The females of the species tend to have their hair scraped back in a ponytail, are pushing a pushchair by the age of 16, grandma by 30, wear copious amounts of cheap gold jewellery and are on benefits. The male of the species wears a baseball cap, drives a 'hot hatch'. If he has a job it's in McDonald's or, as Old K says, KFC. They are noted for their attitude. Try for more useful info.
Splendid, Peahen.
The Wiki entry is pretty good:
http://en.wikipedia.org
/wiki/Chav
and for anyone remotely interseted in this cultural abomination, feel free to check out:
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
and
http://www.chavworld.co.uk/
And Vic; he went splat INSIDE the Tate Modern.
Had I been there I would probably have signed the body and sold it to the gallery.
Consider me enlightened.
Yep we have them over here, we call them housing commision scum. (Public housing tennants)
Young boys in hotted up hatches, gold jewellery and baseball caps, we call them lebanese teenagers.
I'm so politically incorrect sometimes but I do speak the truth. Ever seen the Australian Tv Series "Fat Pizza"? Full of chavs.
Fat Pizza.
Heh heh. Sounds great, Kate.
The only decent Aussie TV we get over here is those incomparably wonderful hornbags, Kath and Kim.
I think our word for chav is bogan. Scott and Charlene from Neighbours (going way back) were your average bogans, but there are obviously varying levels of degradation. Just before I left Melbourne almost two years ago *small sob* it was becoming cool and retro to be a bogan. That made leaving the country quite easy after all.
He went splat INSIDE the Tate Modern.
Had I been there I would probably have signed the body and sold it to the gallery.
Hahaha, that's the funniest thing you've ever said. Um, that I've heard.
Technically they'd be chavs, tracks suits and bad jewellery
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn....everyone sure is up EARLY around here, GEEEEEEEEEZ! ;)
And DB! OMG! This is real? I thought I was looking at the entrance to a theatre (instead of theater, in Britty mode ya know) and that this was the name of the PLAY!
Should I bring a really STRONG brolly so I don't get pummeled by falling bodies? Is this a normal hazard in the streets of London?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
;)x
That is a romantic way to go, I suppose. Poor sap.
Okay, I'll go with bogans as a general translation but further break it down to skanks for the female of the species. Or if there's a surf culture mixed in with it, skegs.
From Mme Benaut:
I was a law student for a couple of years but now I think I must be a chav-in-training ... broken back and while not on benefits from the govt. have a private invalid pension ... have just avoided a lengthy trial by taking a settlement, (thanks to my lawyer); and I'm rather attached to my gold jewellery and I'm on the lookout for a new tracksuit. Have quite a head for heights as a former pilot but 80 feet! As M. Benaut would say (were he awake) or indeed that Irwin fellow (were he alive), 'Crikey'!
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