This is bowling …
And this is bowling …
But for very nearly fifty-three years now I have managed to avoid "the other one" … that vulgar Colonial pastime known as ten-pin bowling. Mercifully I don't have any photos of that.
However, at my new office, Friday lunchtime is apparently Bowling Time … Colonial style, and they dragged me along so they could laugh at the bowling virgin and so that none of them would come last.
I've been going for three weeks now and so far I've bruised my thumb so bad it went black, not known which fingers to put in the silly little holes, pulled a muscle somewhere deep inside my left buttock and missed the pins (or whatever they're called) more times than I've hit them.
As for what those godawful stinky shoes do for my pedestrian hygeine I shudder to think. I now take spare socks in to work on Fridays so I can sneak into the shower as soon as we're back at the office, scrub my feet clean and put on a fresh pair.
Gack, ick and eww!
They keep stats at the office and my bowling average is apparently seventy-three and a quarter, good reason for my Colonial friends to have a raucous chortle at my expense. I am comically crap at it and positioned proudly at the bottom of the office league (by a refreshingly large margin).
The place we go bowling is called (with no imagination whatsoever) "Hollywood Bowl". It is like a nightmare, a bad acid trip of garish colours, appalling noise, sickening junk food and horrifyingly overpriced alcopops, kiddie-sweet cocktails and crappy, wind-inducing lager 'beer'.
However, at my new office, Friday lunchtime is apparently Bowling Time … Colonial style, and they dragged me along so they could laugh at the bowling virgin and so that none of them would come last.
I've been going for three weeks now and so far I've bruised my thumb so bad it went black, not known which fingers to put in the silly little holes, pulled a muscle somewhere deep inside my left buttock and missed the pins (or whatever they're called) more times than I've hit them.
As for what those godawful stinky shoes do for my pedestrian hygeine I shudder to think. I now take spare socks in to work on Fridays so I can sneak into the shower as soon as we're back at the office, scrub my feet clean and put on a fresh pair.
Gack, ick and eww!
They keep stats at the office and my bowling average is apparently seventy-three and a quarter, good reason for my Colonial friends to have a raucous chortle at my expense. I am comically crap at it and positioned proudly at the bottom of the office league (by a refreshingly large margin).
The place we go bowling is called (with no imagination whatsoever) "Hollywood Bowl". It is like a nightmare, a bad acid trip of garish colours, appalling noise, sickening junk food and horrifyingly overpriced alcopops, kiddie-sweet cocktails and crappy, wind-inducing lager 'beer'.
To reach the bowling lanes I have to negotiate acres of psychedelic vomit-patterned airport carpet littered with coin-operated crap that looks like it got thrown out of some downmarket Vegas (make that Reno) casino. When at last I reach the small part at the back of the building where the bowling actually takes place I am assailed by serried rows of TV screens showing dire, uninspired videos, and what passes these days for chart music is belted out of banks of speakers at unspeakable volume.
I suppose the only thing I can say in its defence is that the whole place is as least honest about its purpose: to suck money from children and drunks.
I honestly cannot recall ever having been inside such a dreadful building.
And the scariest thing of all is …
I actually enjoy it. Yay for Friday Lunchtime Bowling!
Shoot me now.
I honestly cannot recall ever having been inside such a dreadful building.
And the scariest thing of all is …
I actually enjoy it. Yay for Friday Lunchtime Bowling!
Shoot me now.
13 comments:
Knowing how competitive you are you will soon be at the top..
You've just described the typical American bowling alley. I hate the places. Fortunately, in Ohio at least, you can no longer smoke in them, so they don't stink as much as they used to.
You do realize they spray those shoes with a disinfectant, right? What you need is to buy your own pair, and a league shirt. And then post pictures.
HAHAHAHA! I'm with Robyn, you described what ours look like to a tee! And yes, the shoes are gross to think about but just to let you know, they don't smell since they hose them down between rounds. haha I love that you scrub your feet like you've been totally violated afterwards though. That gave me a big hearty laugh!
I know all the guitar playing poses you've done over the years will come in handy when it comes to throwing the ball. You have to do a big leg slide around the back and hold your arms like you just strummed the ball down the lane. You'll be a pro in no time!!!
Oh and you MUST get a shirt and shoes to be serious. Then save up for a custom made ball. heeheehaha Bye!
I'm with Scout and Shan. And you.
Oh, how gross and...
utterly, screamingly delightful.
I went bowling three times. The last time, I actually bowled strikes, which is a lot easier for a leftie, unless the people who set up lanes have gotten smart and equalized them somehow over the years. I hated it. Hated the dumb shoes, the atmosphere, the whole thing.
BUT, you're with your co-workers, whom you like and you're enjoying yourself. Get a pair of shoes for yourself,a ball and a shirt. And show us pictures of
architects having fun :-D
I'm not competitive, mum. I just like to win everything.
Robyn, I don't care what they spray those shoes with, all I know is that after Friday bowling I want to burn my socks and scrub my feet until they're raw.
I didn't realise you could buy the ugly things. And no way in hell would I wear any kind of league shirt, Hee hee.
Shan, it's kind of depressing to know that the real thing is just as awful as the Euro-trash copy. Violated is just how my feet feel as soon as I take those icky things off. Eww to the max!
I must confess I am bemused by all the weird run-ups people do. It's like a little anthropological field trip on a Friday lunchtime.
A custom made ball might not be a bad idea; I get my fingers stuck in even the largest holes they have for hire. Hence the badly bruised thumb.
Speedway, I thought all Americans loved bowling. Fred and Barney seem to enjoy it and they're pretty representative of the population as a whole, are they not?
I actually bowled a 98 today. Still last but only by a mile.
Photographs of Architects having fun? Yikes! That's going to give me nightmares.
You got a 98!? Great for you! If you're even halfway coordinataed and have the hand-eye thingy down to draw as well as you do, you should be OK. Confidence needed here, Dive. Just aim it down the alley at the 3-5 pins, if I remember it right.
Not only did I hate bowling, I hated Fred and Barney. Never have understood the whole Flintstones popularity. They were cartoon versions of the "Honeymooners," which I also hated. As a kid, I hated the loud, obnoxious Gleason and the way he ranted. To this day, I do not care for loud people, especially men. Did I say "hate" often enough to get the point across? ;-$
I hate bowling and bowling alley with the passion of thousand suns.
Btw, this is the real Hollywood Bowl: http://www.theblvdhotel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/hollywood_bowl_at_dusk.jpg - Monty Python performed there, iirc.
As others have commented, it sounds like they just ripped that bowling alley out of some town in the US and air-dropped it into yours.
Now, you can go to Amazon and find all the latest bowling accessories; shoes, shirts, gloves, balls -- in fact you can get an Ebonite Deluxe Ball Polisher and Carrier for only $7.94 (US)....
Speedway, whenever I try to aim the thing it heads straight for the gutter. I am spectacularly useless but that is half the fun. If I get good it's going to spoil it.
I wondered if Fred and Barney might hit a nerve. The wonderful world of the American Male who goes out and enjoys himself every evening while the little wifey stays home and does all the housework and child-rearing gives me the creeping shudders. Yet for most of my childhood, I got my view of American life from the Flintstones, Tom and Jerry and later the Monkees. No wonder I view the Colonies with some circumspection these days.
Vanda, that's pretty passionate! But then you're a cultured European so I'd have been horrified had you been a fan.
That's a boffo photo of the real Bowl; so much more tasteful than the bowling alley.
Ms.M. Please don't tempt me! I have a frightening propensity for impulse-buying total crap because it seemed like a funny idea at the time. The last thing I want is to find a bowling shirt in my wardrobe. Augh!
I am not a fan of bowling. Perhaps that's because I've never scored over sixty.
I believe the last time I went bowling (and I do mean the last time) I threw a gutter ball in the next lane's gutter.
Woah! That's cool, Petrea. Even I haven't managed that yet. Perhaps next Friday.
Be sure the people in the next lane can't beat you up when you waste their turn on a gutter ball.
Hee hee. The people in the next lane are usually my workmates so they'll do far worse than beat me up.
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