I'll get back to that in a minute or two but first I want to spook you out with a couple of boffo coincidences that happened to me yesterday.
First up: I was chatting with Joy about the crappiness of winter and the efficacy of SAD lamps.
Joy was lamenting the fact that they don't seem to work on her and I reminded her that Peahen has one and it has worked miracles with her SAD.
Just at that moment a message plopped into my inbox which turned out to be a comment from Pea (who I hadn't heard from in ages) saying how great her SAD lamp is now the daylight's disappearing.
I love coincidence.
Mind you, I'm not one of those feeble-minded delusional fuckwits who leap up with "God" or "Fate" or "Karma" in their eyes, stand over a big plate of sculpted mashed potato and say "This MEANS something!"
It means Jack Shit but it's fun when it happens.
I had another one yesterday.
Coincidence, that is …
I clicked on my daily Natalie Dee cartoon link and this one popped up:
It wasn't so much the cartoon that tickled me as the title of it: "It's not easy being fucking gross."Which just happens to chime perfectly with my mood at the moment.
Having said that, the idea of orange flavoured mouthwash doesn't gross me out.
What truly grosses me out (apart from the contents of my mirror) is the garlic, stale tobacco and rotten teeth flavoured mouthwash that everybody on the tube seems to gargle with just before breathing in my face.
All of which has nothing to do with the coincidence.
The coincidence happened as I was reading the pathetically sad little "I'm So Lonely" line in the cartoon …
Whammo! Right at that moment my iTunes (set to random) started playing The Beatles' "Yer Blues" off the White Album with Lennon belting out the line "I'm so lonely."
I always loved that song.
The line "I'm so lonely. Wanna die." has been my motto and mantra for decades.
Plus it's got that line "… just like Dylan's Mister Jones", linking it to another favourite: "Ballad of a Thin Man".
Which leads me - in an awkward, lurching attempt at a segue - back to yesterday's postbag and a great video of Yer Blues.
Several of you have wisely cautioned me to look for a woman of my own age and I fully concur with that advice.
I have had relationships with younger women before and - while they are exceedingly decorative and … er … limber - things usually start to fall apart when I'm talking about some gig or session I played with somebody their dad was a fan of and they chirp up with "I wasn't even BORN then!"
Shit! I'd been living the sexanddrugsandrockandroll, "Almost Famous" lifestyle for years and her parents hadn't even started dating.
Holy crap, that always makes me feel so old.
So … no more younger weemen.
I need shared cultural reference points.
I need someone who knows who "Dylan's Mister Jones" is.
I need someone who remembers the Cold War.
Who remembers watching the moon landings.
Who remembers the first colour tellies.
Who remembers William Hartnell as Doctor Who.
Who knows what the sculpted mashed potato means.
Who - when shown a photo of my first car (a powder blue Ford Anglia) says "Cool!" and NOT "That's just like the one in Harry Potter".
I need someone who bought The Beatles singles as they came out.
I need someone who'd get all excited seeing this: John Lennon, Eric Clapton, Keith Richards and Mitch Mitchell jamming Yer Blues at the end of the sixties.
And yes, Maria; of course I need someone who loves books.
I wish I could take your advice and spend more time in bookshops but I'm afraid I already spend way too MUCH time (and money) in them.
The staff in every one of my favourite bookshops all know me, and any women customers just see me as "that creepy guy who's always hanging around in here".
Besides which; when I hang around in bookshops I'm looking for books.
I DO talk to women in bookshops about books. I have even talked to several attractive women in there but have been so appalled by the crap they are buying that I would never want to ask them on a date.
I'll keep trying.
And I really am most grateful for all the advice.
But still those two lines plague me:
"I'm so lonely", and "It's not easy being fucking gross."
52 comments:
Spooky! It's the universe talking to you, Dive hehehehehehe
The universe hates me.
Au contraire mon ami! The universe loves you. Hey, you've got such wonderful friends. And the universe brought you, Robyn, Katie, the Benauts et al together! You're getting the wrong message if you think the universe hates you.
Yes, but it took them away again.
The universe hates me.
Why do you sound like a child throwing tantrums? :D
Because it's fun!
Hahaha. Well have fun! My ride's coming soon, then I'm off to the office. I'll catch up with you there!
Boy am I glad I've got three days working from home this week!
Enjoy the office, Joy.
Dive, so glad you know what you want! That's half the battle. Besides, older men who go after MUCH younger women are just GROSS!!!!!!
The universe plays tricks on us. Everything is in sync and relevent sometimes. I used to think it was spooky. Now I think it's just part of the living being that we are part of: Earth, cycles and one another.
Yippeeeeee, it's not even Thursday! Did you notice that Eric still makes all those movements with his mouth! Funny and oh so groovy. Keith Richards is a twat.
wow, the things that go on while i'm away, sugar! xoxo
i wish i had some marvelous advice or insight, but i don't. i only know that for all your ranting and petulant behavior (i loved joy's comment here!) you seem a truly lovely and delicious man! one who knows what he wants and needs and won't just settle for anything or anyone less. relax, sugar, good things come to those who do! ;)
xoxoxo
Katherine: I couldn't agree more.
About the first part, anyway. Hee hee.
Prudence: Yup. Glad you liked it.
I'm sure Keef would approve of your concise character assessment.
I love being petulant, Savannah.
How goes the move?
xoxox
Oh DIve,
I apologize:
Always,I has written DAve and not
DIve! Sorry,sorry....
(So, it was: Dive and Divanian)
No worries, Anon; I hadn't noticed.
Mashed potatoes: Close Encounters?
I remember when we got our first colored TV. It was right before Gone With the Wind was due to air on TV for the first time ever, and we got the new set just in time. At first I thought the big box held a microwave because they had just been invented, and a man was at the house demonstrating how to heat a hotdog and not melt ice in them.
Well, Robyn. That at least makes you just about old enough.
All you have to do now is abandon your family and your lovely life and move four thousand miles eastward.
Okay, that pretty much makes you safe from the date Dive thing, you lucky girl. Hee hee.
Katherine: Older men (and women) "who go after much younger women" (and men) may, or may not, as you so eloquently put it, be "gross". On the other hand, people who are purely and simply attracted to each other in spite of the obvious difference in their ages are, I would argue, not necessarily "gross" at all. It can be the case, you know, that some people are willing to overlook this discrepancy in the same way that others see no problem at all in being of different races, creeds, or physical/mental capacity.
With respect, not ALL older male lovers are after their own personal Lolita, just as not ALL older female lovers are reincarnations of Norma Desmond.
Quite true, Lucio, but the old cliché of the male mid-life crisis is hard to erase when a lot of men still hanker after much younger women.
If the hankering is mutual then I see no harm but I wouldn't go there myself.
One thing I sure learned is age is just a number. I have been with someone my age, someone older and someone younger. Guess who's proving to be the best choice of all? But nothing to do with age - just that we found our other selves in each other. (and the violin starts playing)
I guess that's the nature of clichés, Dive.
To be honest, I've never gone there myself, nor is it a fantasy of mine.
On the other hand, I wouldn't buy a copy of the Reader's Digest just because it was bound in antique leather if the alternative was a brand new paperback edition of, say, 'The Great Gatsby', 'King Lear', or the 'Essays' of Montaigne.
Each to his (or her) own, I suppose.
Sheesh! This is turning into a Mills and Boon book! Hee hee.
Joy, I have to admit, you and Thom are the happiest couple I know.
Good rôle models!
I'm with you there, Lucio.
Which makes me wonder how I might classify myself in accordance with the book-versus-cover metaphor.
A slightly shop-soiled edition of 'The Divine Comedy', perhaps? A water-damaged copy of the Grimm's 'Kinder- und Hausmärchen'? A tattered 'Moby Dick', missing the last few pages, and languishing in the "free books" bin?
How about you, Dive?
Hee hee!
An excellent question, Lucio.
Wandering along my bookshelves I think "Dive" is almost certainly my tatty goatskin-bound copy of Ambrose Bierce's "The Devil's Dictionary".
As for me: I'd like to think of myself as my flyblown and foxed volumes of Marx, though with my increasing girth I'm more likely my complete Pepys, which takes up a shelf to itself.
LOL!!
In an ideal world, I'd be an 1835 (i.e. first edition), mint-condition copy of 'The Odyssey' (illustrated by John Flaxman): but I think most people who know me would see me as a heavily-annotated, severely dog-eared copy of J-K Huysmans' 'À rebours'.
Hee hee.
This is an excellent idea. I wonder if any of the others want to play?
Mills & Boon??? When did you pick up and read one, pray tell?
Mercifully never, Joy, though mum has loads of them on her shelves.
*ack* i.can't.talk.about.it.
but hurry on over and listen to something!!!! i thought of you immediately! ;) xoxoxo
(i'm gone again...for real)
It is fun, isn't it? Only it's two in the morning here and, because of an early appointment tomorrow, I need to hit the hay. Thanks for the banter, and the laughs, though. I'll check in again soon to see if anyone chipped in their own sordid self-portrait. If not, I'm sure we can come up with many other such games in the future.
Tooodle pip!
Great song, Savannah!
Good luck with the "thing" and I hope to hear from you soon.
xoxox
Toodle pip, Lucio.
Sleep well.
Does she loan them out? Would be delighted to borrow a few (read: loads). Don't judge me! I'm the same person who enjoys reading existensialism, Plato, Socrates, Shakespeare and other literary geniuses :)
Mum's like me: I never let anyone touch my books, let alone borrow them!
Hee hee.
Fair enough. My books don't have any crease on their spine - so that should tell you how carefully (and insanely) I read them. :)
One time I loaned a book to a friend (now an ex-friend) because she couldn't afford to buy one. It was so pristine - as I said, no creases whatsoever. When she returned it, the pages have fallen out in chunks! There were creases and folds everywhere. And that was the last time I loaned her a book. She borrowed one again, which I told her to keep and got myself a brand new copy.
I'm just the same, Joy.
People who mistreat books will be first against the wall for the firing squad when I rule the country.
You know you'd never rule any country for two reasons - you don't believe in there having leaders and you're too much of a Marxist :)
Oh, I remember. I've got these huge books, and really heavy and I love them. She borrowed them just before I left for the UK and then eventually she started thinking of them as hers! I said, "Uh, I want them back." Books are precious to me!
I'd make a great dictator, though!
I'll enjoy entertaining your ex.friend in the Tower.
I think book abusers need to be taught the error of their ways with paper cuts. Thousands of them!
Oh good grief - another whole load of stuff to add to the list of requirements in a woman. Phew. I'm exhausted! lol. Try Waterstones or whatever, with a coffee shop. Yep I know you go to one every Saturday to meet friends, but have you ever tried going alone? Reading your book but also putting it down now and again, catching someone's eye, smiling, seeing what happens...etc?
Yes, Lynn; I try that at least once or twice a week. And what happens?
nothing …
Sigh.
Ohhh. I'm not sure how this game works i.e. the personification of books on our shelves? If I'm playing it right, I might be Jane Eyre perhaps.
It's a "judging a book by it's cover" thing, Lynn, hence Dive being my tatty old goatskin copy of The Devil's Dictionary (me being a tatty old goat physically and my personality being as facetious and silly as Ambrose Bierce's classic satirical work).
So are you as Jane Eyre immaculately bound in white moiré silk? Or … well, being a gentleman I cannot possibly imagine any other binding for you.
Have you thought about becoming a "kept Man", Dive? That way there you could be with a woman that would make YOU feel young and she would treat you to a lavish lifestyle.
Ohhhh Dive what a wonderful thing to say. But of course! he he. Oh yes that would suit me perfectly. I used to have a beautifully bound copy actually but so many books it got lost in house moves. Either that or it's languishing on my ex husband's shelves. Grr. The one I have is sadly battered and written upon, since it's the one I studied at college. I love it to bits of course, such as it is, full of memories and love, but yes the one you describe has me drooling. lol. Thank you for virtually pampering me with the thought. p.s. I got the job!! Journalist for another paper, other than the one I used to write for I mean. Yay! It's a good day. :)
Kept man sounds very exciting, LOL.
Your banter with Joy is such a pleasure to read. She is right: you do have wonderful friends.
Well Dive,
That video was totally hot. I was hot for Keith back in the day and I was hot for John's mind. You know when we get to be our age the mind is the only thing that turns me on! My body does not even resemble the thing it was 25 years ago when I was hot. I am worse than lukewarm as far as my hobbit body but I think the brain is still okay. The body is secondary as far as I'm concerned. I think you will find a lot of ladies think that way. I remember watching the Lunar Landing and Kennedy's funeral on B&W TV. We were the last in our neighborhood to get color. My parents were opposed to too much TV. (a good thing) Dive, I consider you a hot brain! You share the category with John Lennon, consider that the ultimate compliment! Love ya! Neetzy
Well, I was so fascinated reading the comments (I do like Lucio) that I almost forgot about the music! Wow, what a fantastic clip. I'd never seen it before and seeing all those fellows at the height of their youth was invigorating, to say the least.
What a fabulous mix of talent from some of the old famous bands and musicians of enduring, appreciated talent. Which brings me back to the age thing. One definitely does need to have one who has similar shared memories to appreciate everyday humour, if nothing else.
I'm not sure which book would describe me; I have so many favourites but none that I read over and over again. Perhaps the Oxford English Dictionary would do - one that doesn't have any marks in the margins!!
Rich: to become a kept man I'd have to find a woman who actually wants to keep me.
Tough task.
Lynn: Yay! Hoorah! Congratulations! What brilliant news. I hope you'll do links to your pieces like Robyn has been doing so we can all follow your journalistic progress.
Cali: Joy is indeed a delight. And yes, I have wonderful friends. Now all I need is a girlfriend. Hey ho.
Neetzy: So glad you enjoyed watching the video. It's one of my favourites. I was a huge John Lennon fan all through the sixties and to have the others there all messing about and enjoying themselves is such a wonderful thing.
"Hobbit body"? Hee hee hee Hobbits are hot, too!
Mme: Isn't Lucio's new game fun? And what a great video that is.
Shared cultural reference points are essential if a relationship is to last (not that I can even get one started). Giggling at the same things from our youth and having bought the same records and read the same books is so much nicer than having someone say "I wasn't even born when you did that."
I can't wait!
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