As my long term neighbours here in Blogville are well aware, I am a patient and easygoing man, rarely given to splenetic ranting. Certain things about this modern world, however, have been known to confound me to such an extent that I am pushed to verbal retaliation; the inexorable rise of the mobile telephone, for instance.
Just lately I have noticed another unfortunate trend (oh, and don't get me started on those 'trendy' morons who misuse the word 'trend' as a verb; they deserve to have their tiny dinosaur brains ripped out through their anuses by hordes of ravening mutant mole-rats and I am currently working on a viable method of achieving this, so watch out).
No, the trend of which I speak - yet another irreversible and slippery step downward into the fœtid morass of cultural despair in which we helplessly flail - comes from the users of touch-screen mobile devices, who are now so inured to mindless, chimp-like finger-painting on their imbecile micro-screens that they become confused when faced with a professional using a real screen to produce real work.
Listen up (you know who you are): keep your filthy, arse-scratching, smeary, nose-picking, greasy, food-covered, stinking, mayonnaise-smirched, fat fucking fingers off my nice clean monitor screens, you unutterable bastards!
Message ends.
3 comments:
We need apps for that, Dive!
One for virtual TP, one for nose-picking and blowing pixel tissues, another for images of smears spread across the screen of "food-covered, stinking, mayonnaise-smirched, fat fucking fingers." If you did it for your own screen, so that no one but you could use it w/o the nasty results ...
You could make a fortune!
Addendum: After the hurricane, when the electricity was out and people couldn't use their cell phones, the few pay phones were still in service. Unfortunately, reporters found that people had become so connected to their devices, they didn't know what to do w/ the pay phones after dropping in their coins.
WV: 4 fookmea
Wasn't Fookmea one of the Japanese twins in Austin Powers 3?
I started to take notice of this disgusting new finger-smearing fashion a few months back and it took me a while to link it to touch-screen users. Where - in olden tymes - folk might point at something on your monitor and apologise if they accidentally touched it, now people seem to do nothing but smear their greasy fingers over my nice clean - and decidedly non-touch monitor screens.
Grow some manners, you asshats.
I'd probably go with more of a Heee-YAH!", Miss Piggy style.
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