Yet More Tedious Dross

Until 2008 actually inspires me to write something other than tedious dross, here is some more tedious dross.
I stole this one from Tiina's blog.
It was originally a "two things" meme, but I've upped it because I have a headache and I want to annoy the meme-haters.

Five names you go by:
1. Dive
2. Baldy
3. Meester
4. デービッド。
5. Sir (this one always cracks me up when I'm out at one of the schools).

Five things you are wearing right now:
1. Che teeshirt
2. Black 501s.
3. Boxers.
4. A kind of sardonic smile.
5. er … that's it.

Five things you would want (or have / had) in a relationship:
1. A woman.
2. Chocolate.
3. Real bitchy, points-scoring arguments.
4. Mutual suspicion.
5. Faked orgasms.

Five of your favourite things to do:
1. Frantic masturbation.
2. Eating bad stuff.
3. Drinking bad stuff.
4. Behaving childishly.
5. Sulking.

Five things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To get rid of this headache.
2. Trains that run on time and that ban mobile phones and anyone under thirty-seven.
3. My youth back.
4. To kill everybody on the planet, including myself.
5. The toilet.

Five things you did last night:
1. Had a very rude video chat with my girlfriend.
2. Drank scotch.
3. Offended fat America.
4. Watched a couple of episodes of Buffy.
5. Slept.

Five things you ate today:
1. Greek yoghurt.
2. Organic oats.
3. A handful of dried cranberries.
4. That's it so far. I'm not Elvis!
5. Still nothing else.

Last five people you talked to:
1. My girlfriend.
2. The train conductor.
3. My kettle (in a threatening manner).
4. Squeaky Kate.
5. Myself.

Five things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Going to Norwich to check out all the mistakes and cock-ups the builders made on my new nursery at the girls' school and planning the new sixth form centre.
2. Hanging around with schoolgirls.
3. Reading The Guardian in my favourite coffee bar.
4. Going to college for my Japanese class.
5. Missing my girl.

Five longest car rides:
1. Faro to Porto and back.
2. Norfolk to York.
3. Norfolk to Cardiff.
4. Norfolk to Devon.
5. Norfolk to Goodwood.
I use public transport for long journeys. Not because I'm environmentally conscious so much as because I'm lazy.

Five favourite beverages:
1. Coffee.
2. Green tea.
3. Green and Black's cocoa.
4. Scotch.
5. Red wine.

Five things about me you may not have known:
You know just about everything about me as I am such a pathetic meme-addict, so I'll re-hash a few and call this "Five things you already knew about me and didn't give a toss about":
1. I find Deanna Durbin totally hot.
2. I laughed when Diana died.
3. I've eaten my own cum. It wasn't deliberate; just a mischievous ex.girlfriend after a blowie who pounced on me and jammed a cum-covered tongue into my mouth. Ew!
4. I once recorded under the pseudonym of "Clint Slick" because I was a drunken student and thought that the fact that it looked like "CUNT SUCK" when written in capitals was funny.
5. The last song I listened to was America's "Ventura Highway". No reason; iTunes is on "shuffle" and is trying to tell me I'm still a hippy.

Five jobs I have had in my life:
1. Architect.
2. Guitar player.
3. Photographer.
4. When I was a kid I worked at a butchers for a while. That truly sucked.
5. I also worked at an engineering firm in the school holidays. That sucked, too.

Five movies I watch over and over:
1. Doctor Strangelove (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb).
2. Chinatown.
3. The Bed Sitting Room.
4. This Is Spïnal Tap.
5. Any and all Austin Powers movies.

Places I have lived:
1. England.
2. Malta.
3. Portugal.
4. Inside my scary head.
5. The Small Glass Planet.

Five of my Favorite Foods:
1. さしみ。
2. みそしろ。
3. どんぶい。
4. くじら。
3. Clitoris.

Five places I'd rather be right now
1. Wrapped tight around my girl.
2. Sitting in Prudence's living room in the beautiful lakes region of New Hampshire with a hot coffee, looking out at all the snow.
3. Lounging on Jules' porch in Rabaul with a cold G&T, gazing out over the turquoise waters of the bay at the volcano.
4. Sitting outside はらじゅくの駅, watching the girls go by.
5. Eating sashimi in a Tokyo bar.

Five people I think will respond:
1 to 5: The meme-lovers will probably have a go; the meme-haters will curse me for being a meme-lover.
Hey ho.