Before we start, I just want the Oxford English Dictionary people to know that I lay claim to the word "Gojirabilia" (noun … Gojira memorabilia … see the last lot of comments).
That'll mean I get two new words in the next edition. I got "Knudsenesque," too.
Stop looking at me like that. It's a long standing ambition, okay?
Hokay … confession time.
I was on the phone to my lovely girlfriend yesterday.
That's not the confession.
I've got an old retro phone, not one of these jobbies that you can wander round the house with and lose. Mine's attached to the wall with an umbilical.
I like the old fashioned seventies phones because they come with a "MUTE" switch for the ringer and my commuting routine means I need to be asleep by nine in the evening and any fucker calls after that and wakes me up is gonna die!
So anyhoo. We were chatting away and mooning like a couple of teenagers and the phone was sitting on my lap.
Here's the confession bit:
I leaned forward to grab my glass of wine and my FAT GUT squished down on the phone and hit the redial button!
And yes, I fessed up.
Hey ho.
As if I don't do enough bloody sit-ups as it is …
18 comments:
Hey, there's a wine here called Fat Bastard. I thought that's what you were going to write about. Imagine my disappointment when you wrote about tummies that do their own dialing instead.
You can buy that here, too, but I'm a wine snob so I don't.
A fat wine snob.
A fat, telephone-squishing wine snob.
Hey ho.
A fat bastard with a lovely girlfriend? What's bad about it?
So glad you noticed my title Dive, i had all my money on you. lol.
Hee hee.
I giggled all morning, Lynn.
Thank you for that.
Awwww thats too cute.
Watch out with that redail botton dive. Especially if you called someone you shouldn't have.
Cute, Kate? Cute that I'm so fat that my stomach eats the phone?
Rich: I don't know anyone I shouldn't phone.
T: See you in the gym.
I have seen Fat Bastard wine, but have had no desire to buy it. Is is anywhere as bad as the Boone's Farm we used to drink in college because it was dirt cheap or Mogan David in the jug because it was ALL my mother would have in her house?
And Dive, you were mooning with your girlfriend? I find it very comforting to think of you love doveying and cooing and all that slinky stuff.
As long as the phone didn't become like a piece of belly button lint, and in permanent residence there's no harm done.
It's possibly thankful for it's umbilical wall attachment right now - it's a lifeline.
Vic: That's gross but hilarious. Pretty much like my stomach.
Maria: I get as sappy as "Dive" gets sweary.
That's a whole lot of sap!
What the hell... I can't spell for damn, excuse me while I smash my keyboard into bits
Really? I've done impressive things with my belly, but redial isn't one of them. Well done.
I love ya DB...and miss patting that sweet phone-dialing-tum-tum of yours!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAH! Was looking at London shots today...waaaaaaaaaah again!
Someday we'll do the town again too!!!
GUESS WHAT? I eat raw salmon now!!!
;)))))))xoxoxo
Rich: I know how you feel. I live in Typo Hell.
Sassy: Now you've got to fess up. A post on the impressive things you've done with your belly is eagerly awaited.
Ame: We've GOT to do the town again. Properly, now you've done the touristy bits. And now you've done raw salmon, the next step is whalemeat. Hee hee. XOX
How I long for the days of phones with mute buttons. Especially now that we get international cold calls at nine in the morning congratulating us on winning a month long holiday in Florida.
Bah.
multi-talented, sugar ;-)
Actually, flu's not bad for the shape, Dive. I've lost some over the last week. Trouble is, someone brought me a chocolate cake yesterday, Robyn-delicious-ilk. It's oozing and moist and someone else baked me some biscuits. Better not leave the phone on my lap then huh.
Betty: I suppose the one advantage of those new phones is that you can take the bastards down to the bottom of the garden and leave 'em there.
Savannah: And they said men couldn't multi-task!
Lynn: Oozing and moist is good. Cake and biscuits, too. Glad you're feeling better.
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