Which kinda begs the question: what on earth do you get someone who has already had well over two thousand birthdays?
More socks?
A CD compilation of cheesy, Christmas songs?
I can't really see Him sitting in front of the telly after Christmas dinner in a crappy Santa sweater.
And gift certificates are a bit of a cop out for the son of God.
A nice beard trimmer, perhaps?
Well, that's one dilemma I no longer have to worry about as I already know what I'm getting Him.
And don't you go copying me!
I found this in Barcelona's chocolate museum (oh, yes! There really is such a place):
A chocolate pieta!Yay!
Tasteless, yet tasty.
How could He not love that?
So … that's my present sorted; what are YOU going to buy Jesus for His birthday?
Sing along, y'all …
"Don't go to church on Sunday
Don't get on my knees to pray
Don't memorize the books of the Bible
I got my own special way
I know Jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall on my knees every Sunday
At Zerelda Lee's candy store
Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Keep me satisfied
Well I don't want no Anna Zabba
Don't want no Almond Joy
There ain't nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well it's the only thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold
See only a chocolate Jesus
Can satisfy my soul
(Solo)
When the weather gets rough
And it's whiskey in the shade
It's best to wrap your savior
Up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
But that's ok
Pour him over ice cream
For a nice parfait
Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Good enough for me
Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Keep me satisfied"
25 comments:
You've been to Barcelona? I thought you were ill!
We all tend to bypass the fact that it's His birthday I suppose. This chocolate figure is superb. I'd prefer to eat Him myself though. Perhaps I should rephrase...is that blasphemous?
What shall I get Him? Er...well I've already produced three more inhabitants of the planet for Him but what for his birthday? ER...
I think I'd buy him some new clobber. That old wrap around cloth he's been sporting for thousands of years is looking a bit tired. How about a sharp suit, a white shirt and a tie. Yep that'll do for me. HandSOME!
By the way, where's your Mum? She's not been blogging for a while. Is she ok? Don't tell me: you've moved her in to cook, clean and bring you yummy meals while you're ill and you won't let her use your computer?
Now that's just ridiculous. I wonder if Jesus looks at something like that and shakes his head to cry or laugh.
And if you dare say something like "neither because he's dead," I'll slug you right in the gut. How's that for Christian love?
ROTFL!!!! OMG, as we get ready to have the girls sing in the church choir this morning, I am now in the right mindset. I am so grateful to you and the cocoa gods, Dive.
Hubby took one look at the pic and said, "That's bad." And he's not even a church goer!
Lynn: No, I've been stuck at home getting rid of the disgusting after-effects of my flu. I think Barcelona is already beautiful and enticing enough without a chocolate museum to add to its allure, but that is just where they decided to build one.
As for your eating Jesus … ahem!
Mum has been suffering this same crappy bug as I have, plus doing all of her usual pre-Christmas frenzy of whatever people who do Christmas do at Christmas.
Robyn: I wouldn't dare!
Katherine: You're right that it's bad; it should have been delicious dark chocolate instead of icky milk chocolate.
I suppose it's what's in the mind of the maker (the chocolate maker, not *the* Maker) that matters - if that's their way of revering Him, then fine, but I agree with Scout, it looks ridiculous! Thanks for posting Tom. A Sunday afternoon treat. I don't have Mule Variations (I think I prefer the old stuff).
Ridiculous and yet strangely enticing, Pea.
I wonder which bit people would eat first?
It's never any hardship to post a Tom Waits song.
Ahhh give her my best wishes, Dive.
Ok now I have to get to Barcelona. Gaudi mosaics AND a chocolate museum? Sign me up! I agree that this chocolate pieta should be in dark chocolate (at least 72% or higher, don't you think?); better for your health than milk chocolate too. And the Waits song is just too perfect for this. Something tells me I'd really like Zerelda Lee's candy store.
I found a bunch of fuchsia glitter Madonnas (MMOG, not the pop star) at a chain bookstore last week. Too tacky!! They stand about 1-foot high and are covered head-to-toe in fuchsia glitter. Plus, they have coin-slots in the back...they're BANKS!!
Hope you're feeling better soon. I'd send you some of mom's amazing chicken and matzo-ball soup, but it would transmorgraphy into a biological weapon somewhere over the Atlantic.
I love Tom Waits.
And I LOVE that fact that Robyn is beating the shit out of you on Jesus' behalf.
I'll be sure to, Lynn.
Katie: after London this year and Paris next year, who knows? Maybe Barcelona and the chocolate museum.
Lulu: fuchsia glitter Madonna banks? I waaaaant one!
I'd also love to try your mom's chicken and matzo-ball soup. I'm a sheltered Englishman so I don't even know what matzo-balls are but I want to find out!
T: Me too.
Tom Waits, I mean; not the fact that Robyn is beating the crap out of me for Jesus.
That's twice this week; Shan gave me "an uppercut for Jesus" the other day.
Sorry,I don't like chocolate
There is the dilema of what do you bite off first?
Hi!
That chocolate Jesus is beautiful! It must have taken ages to produce it.
Great blog!
Best wishes,
Skeeter
Not sure about you but I always eat the head first!!!!
Hope you feel better Dive - I mean I know you feel good - but in yourself I hope you are responding to all the medications(I saw you sneak that bottle upstairs!!!!).
Matzo is the unleavened bread Jews eat at Passover. Matzo Meal is ground-up matzo. Matzo Balls are Jewish dumplings, made with matzo meal. Made well (as with this recipe) they are light and fluffy. Made poorly they are leaden. You can usually find matzo meal year 'round in markets that cater to a Jewish clientele. You can also grind matzo in a food processor to make your own meal.
Matzo Balls are traditionally served in chicken soup (aka Jewish penicillin). Together they are called "Matzo Ball Soup." It is served year-round and is a home remedy for colds and flu.
Here's the recipe. The measures are Colonial.
First, you need double-strength chicken soup. You know how to do make that...it's a basic chicken stock made with carrots, celery, onions, parsley, dill, leek, turnip, parsnips, salt and pepper. Boil it down to double-strength.
Matzo Balls
===========
2 eggs
¾ teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
¼ cup margarine, melted
¼ cup chopped curly parsley
¾ cup matzo meal
¼ cup water
2-1/2 quarts boiling water
1 tablespoon salt
Vegetable oil for hands (plain vegetable, corn or canola oil is fine)
> In a small bowl with a rotary beater, beat eggs with salt pepper, margarine, parsley and water.
> Stir in matzo meal to blend well. Batter will be quite stiff.
> Refrigerate 1 hour
> After 1 hour, lightly roll batter into balls 1 level tablespoon at a time with oiled hands.
> Formed matzo balls can be refrigerated, covered, 30-60 minutes before being cooked.
>In a 4-quart saucepan, bring 2-1/2 quarts water to a rolling boil. Add 1 tablespoon salt
> Carefully drop in matzo balls
> Reduce heat, simmer covered for 25 minutes.
> Lift out of pot with slotted spoon. Serve in chicken soup.
Anonymous: That's quite possibly the weirdest thing I have ever heard.
Shazza: Are you the type who saves the best bit until last or do you just dive straight in there?
Hi, Skeeter. Welcome and thanks for the good wishes.
I don't doubt the skill of the sculptor, just their judgement in choosing a subject.
Jules … er … I think I'll keep my legs crossed all day now. Hee hee.
I am on the mend, thank you.
Lulu: Woohoo! Thank you so much for the recipe. I always have good home-made chicken stock in the freezer so I'll be making my first matzo balls over the coming holiday. I can't wait!
Well, with chocolate bunnies I bite the ears off first and then just work my way down.
This would be kind of hard to decide. Mary's head would be the most logical place, but Jesus's feet look tempting too.
I am so going to hell aren't I?
Hee hee hee!
In a handcart, Shazza.
Sorry, it's taken me two days to read this. I keep going between looking at the picture, looking for my headphones, looking back at the picture and wondering what to eat first. I think I'd go for Mary's head. (It protrudes the most). Jesus' legs are a bit vulnerable as well.
Eating Mary's head first, Neetzy.
Cool!
You didn't - by any chance - have a Catholic upbringing, did you?
Does my Catholic upbringing show that much? Hah. I had to endure the nuns and all. Shazza and Monkeytooth were spared that rod.
Oh, Dive...been so busy this week that I haven't been able to check out my favorite blog...but I am settling in now to partake of yours again and feel schoolgirly and excited.
And I once got a chocolate Leave it to Beaver present. And yes, it was a gag gift. And yes, it was a beaver. And not the animal...
Oh, my!
That would go well with the "Beaver Liquor" silly teeshirt a friend once brought me from the States.
I can't believe you have towns there called Beaver. Our local pub ladies darts team is called the Beavers.
Hey ho.
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