Holy crap! It was festive Hell!
I used up all my swearwords on other people so all I have left now (other than a shitload of presents to wrap) is a couple of signs that tickled us and that Phil snapped with his cameraphone.
We love it when Health and Safety legislation goes to ridiculous extremes.This was Marks and Spencer being very silly indeed.
Don't you just love the word "fecund"?And you can just imagine your loved ones unwrapping this on Christmas morning:
"Wow! You got me some real hair! Just what I've always wanted!
And it's PINK!"
As this is a filler post I shall fill it up with more classic stupid signage we've spotted.
After the last two "collectibles" posts, this seems apt."Stuff your own collectible animal".
Hmm … bestiality and kapok; a fine combination.
This was Boots, selling booze in the baby food aisle.The sign at the top of the photo explains a lot about our kids today.
Tasty!If ever you're caught short in John Lewis and you're peckish, too, you can kill two birds with one stone.
Eww!
Christmas shopping.
Nuff said …
21 comments:
Fabulous signage! And I do hope you bought some fecund pink hair to wear to the office on Monday. So are there explosives in some of the Christmas crackers? I'm confused; I thought there were little treats and funny hats. Anyway, my favorite sign by far is definitely Toilets The Place To Eat. Classic. Thanks for braving hell to bring us these glimpses of the holidays!
So that's what the entrance to hell looks like.
Now I'll be able to recognize it when my time comes.
Thanks Dive - you are one helpful guy!
Here in the Colonies "crackers" are either (1) small, savory flatbreads usually served with cheese or (2) ingnorant, intolerant rural white trash living in the Southern US (think Deliverance). While I doubt the sign is reminding shoppers of the prohibition against selling humans, what exactly is forbidden in this instance?
Secondly, whilst visiting your fair island in the 1980s I was told quite sternly that "stuff" is a vulgar colloquialism never to be used in polite conversation. What is the word doing on a poster outside what appears to be what we Colonials would term a Build-a-Bear shop?
Please explain, so that I might update my British-to-Colonial reference guide.
I spent this morning finishing my Christmas shopping. I am amazed that I lived to tell the tale.
It was truly hell.
This isn't a filler post, Dive, I love this collection of pics!
Last time I was in Derby, one of those Tie Rack type stalls had a spinner full of pairs of gloves, with red tickets on saying "3 for 2". Hmm. I wish I'd had a camera with me.
Those toilets are pretty classy, Katie. The menu is crap though (sorry, hee hee).
The crackers have a thing like kids' cap guns used to have in the sixties so they go BANG when you pull them. You'd need around a million of them to even blow up a balloon but technically the ingredients are "explosive" so they're covered under Health and Safety legislation and need a stupid notice like this one.
Shazza: Who'd have guessed it; a pink curtained vestibule to Hell?
Lulu: Crackers are stupid tubes with silly gifts and bad jokes and paper hats inside that people pull apart (they go BANG) at parties.
Stuff is a euphemism for the F word, among other more innocent things.
We truly are two nations divided by a common language.
Maria: I'm with you there. I got home and needed a lie down and some painkillers. Sheesh!
Pea: Hee hee hee! 3 for 2 gloves! I love it!
I seem to have been stuck in queues for an hour at a time all day and every day for a month. Do people just join the end of queues for the sake of it because it's Christmas? It seems that I do ...
Now that I know that Christmas crackers are a fire hazard I'll be lighting matches feet away from them to help the festive season go off with a bang. Perhaps I can set fire to some fecund pink hair too.
Festive pyromania? Fun!
I usually do my shopping at opening time to avoid queues, Betty, but this morning it was just crazy! Who ARE all these people? Do they only come out at Christmas?
Sheesh!
I believe you will like something a blogger noticed:
"Santa has the same letters as ...Satan". Good night.
So Hell is decorated for the Holidays! Hooray! Shit. The toilets, the hair, it is all hilarious. I've been busy for a few days and I don't know if I'll be able to catch up with all of your posts.
This one was hilarious Dive! My daughters LOVED it.
Once again, I'm catching up and reading them in reverse order. Forgive me.
HA! Brilliant, Dive. The explosive one is just unbelievable. Nearly.
Very fecund funny. (Excuse my language.)
i am sailing past all of the hassle, sugar! ;) xoxoxo
Ha ha - these are great. I'm with Katie - the place to eat wins hands down (oops).
What did you get me? QRx
Anonymous: I don't know which is scarier; that Santa has some of Satan in him or that Satan has some of Santa.
I love anagrams (as you'll know if you root around in my archives long enough). My favourite is The Houses of Parliament; rearrange the letters and you find The House of Rampant Lies.
Neetzy: I would so love to do the Christmas decorations in Hell. Actually, that's where I'm heading (in a handcart) so I think I'll submit my resumé early.
Lynn: I would have stolen it and placed it in their food department amongst the crackers for a photo but the place was teeming with security staff. Hey ho.
Lucio: Hee hee, Wash your mouth out, young man!
Savannah: you are so lucky!
xoxoxp
Mme: If ever you make it to Norwich we can go eat there … er … maybe not.
Rose: Wait and see what Santa brings.
So is the kithchen in the restroom?
We did the whole "cracker bit at my mother in-law's house last Christmas or was it New Years eve. whatever - I thought it was rather dumb.
Rich: I have never dared venture in there to find out.
And yes, Christmas crackers are lame, but that's most of their appeal.
HAHA! OH dear! The last one made me laugh =D
Well, they don't like to feel excluded from Christmas down there, Dot, so they pimp the place up a bit.
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