As any fule kno, I'm a sucker for postwar American kitsch.
And Katie's wonderful vintage postcard blog, Katiefornia, is my opium den of choice whenever I need to feed my habit for "noir" era Americana.
From the forties to the sixties, American design was a riot of wonderfully tacky, over-the-top signs with exuberantly joyous fonts, bright colours and sharp angles; there were big, handsome cars sporting acres of chrome trim and smart white-wall tyres; and the ladies … sigh … the dresses were fabulous, darling! Simply divine.
Today's postcard (stolen from Katie) just gave me a fit of the giggles.
Ostensibly a view of the Columbia River from Washington's Evergreen Highway, what we are actually witnessing is a gangland execution by the American equivalent of the W.I.
Not many people know of the Women's Institute's stranglehold on organised crime. The Mafia are bumbling amateurs in comparison (men can't multi-task for a start).
Sure, they still raise funds by making jam to sell at fêtes, but that's just a front.
Next time you spot 'em hawking chutney from a stall at your local church fundraiser try whispering to one of the little old dears that you'd "like to see the Godmother about a favour."
Anyhoo; what we have here is a W.I. "hit" on a client who hasn't ponied up.
This poor guy isn't taking a photo; he's praying for mercy …
"I promise ya. Just gimme one more day and I'll getcha money, Lady.Please! I'm beggin' ya!"
"Sorry, Mo; we ain't a charity."
"Er … But I thought …"
"Okay, so technically we are a charity but that's not the point.
The point is: it's time to die, motherfucker."
BANG
31 comments:
LOL soooo funny! I don't know how you managed to do that? Hilarious!
Sometimes it takes an age to load to your comments box Dive. It's just possible that it's just me on my ancient laptop, but it's also only on your site that it happens. Just thought i'd mention.
Very funny! Come on down and have a look at my rather wobbly full moon photos. Please?
Lynn: a couple of minutes with Photoshop is all that's needed to turn the W.I. into killers.
I have no idea what might cause the comments box to load slowly. It loads fine for me. Sorry about that.
Mme: they are lovely. Very atmospheric.
and we're still good at it, sugar...i mean, dubya? how kitchy can you get? xoxxo
Would you be so kind as to have a word with the "Godmother" about whacking him, Savannah?
xoxox
Brilliant effect!!!!!! He has even lost his cap.
The Godmother will see you know.
That is funny! Thanks for the giggle on humpday.
Robyn: I had originally just laid him down, but it looked silly so I knocked his cap off which made it a bit more realistic. Well spotted!
Cheers, Prudence! I just hope The Godmother doesn't expect me to kiss her ring … Ew!
Oh my gawd that's TOO hysterical Dive! I think I just woke my neighbors by hooting out loud at the guy lying on the ground. I don't have Photoshop so it never would have occurred to me to do something like this! I love your story and dialogue too. Glad that you're enjoying my silly little postcard collection! You can thank Lynn for encouraging me to take the dive (hee hee) into Blogville. (Thanks Lynn!)
Thanks, Katie; I'm so glad you approve.
I must confess to having been tempted before but this one simply proved too irresistible.
Every home should have a copy of Photoshop!
And thank you Lynn, for encouraging Katie to come up with one of my very favourite sites.
Oh my pleasure. The moment Katie told me she had a postcard collection i knew we'd all love a blog about it, and we do!
I've not got Photoshop on this non-windows laptop so i miss it. Yes you can have a lot of fun with it, but Dive you've done this so well. lol ! More!
I may well give in to temptation more often, Lynn.
This one was so much fun and only took a couple of minutes.
Katie's postcards are amazing. So evocative and some of them are truly hilarious.
Lynn and Dive just for you tonight I'll feature a postcard from your side of the pond! You just might find it to be evocative and hilarious. No plans to get Photoshop though; I waste enough time on the computer as it is!
That's a gas, Dive.
Only problem; Maude and Ethel can't drive.
So much for multi-tasking tarts !!
Cool, Katie. I can't wait!
Monsieur: Two women armed with shovels and a gun don't NEED to know how to drive. Men will do ANYTHING for women like that.
Dive, that is absolutely the most hysterical re-arranging of a postcard I've ever seen. Couldn't stop laughing. You are just TOO much. An imagination run amok.
Hee hee. Thanks, Cynthia.
I apologise for the language but we're a rough crowd over here on the wrong side of the Blogville tracks.
Can't wait to see the next one.
Katie i'm on my way.
Oh Dive, Katie's Parisian Lamp is crying out for treatment.
Well Dive I'm glad my Mom liked your updated postcard and story. I actually haven't talked to her yet today, but I guess she can handle the salty language and subject matter!
Lynn I think the racy lamp is fine just the way it is. Or maybe Dive could put some clothes on her.
This is hysterical - I laughed out loud.
M B - all they have to do is show a leg or two, hail down a car, and with their hand-gun and a nice smile get the driver to take them home.....geez you guys have no problem solving skills!!!!
Only a woman would be cheeky enough to off someone while wearing an ever so clever looking little red hat....
Now I have seen everything.
Lynn: The Parisian lamp is quite scary enough left to its own devices.
Katie: I was surprised to see your mom over here (I recall going "EEK!"), but like all mothers, she has been there, done that and bought the teeshirt long before us.
Moms are pretty savvy.
Cheers, Jules.
Hee hee. A bit of leg, a nice smile and a handgun are all a girl needs.
Maria: Little Red Riding Hood always struck me as a sinister and manipulative kid. This is her all growed up.
Kate: You HAVE?
Wow!
What's it look like?
Jules,
In Australia they would get home about sun-up after all that leg business !!
Hilarious! Well-photoshopped! Especially the detail with the guy's cap. What a fun twisted sense of humor!
Monsieur B: You are incorrigible.
Ms. M: Thank you so much. It is indeed fun to have a mind as twisted as a balloon animal.
Brilliant. It's the best thing you've done with P'shop since 'Old Tugger'. xx
Hee hee, Pea.
Thank you. I've been thinking of updating the Sellafield Nature Calendar. Old Tugger might live again. Hee hee.
Sooooo amazing and funny, but professional too. A neophyte couldn't accomplish this one! I'm glad that Katie gave the link. Her postcards are wonderful.
At my blog I have "Old Post Card Wednesday" and you are welcome to stop by once a week if you're in the neighborhood. :)
I'll be there, Lydia.
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