After the tragic and heinous murder of Russian dissident Alexander Litvinenko, it turns out that radiation from polonium-210 (by weight, about 250 million times as toxic as cyanide) has been found at his home, at a hotel he visited on Grosvenor Square, and in the Itsu sushi bar in Piccadilly, currently closed for forensic examination and decontamination.
Er … Oops!
Remind me not to buy sushi from places where Russian dissidents have recently been poisoned.
Mum phoned me in a panic this evening to say "Tell me you haven't been near there".
What could I say but "Er … I often eat there. They do good sashimi. I kicked my way through all the journalists to get lunch there the next day, then moaned about the crowds of freeloading pressmen on my blog."
She howled a bit and went on "They're trying to trace anyone who's been in there."
Then I remembered she's a Daily Mail reader.
For those not from our shores, this is a shitty little rag, run by an ex-nazi which exists solely to frighten the ignorant and the elderly (if a black guy crosses the road in Peckham, they have three inch banner headlines shrieking about immigrants bringing road chaos to the capital).
So I went on line and had a look and managed to reassure her (see the BBC news site's articles on Litvinenko's murder and on polonium-210).
I've had a bit of a death wish going for the past ten years or so, but it turns out I'd probably have to have eaten poor Mr. Litvinenko's fæces or snogged him to be in any significant danger. Oh, well …
My deepest sympathies to his family.
And Vlad … Maybe you should have used thallium after all. Using polonium-201 is a bit of a giveaway. It turns out that you don't just brew this stuff up in your kitchen; it needs a nuclear reactor and a government sized budget to isolate it …
Deny it all you like, but you are in deep shit my son.
6 comments:
La vie c'est belle indeed, Jamesee.
Oh dear. Perhaps it's time to get a new favorite cuisine?
"They're trying to trace anyone who's been in there."
Just turn out your light and see if you glow, you should be easy to trace.
Sassy, I'd love to go back to being veggie, but I'm determined to carry on with my evil plan to overfish the oceans until there's nothing left alive, then put it all in my mouth.
Mmm … sashimi …
Old K. D'you remember those Quaker Oats adverts with the glowing kids who looked like they'd been cleaning Springfield nuclear reactor for Mister Burns?
There's nuclear waste, and then there's me: the nuclear waster.
Ready brek was the substance they were trying to pass off as food, the answer to daylight saving's darkest mornings.
That's the stuff.
Eat our crap and your kids will glow in the dark. Scary!
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