Somewhere up there in whatever passes for my own personal and somewhat squalid pantheon, a minor and very miserable little deity seems to know I like mondays and is determined to spoil them for me.
This morning, in the pitch dark at 5:30, with the wind and rain lashing down, I get to my parking space at the station to find my nice lockable post has been ripped out of the ground and a trashed, stolen car is parked in my space.
No other free spaces, so I park in the £12 a day car park down the road and run through the rain to catch my train …
Which crawls along at 40mph, due to "adverse railhead conditions" (it's raining) …
Then it breaks down in the middle of nowhere and we sit for another hour with the heating off …
And when I eventually reach London at around nine-thirty, the tube isn't working because of over-running engineering works, so I walk the four miles in the rain.
I still like mondays though. So nyaah nyaah to whichever deity is trying to piss me off. You're looking for a wedgie at the very least, matey.
Which brings me on to Vladimir Putin.
Look, tosh. If you're going to poison people you disagree with, DON'T do it in a sushi bar in Piccadilly!
I would say don't do it at all, but I understand that there are times when the democratic process just isn't enough and you just have to try to kill someone.
But don't do it where I'm trying to buy lunch after an already stressful morning and have to fight my way through a horde of fucking journalists on expense accounts who fancy a free plate of sushi.
Look what you've done. I was doing alright but now you've made me all grumpy, you ex KGB twat.
If there's anybody in Moscow reading this, please give Vlad a kick up the arse from me.
11 comments:
I just love how you have turned international espionage into something about you. It's perfect. I thought I was the only one who did that.
I was just feeling like the Monday God had thrown everything he had got at me and I had managed to stay cheerful, when I got to the sushi bar and WHAM … suddenly it was as if Vlad had done it just to spite me.
One of these days, I'll get to write something which isn't a moaning piece of old gripe.
Old Gripe seems to suit you in an endearing way.
Well, off to another horn lesson so that later today, I can say "I suck."
Monday's are a new lease on life!! I love Monday's myself...
Sounds like your Monday started out just perfect! Just perfect!
We broke down on the way home, too.
I've spent just over nine hours of today travelling to work and back.
And in a few hours, I'm about to start all over again.
Oh Joy of Joys!
Er … Robyn …
Aren't you supposed to blow?
Funny. When it comes to playing the horn, I think you can blow and suck at the same time. Well, if that isn't a line Old Knusden would fall down over........
Eh, this is what happens when you name a baby Vladimir. Cf., Ghengis, Orenthal.
"Looks like someone has a case of the Mondaaaaays!"
office space
I'll phone my old contacts at the Kremlin and see about that arse kicking for ya, or if you see Red Ken about just ask him.
Dive, all of these tales about your ruined Mondays point to one thing---they suck. They suck for a reason. If not for the fact that you have to go to work, then for the fact that nothing else works. When did you become Vlad's latest target on his poison list? Monday. That just wouldn't happen on Thursday, as he would know that you aren't that high up on his wedgie list.
Post a Comment