Oh, fuck …
In to Norwich this morning for coffee and breakfast. Inevitably, the stripey tights brigade are conspicuous by their absence. Ever since my post on the subject, Waterstone's (née Otto's) can't have sold a single witchy book on a saturday morning; I'm ruining their trade …
So anyway; Norwich now has officially the best shopping centre in the country and I want some nice black sweaters for the winter. No problem there then …
Hah!
If I want any colour other than black, I can have as many sweaters as I want.
If I want black sweaters with fucking zips up the front, or with stupid pieces of fabric sewn on to them with meaningless numbers stencilled on, or crappy coloured trim, I can have as many sweaters as I want.
If I want plain black sweaters, I can just fuck off.
I meet little brother Phil.
"Why do you have to have black?"
"Because I LIKE BLACK!"
Its not that I look any better in black, it's just that other colours make me look even worse. And I like black … Black 501's, black hi-tops, black teeshirts and sweaters … That's me … BLACK.
I'm a grumpy fucker and it suits my personality.
And this is supposed to be the best shopping centre in the country …
Hah, again …
Phil says "Why don't you try M&S?"
"WHAT? Shop with all the pensioners in Europe's most untrendy store? M&S? The store who are so up to the minute that they have TWIGGY as their top model?" (The fact that I've fancied Twiggy since the sixties and that she's still gorgeous does not detract from the fact that she is not exactly the face of century 21) …
No way! So we pop in to Next. Same old story … I'm almost at the stage when I want to torch the place …
In the end I have to admit defeat and, grumbling and shuffling like the middle aged curmudgeon I have so obviously become, I leave the realm of the young and attractive and slope off to M&S.
This is depressing. The shop is indeed filled to the brim with the elderly. Dead people in a chrysalis state, "ooh"ing and "aah"ing over underpants and socks …
And there, in M&S menswear (men swear indeed), are racks full of lovely black sweaters. I can have V-neck, crew neck, roll neck, merino, cashmere, anything my flinty heart desires (including nice pictures of Twiggy) …
I leave with a V-neck cashmere sweater. Plain black. Perfect fit. Exactly what I wanted.
And I know that I'll be back for more.
And I know that, at last, with sinking heart, I have officially joined the ranks of the old. And that all I have left to look forward to is shuffling round M&S, moaning and bitching, then death …
Oh, fuck …
7 comments:
Oh, isn't as bad as that, is it? Aging, I mean. I get a little tug in my gut when I go shopping with my skinny teenage daughters, and they shop as stylish stores with teeny model photos on every wall. Then I excuse myself and go to the old fart mommy store with elastic waists and shoulder pads. At least I always rip out the shoulder pads.
Just remember that no one knows where you got your now-stylish sweater, and you will make it stylish and trendy just by showing it off. Tell people it's from an exclusive shop they couldn't afford.
Having spent some time cleaning last night's red wine off my keyboard, you've just made me spray green tea over it!
"the old fart mommy store with elastic waists …"
ELASTIC WAISTS!
Thank you, Robyn. I feel suddenly young(ish) again.
Oh no, Dive. Shopping with the aged. Not a good sign.
It could be worse, though---at least you found a sweater. Right now I'm stuck in that I'm not 17 anymore and don't want to look like a young hooker in training, but I'm not ready for the coordinating polyester sets yet, either stage (sorry, Robyn, I can't do the old fart store with elastic waists just yet). I prefer black myself. So I tend to pick and choose where I can (H&M is a favorite, as is American Apparell for tee shirts [though there is a bit of the hooker in training going on there too, but not in what I buy]).
The most troubling thing is that bad 80s fashion is making a serious comeback. Robyn, those shoulder pads might be the height of fashion once again.
Shoulderpads are just about acceptable in American Football, but for women? No no no no no!
If you're stuck between kiddie/tart and elasticated waists, I like the old Audrey Hepburn black capris and black sweater look (for women, not for me) …
But perhaps I'm just an old letch.
As Blooper won't let me publish anything I will troll comments, you're still too picky with your clothes,like a young fella I say, if it covers yer arse and keeps you warm then its a winner, Primark is the fanicest place I'll shop, I'll no pay more than £10.00 for a jumper or my chest starts to hurt.
I discovered some time ago that M&S usually come up with the goods where others fail, but I kept it to myself. S'funny, isn't it - they have tried and tried again to shake off their fuddy-duddy image by filling the windows with the same overpriced trendy crap that the fashion shops sell, but it doesn't work and us fogies still go in for our flat shoes and cardys.
And pictures of Twiggy …
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