Yup … Dive the handyman.
For some strange reason (I truly believe I will suddenly understand women the moment before I die and will leave this world with a very surprised look on my face) Lynn and Petrea seem to find the fact that I put up some crappy shelves in the gym on Sunday somehow sexy.
To knock that sexiness on the head, here are the crappy shelves.
I just needed somewhere to put a whole load of CDs and DVDs and there happened to be a spare wall in the gym so …
Just as well I left room for expansion. I can squeeze another three shelves up there and there are hundreds more CDs in the studio …
Sheesh!
And yes, laydees; that is where I get nekkid and sweaty (not currently having any reason to do so in the bedroom).
So …
Let's get serious with a screwdriver …
At the risk of causing swoons and simpering from Tewkesbury to Pasadena, pray allow me to take you way back in the mists of time to when I bought my first house.
I believe the term for this kind of thing is "a fixer-upper".
Well … I fixed the fucker up myself.
It took me eighteen months and at the end of it I never wanted to see any of it ever again, so I sold it on the very day I finished it.
Hmmm … This doesn't look good.
Right! Throw some old curtains over everything and let's rip the shit out of this place!
Having re-wired and re-plumbed it (and stupidly not taken photos … these are about all I could find … if only I knew then what weemen find sexy), I started replastering the ceilings and walls.
Note the neat re-wiring job on the new dimmer switch.
And okay, Ming the Menstrual did have a sweet ass, I'll give her that.
I do have a weakness for a cute bippy, laydees please take note.
Katie says:
Fuck off! This is MY dust sheet. Go find your own.
She also got kinda fascinated by just about everything …
"Wotcha doin'?"
"I'm hitting crap with a hammer, what's it LOOK like I'm doing?"
Anyhoo …
Here's some Divery:
Before …
During …
And after.
I used to love all this stuff.
Ming even helped with the papering. Sort of.
Dive and Nigel put up a greenhouse …
According to the instructions it was supposed to be a table but you know what Ikea are like.
While Dive and Phil make a start on the front garden.
Cheeses of Nazareth, I wish I were that skinny today!
Phil celebrates ripping the old kitchen to bits by adopting a classic eighties bad hair-do.
That's dad on the right. I love my dad and miss him a lot. He taught me how to do all this crap (except wallpapering … mum's the expert at that … I thought I'd better mention it before SHE did … OW)!
Note the little red First Aid kit on the right. Probably the most essential piece of kit for home renovations.
Check out the Osama bin Dickwad beard!
Fuck me, what was I thinking?
At least I found a use for one of those crappy jumpers I used to get for Christmas.
Hey, I've still got that drill! I used it to put the shelves up at the weekend. Yay!
"Feed me! … Stop dicking around with all this kitchen crap and FEED ME!"
There's always one screw … one fucking awkward screw you just can't get at.
Yay for a nice new gas hob!
Actually I could do with a new one here but bollocks to making another kitchen; I'll pay some other fucker to do that.
Anyhoo … I kinda liked that kitchen.
It was bigger than the crappy one I'm stuck with today.
Hey ho.
So … There you have it.
I can cook, iron and put up shelves.
All I need now is a pretty girl to do all that stuff for …
… with a cute bippy, of course.
To knock that sexiness on the head, here are the crappy shelves.I just needed somewhere to put a whole load of CDs and DVDs and there happened to be a spare wall in the gym so …
Just as well I left room for expansion. I can squeeze another three shelves up there and there are hundreds more CDs in the studio …Sheesh!
And yes, laydees; that is where I get nekkid and sweaty (not currently having any reason to do so in the bedroom).
So …
Let's get serious with a screwdriver …
At the risk of causing swoons and simpering from Tewkesbury to Pasadena, pray allow me to take you way back in the mists of time to when I bought my first house.
I believe the term for this kind of thing is "a fixer-upper".Well … I fixed the fucker up myself.
It took me eighteen months and at the end of it I never wanted to see any of it ever again, so I sold it on the very day I finished it.
Hmmm … This doesn't look good.
Right! Throw some old curtains over everything and let's rip the shit out of this place!
Having re-wired and re-plumbed it (and stupidly not taken photos … these are about all I could find … if only I knew then what weemen find sexy), I started replastering the ceilings and walls.
Note the neat re-wiring job on the new dimmer switch.And okay, Ming the Menstrual did have a sweet ass, I'll give her that.
I do have a weakness for a cute bippy, laydees please take note.
Katie says:Fuck off! This is MY dust sheet. Go find your own.
She also got kinda fascinated by just about everything …"Wotcha doin'?"
"I'm hitting crap with a hammer, what's it LOOK like I'm doing?"
Anyhoo …Here's some Divery:
Before …
During …
And after.
I used to love all this stuff.
Ming even helped with the papering. Sort of.
Dive and Nigel put up a greenhouse …According to the instructions it was supposed to be a table but you know what Ikea are like.
While Dive and Phil make a start on the front garden.Cheeses of Nazareth, I wish I were that skinny today!
Phil celebrates ripping the old kitchen to bits by adopting a classic eighties bad hair-do.That's dad on the right. I love my dad and miss him a lot. He taught me how to do all this crap (except wallpapering … mum's the expert at that … I thought I'd better mention it before SHE did … OW)!
Note the little red First Aid kit on the right. Probably the most essential piece of kit for home renovations.
Check out the Osama bin Dickwad beard!Fuck me, what was I thinking?
At least I found a use for one of those crappy jumpers I used to get for Christmas.
Hey, I've still got that drill! I used it to put the shelves up at the weekend. Yay!
"Feed me! … Stop dicking around with all this kitchen crap and FEED ME!"
There's always one screw … one fucking awkward screw you just can't get at.Yay for a nice new gas hob!
Actually I could do with a new one here but bollocks to making another kitchen; I'll pay some other fucker to do that.
Anyhoo … I kinda liked that kitchen.
It was bigger than the crappy one I'm stuck with today.Hey ho.
So … There you have it.
I can cook, iron and put up shelves.
All I need now is a pretty girl to do all that stuff for …
… with a cute bippy, of course.
36 comments:
nicely done, sugar! ;) xoxox
(i love you even more...)
I do love making a mess, Savannah.
xoxox
Wow Dive, you can cook, play guitar and do home repairs. I hope the Miss Bippy of your dreams is reading this. You're a great catch!
Me too, Shazza!
Mmmmmm … Bippy …
Hee hee.
Look at what your cute bippy did! Nice work!
It's been a lot of years since my own bippy was anywhere near cute, Sassy!
MMMM that brought back some memories, some better forgotten, glad you remembered who could wallpaper!!
Loved all that hair on you boys.....
Yup, I suppose bad hair is better than the no-hair I'm stuck with these days.
Hey ho.
Good work Dive. You made that place look really nice. Do it yourself and do it right.
ps Could you post some more photos of Ming the Menstrual and her lovely arse?
Mark: Having done all that crap once I vowed I'd never do it again.
That goes for Ming as well as for renovating a house.
She may turn up from time to time but I certainly won't be posting any "glamour" shots of her, or anyone else.
Having said that, you can see her swimsuit-clad ass diving into our old pool this post:
http://smallglassplanet.blogspot
.com/2008/05/mme-benaut
-swimsuit-challenge.html
but that's all you're getting, I'm afraid.
Hot stuff Dive,
I must agree that it is far easier to hire people to do that stuff! Nowadays our contractor friends need all the work they can get.
Wow, a professional at work! I'm so glad that you had these photos to share with us, even though you sold the house. I guess that I'm a bit like Lynn and Petrea, I do like a man who is handy around the house. Now if I could just get MB to do the cooking and the ironing, I'd be in heaven ...
That's me out then.
Gosh Dive I really am swooning at all that. I guess you must have been all kind of worn out and wearing old clothes and sweating and stuff and, and...? oops sorry...carried away there.
Ming looks really lovely Dive. I wish I had her figure. Mind you maybe I did back then. Sadly no more.
What a great job you did there. Those shelves at the top, the recent job, are exactly the shelves my dear Dad put up for me a couple of years ago! Soooooo useful for my paperbacks. I love wall to wall shelves. Yes, Dive, it's really sexy that you can do all that. lol.
What a fun post! Amazing amount of work you did; I especially like the kitchen and the greenhouse. The front garden sure gave you a clear view of the nice-looking neighborhood (I hope people weren't too nosy). LQTM re that sweater. Cute cat, but what a dumb name!
Great post Dive! Love the photos AND all the fabulous house updates. I know what you mean about not wanting to do that stuff again once you were done. Our house is over a hundred years old (probably sounds young to a European) and Jamey can get so overwhelmed by all the stuff that is just laying around waiting to be ripped out and redone or just simply finished.
It can be such a nagging problem to have projects always waiting for you when you get home from work. I'm probably about as handy as Ming appears to be in those photos. I can remove wallpaper like nobody's business but putting it up? Haven't tried that I guess.
I was confused for a second as to why you were mentioning Katie until I figured out it was the kitty. :D
Ooh. Baybuh. Mmh!
The most important thing is you still have the drill.
Ms. Bippy is on her way to you, I'm sure of it. Like Shazza said, you're a catch.
Neetzy: I'm going to extend this place some time soon and put in a new kitchen and another bathroom and believe me I don NOT want to do a single thing myself. Once is more than enough!
Mme: I'm not sure ironing is part of the Aussie male's genetic make-up, though I have a feeling MB would be a dab hand at the barbie.
Hee hee, Lynn: I think I was more sweary than sexy when I was doing up the house.
And yes, Ming was a looker. I have some swimsuit shots that would make Mark's eyes pop out of his head but I won't be posting them (actually, Mark, you should pop across to Lynn's blog and see her own teen swimsuit beauty queen shots if you want to see some cute bippy).
Katie: I kinda like that name and yes, my own Katie was a cutie, a description that could not be levelled at me in that awful sweater.
Shan: Jamey has my sympathy. Doing up old places is an enticing project when you're young but as you get older the allure fades and common sense kicks in.
Petrea: Hee hee!
Yes, I still have the drill. I must confess to being amazed the thing still works after thirty years; it has aged a lot better than its owner.
And yes, I am rather hoping to meet Ms. Bippy one day, though I've been a born again virgin for so many millennia now that I'm not sure I'd know what to do if she turned up.
Hey ho.
Holy Shitoly! Those renovations are GORGEOUS! You are SO hired!
Incidentally, isn't that a weight bench I see in the background of the first pictures? Now THAT'S sexy, isn't it??
Hee hee, Katherine.
I don't have time to go to the gym with all my crap commuting so I had to bring the gym home instead.
If my cats had been as renovation capable as they were renovation curious, I'd have finished the job years earlier! That said, while I'd never renovate again, I'd always be more than happy to have another cat - or two.
he he thanks for the swimsuit plug. I'm not shy. I'm just regretful it's no more lol.
Dive just this morning some shelves inside my understairs cupboard collapsed. The remedy? The girly one of course. They now rest on an old pile of catalogues! When are you free? ;)
You know I'm a bit secretive and a bit shynessly reluctant to writte about myself.But,I have to confess
I couldn't compet for"Bippy Girls Election":I'm a bit too slim.Three
days a week I'm well attended collective funny Dances,Body Sculpt
,stretching classes in"Planet Form"
Maybe I s'ld have to approach those
awful boring muscular machines to get the appropriate bippy!!!I'm afraid It w'ld be too much time!!!
Sorry. Sigh!
TGIF Dive - we miss you!
Lucio: I miss my Katie (the cat as well as … er … Katie), but I've got my feline needs nicely sorted right now. Next door's two cats (Charlie and Fern; they're on the blog quite a lot) virtually live round at my house. They greet me when I get home from work, sleep in my garden and crap in Gerry's, cuddle and purr with me and expect him to pay for their food and vet's bills. Sorted!
Lynn: I'm afraid I'm all shelfed out for a while now.
Anonymous: Slim is good. Not knowing if you're a boy or a girl is bad.
How will I recognise you at the opera this evening?
Shazza: I miss me, too. I don't know where I've gone. If you find me, please send me back here.
I a.d.o.r.e. you when you are writing like so.
Don't be worried:there is the fluid
feeling between us:really,we can't miss us
This is all darned impressive! And that kitchen looks great.
Anonymous: The opera's about to start. Get to your seat!
Robyn: Welcome back from the Magic Kingdom! I've missed you. I'm glad you had such a great time. Those photos are amazing.
YES YES I'm here!
Yes Yes Again Again
Were we closed enough?
Emotional contagion?
Next:La Sonnambula with
Nathalie Dessay J.D Florez
Hope you have a very sweet night
What a fine performance, Anonymous.
I always enjoy the Opera Quiz during the interval, too. I sometimes manage to get the answers before the contestants but last night I only beat them to the Britten question on Peter Grimes. Hey ho.
Wow! Congratulations on Peter Grimes
Me too,I always enjoy the intermissions but I'm not able to compet!
Hee hee!
My god, you are a handyman god.
Not any more, Maria. I look at that lot and the phrase "never again" comes to mind.
Glad I checked on you, Dive I wouldn't want to miss this post. I love remoedling jobs and working with hand tools. Makes me feel like a real man. :)
You ceratianly impressed the ladies!!
I do like a lady who's easily impressed, Rich.
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