Suffer, You Bastards!

Well, that's that crap over for another year.
What's next?
Ah … Winter.
Life is a never-ending joyous carnival of things I'd rather avoid.
Hey ho.
Roll on death.

Even worse than death, here's another meme!
Thanks, Maria. Let's make the meme-haters suffer!


Maria's Numbers Meme.

Ten Favourites.

1) Favourite colour:
Black (It's a colour if I say it's a colour)!

2) Favourite food:
Sashimi.

3) Favourite song:
"Prayer To God" by Shellac.

4) Favourite movie:
Anything black and white that makes me cry like a girl.

5) Favourite sport:
Rugby Union.

6) Favourite season:
Spring. Autumn's pretty good, too. Summer and winter suck ass.

7) Favourite day of the week:
Monday. Hah!

8) Favourite ice cream:
Ben and Jerry's rainforest crunch. They stopped doing it years ago, the fat, beardy bastards.

9) Favourite time of day:
Dawn.

10) Favourite month:
May.

Nine Lasts:

1) Last cigarette:
I've never smoked tobacco. Grass, yes, but tobacco? Why the fuck would anyone want to smoke that shit? It stinks.

2) Last drink:
I've got a coffee on the go right now, but I had a scotch last night to celebrate Christmas being over.

3) Last car ride:
Last night, coming back from Mum's.

4) Last kiss:
It was in London. I'm grumpy because it won't be repeated until next year. Fuck these stupid Christmas holidays.

5) Last movie seen:
Diarios de Motocicleta. Last night.

6) Last DVD:
David Lean's wonderful, black and white Great Expectations on Christmas Eve. Winter is the season for Dickens and for black and white movies.

7) Last Phone Call:
I called Mum last night to tell her I'd got home okay (Mums are Mums all over the world).

8) Last CD Played:
Currently playing: Berg's opera: "Lulu."

9) Last Dance:
I dance all the time. Probably the last time was around the kitchen while I was brewing coffee just now. As I've said before: I dance like your dad; only worse. You don't want to see that.

Eight currents.

1) Current mood:
Grumpy. You couldn't guess?

2) Current taste:
Coffee. Other than that I have impeccable taste, as you well know.

3) Current clothes:
A Sock Monkey teeshirt with Drinky Crow on the front and a pair of glasses. Yes, that's all and yes, that's my penis.

4) Current desktop:
Some swirly water from St.James's Park.

5) Current toenail colour:
They look kinda toenail colour. I don't know what I'd call that.

6) Current time:
8:45AM on Boxing Day morning.

7) Current Surroundings:
Sitting at my downstairs computer in the dining room (where I was sitting in yesterday's photo).

8) Current Thoughts:
Relief that Christmas is over, tinged with grumpiness that I miss my girlfriend. We can video chat but we won't be together again until next year, which sucks.

Seven Firsts.

1) First Best Friend:
Malcolm. We grew up from babies together. I suffered one of my first big reality checks with Malcy; we had lovingly made a two man (well … two four-year-old) submarine out of scrap wood. We took it to the river, got in it and it sank very successfully but didn't seem to want to surface until we got out. We just couldn't figure it. Try as we might, the fucker would only go "down", never "up".
I think a big part of the problem with today's kids is that their parents wouldn't allow a pair of four-year-olds to play with saws and hammers and nails and to go unaccompanied down to the river in a home-made submarine. Shame on them. We had a fucking marvellous time! Hi, Malcy. I wonder where the hell you are now?

2) First Kiss:
Judith Flaxman. Yummy.

3) First Screen Name:
Screen name? What's a screen name?

4) First Pet:
Jasper. A ginger Tom out in Malta when I was a baby. He took a scorpion sting for me, pouncing on the fucker in my cradle. What a hero.

5) First Piercing:
Other than surgical stab wounds, the only thing I've had pierced is my eardrums from Ming The Menstrual's nagging.

6) First Crush:
Debbie Smith. Sigh …

7) First Cd:
Shit that makes me feel old. My first seven-inch single was Adam Faith singing "A Message To Martha" in 1962; my first LP, saved for for months with my pocket money, was The Beatles' "Revolver" in '66. My first CD was Sonny Landreth's "South of I-10" in '95. I'm a vinyl junkie; I resisted digital for years.

Six have-you-evers.

1) Have you ever dated one of your guy/girlfriends?
No, though one of my ex.girlfriends is still a very close friend.

2) Have you ever broken the law?
Sheet! Check out my past blog confessions. Let's see now … I blew a load of shit up in my bomb-making youth, including a hilarious telephone box detonation. I've driven under the influence of alcohol, marijana and blow-jobs (though not recently, I hasten to add). I once followed a police car round Norwich with a Camberwell Carrot on the go for about twenty minutes, waving it at them whenever we were stationary in traffic (that was fun). Lots more, but you'd have to trawl through the archives for 'em and I can't be arsed right now.

3) Have you ever been arrested?
Not once. Hee hee hee.

4) Have you ever skinny dipped?
Yup. Though these days you really wouldn't want to see that.

5) Have you ever been on TV?
Yup. Various little crappy things. I've blogged before about "What I did in the nuclear war" and "The crappest TV theme tune I ever recorded". Both of those are doozies.

6) Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know?
I'm a musician. It comes with the territory.

Five Things

1) Thing you are wearing:
I told you that already.

2) Things you've done today:
Housework. A shit, a shave and a shower. Listened to opera. Drunk coffee. Blogged.

3) Things you can hear right now:
Berg's opera, "Lulu" and if I turn the sound down (hang on) … absolutely nothing else. I love living in the middle of nowhere.

4) Things you can't live without:
My old Les Paul. My girlfriend (I didn't mean to type them in that order! OW!) … Shit, I'm in trouble now. Oh, and books.

5) Things you do when you are bored:
Hunt down men with comb-overs and kill them humanely.

Four places you have been today.
Duh! My bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen, my dining room.

Three people you can tell anything to:
1) Me
2) My girlfriend.
3) er … That's it.

Two choices:

1) Black or White?
Black, black, BLACK!

2) Hot or Cold?
Hot.

One thing you want to do before you die?
Finish my coffee, please.