Or "Why I Don't Use Babelfish For My Japanese Homework".
For anyone who missed it, Nathalie posted a lovely story yesterday.
The only problem for me was that she posted it in French and my French sucks. My feeble attempt at the language is more a strangled, gargling Franglais, unintelligible to anyone remotely garlicky.
So I ran her tale through Babelfish (which, as any fule kno, is the most incompetent translation software known to man) with hilarious results.
Pop over there - via the link above - and have a raucous chortle. It's in the comments box. Everybody needs a good laugh on a Tuesday.
Some of the highlights, translated from what is in fact a beautiful piece of poetic writing, are:
"To say what makes me vibrate.
I will take you along.
At the soft hour one will take the accommodation ladder, one will go up on the bridge to breathe the salt of the life.
You feel like the air of the night is made velvet?
Here it is my kingdom.
That where the hearts are untied, where the bodies open, where the large things are achieved.
A rich black and chocolate flux with spangles.
It is the paddle with the fingers of pink which will bring back for us Ground of fire, will-o'-the-wisp, cow's milk, pigs, brooded Which odors will accomodate us, frangipanier, dried fish, gas oil spices spruce?
We will go to the meeting of these funny of others.
There are all these hands which are tightened in this letter box.
The treasures hidden at the bottom of you, Distend then tighten themselves with the wire of time.
One will be able always to hoist the large fabric and to click on our hyperlinks".
Read that slowly and with emphasis and it takes on its own kind of epic poetic madness.
So anyhoo … I was lying in the bath this morning thinking about Jesus (I know; I'm a Marxist and an Atheist, but I'm just kinky that way) and the idea popped into my tiny brain to run The Beatitudes through Babelfish.
And so, moist and naked enough to put you off your breakfast, I duly typed into Babelfish the beautiful words which Jesus used to kick off the sermon on the mount and translated them into Japanese …
Then translated them back again …
Here then - in italics - is probably the reason Christianity is not the major religion in Japan:
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
The pauper where mind is praised: These of for the sake of heaven that of the kingdom are.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Being praised, you sigh que: You are consoled, for the sake of remain.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
The gentleness which is praised: Those it receives the earth for the sake of and succeeds.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
And you were thirsty in justice and you praised this which pushing desires: That earth laid way of that.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Mercy it is deep, it was praised La: Way allowance is obtained, this.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Clean the center is praised: Their ranges being attached, it meets to God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
The signatory is praised: Way it is called the child of the God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Which is persecuted because of justice of the cause that being praised: These of for the sake of heaven that of the kingdom are.
And that's the reason I do not use Babelfish for my Japanese homework.
Happy Tuesday.
18 comments:
"I was lying in the bath this morning thinking about Jesus." oh hee hee hee. Even without the distorted Beatitudes, this line makes for a wonderful post.
Hee hee. I did have a giggle at that one, Robyn.
It was TRUE, though!
Scary, huh?
I thought that the rich dark chocolate thingo was going to be the name of your band until you shared a bath with Jesus.
Στο λουτρό, είναι όλοι ελληνικά στα μάτια του Ιησού.
That's the closest I can get to Japanese, but if you repeat it over and over, (in the bath of course), it doesn't sound tooo bad.
Oh hee hee, Monsieur Benaut!
Babelfish has just translated that back as:
"In the bath, he is all Greek in the eyes his Jesus".
Splendidly obtuse!
Machine translation is so bad, but sometimes it does help you get the gist of a web page if you can't afford to hire a human translator :D Keep plugging, dive! Do you go to Japanese chat rooms? When I was learning Spanish I found that very helpful.
Are you still on holiday? If so, we could meet up for drinks this Friday, instead of Saturday. How anyone manages to get up before 10am on a frosty Saturday morning I have no idea! :D
joy
Your Love Coach
The Goddess In You
It's a bit hard to translate a Maltese, Japanese affictionado, bathing with the king of the Jews, into Greek. Crikey, you lead a complex life, Dive.
BTW, there's a world guitar festival being held in Adelaide at the moment.
Yikes! Japanese chatrooms!
The potential for creepy weirdness and illegality keeps me away from any kind of chatroom, Joy (I'm not talking about other people; I'm talking about my own creepy weirdness) and Japanese culture being what it is, their chatrooms must be so much weirder and creepy than any others.
I'm in London on Friday, I'm afraid, so I'll have to hope that Saturday morning is frost free.
I'm kind of glad the guitar festival is in Adelaide, Monsieur B. I would only spend far too much money on yet more guitars I don't need.
Very funny dive - as they say -"lost in translation"
What about "blessed are the cheesemakers"?
Thanks, Rich. I love that movie. Any film that starts with a lingering shot of Scarlett Johannson's sweet ass gets my vote.
Phil: "Better keep listening; there might be a bit about Blessed are the big-noses".
Thank you, Prudence.
I just saw your pussy shots and I'm so jealous!
Hey, everybody! Get on over to Prudence's and check 'em out. That has to be the all time cutest post ever!
Ah Shucks! It just some pussy pictures... they aren't so cute when you have to clean up puke before you can even have coffee! Talk about a gag fest!
My dear, you are not responsible for the results, but the intention of your heart was precious. :)
Auto translators are hilarious. Always a bit of fun. I quite enjoyed the image of you moist and naked actually, poring over foreign words. Luckily i'd had my breakfast by then. Jesus first thing in the morning goodness - a new Dive?
Prudence: never underestimate the power of pussy.
Isadora: You're too kind.
Lynn: if you can enjoy the image of me moist and naked then you must have had something very strange for breakfast.
And Dive is Dive, though that's the first time Jesus has visited him in the bath. Perhaps not so much a new Dive as a new and slightly creepy Jesus. Hee hee.
Yep, thats the reason you can never put the flat pack furniture together. Instructions translated from people who can't speak english.
Want to jam their system?
Simply type in the lord of the rings in elfish and ask for an ancient aramaic translation.
What is even more interesting is to read the words OUT LOUD. I mean, good lord...if you try to get those published, you may find yourself poet laureate of blogville...
And I can't believe that there is someone else in this world who bathes and thinks about Jesus too. I thought I was alone in this....
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