Dear Prudence has set a tough one today.
The challenge is: to set down the qualities we want in a "mate" … but also to make it rhyme!
Yikes!
Hokay …
Here goes nothing:
Preferably mammalian
Possibly Australian
Maybe even alien
But not Episcopalian
Smokers are a no-no
As is Yoko Ono
Must be literate and witty
Love me out of more than pity
Should be female; not a guy
Unless of course it's Stephen Fry
While I'm waiting for my mate
I'll just sit here and masturbate … er …
Kinda tailed off at the end there … sorry, Prudence.
Though of course Frank Zappa said it best in "Jewish Princess":
"She can even be poor …
As long as she does it with four on the floor."
31 comments:
Where's your love poem to "HER"? Huh? You should have composed a rhymer to honor her.
Hee hee and hee again, Sassy.
And I spent a good hour trying to find a rhyme for "requisite appendages", before giving up and adding the lame-o last lines …
Ho hum.
Your turn.
I'm baffled as to why you've ruled out Yoko? I'd love the chance to chat to her as much as you would with Mr Fry.
.. and she's japanese, isn't she?
You know I'm a big Yoko fan, Pea.
I was just trying to get a whole load of crap to rhyme in my coffee break.
That is so funny!!! I sat at my desk and laughed outloud--people were disturbed.
Hee hee. Thank you Robyn.
I did like the line "Preferably mammalian", but it all went downhill a bit after that.
Yes Yoko's wonderful.
I want a mate
Who's more than just great
He's got to be clean
And don't want him mean
He'll kiss me and cuddle
So much i'm befuddled
He'll mend and fix stuff
Round the edges he's rough
But always he's kind
With just me in mind
We must have a giggle
and a sexy old wriggle
That's pretty much my man
I'm keeping him if can!
Hee hee.
Excellent, Lynn.
He really does sound worth hanging on to.
Looks like I fit yer criteria, boss. Yes, even the alien requirement, as evidenced by my Alien Registration Card that I am required to carry upon my person at all times.
Excellent poem! I shall have a crack at this sometime.
Woohoo!
I've found an ideal mate!
And you were there in my office all the time, GG.
I'd forgotten about the old Alien Registration Card for Gaijin.
As for not being Episcopalian; that's not an essential, but you can see just how desperate I was for a rhyme …
And you're not Yoko Ono!
So just to clarify, these aren't firm rules, right?
You would consider dating an Episcopalian amphibian named Stephen Ono if the right salamander came around. Right?
I hope so, because people with impossibly high standards often let true love slither away.
very good dive - you win the rhyming mate award!! I think you've done this before. :))
Hee hee, Terroni.
I have impossibly low standards … My secretary once declared that I'd date anything that still twitches when you kick it.
And Rich: you won't get out of having a go yourself quite that easily.
DIVEY BOY! I'm coming...I'm COMING....RIGHT NOW! MISSED YOU!
That didn't sound quite right did it? ;)
Back to actually READ your post!
=))))
Hee hee …
Hi, Ame! Glad to see you.
I really think you ought to have a go at this yourself. With YOUR imagination it should be great!
OK...give me a second to collect my brainCELL!!!!
It hasn't been used for anything like this for a looooooooooong time!
;)xo
Hmm maybe not so perfect. Men are still a bit of a mystery to me. I'm a simple person; if asked a question i will answer. No skirting, nothing. Here's how our texts went at six this morning.
He: Just finished work.
Me: Oh darling you must be exhausted. So glad you're safe. Going home to sleep now?
He: (work details i can't repeat but no answer to question)
Me: Well done. Great work. So, home now or where?
He: On train darling.
Me: To home?
He: Bad reception darling.
Me: Okay no probs, you on way home or staying over?
He: I hate texting.
When we finally spoke, he complained i didn't trust him. ?? Had not been on my mind - until he actively and repeatedly skirted the Q. that is...
Dive; can you please explain man to me?
Wow!
I rather like your man, Lynn; he texts from the train rather than bellowing into his phone (you KNOW my opinions on that).
Sometimes when men are tired (and especially on trains, where everything and everybody is exasperating and you're just waiting for it to break down), they tend to find questions as to their whereabouts something akin to a suspicious interrogation.
Of course, the suspicion that he is hiding something instantly leaps to your mind and puts him on the defensive, which only makes matters worse.
As to understanding men's brains, I'm probably not the best person to ask as I tend to run and hide from mine … And remember, I've not been in a full on relationship since Tudor times, so sexual politics and jealousy and suspicion are joys I have yet to rediscover …
No, that's helpful, Dive. I think. lol. I realise that he was tired,very tired; i was full of concern and only asked for purposes really of where he'd be the following day and also imagining him flopping into his well earned bed. It was that innocent. It honestly didn't enter my head that he was hiding something until... well, until he started hiding something! lol. You'd think that man would realise this wouldn't be the best way forward and say the one word in answer: home/hotel. lol!! So now we find ourselves in the unhappy position that he's annoyed and i'm, well, bemused/dumbfounded/frustrated. Maybe he enjoys the smoke & mirrors. That a possibility, do you think? lol how can you say, you don't know him, but do many men really go in for all that? Wonder what the girls would say to all this? They prob. won't come back to this now though...
I have no ides how he's feeling, Lynn, but if he were me, I would be feeling tired, frustrated and upset that you are upset. And I would be wondering what on earth I had done to bring on what I imagine to be your suspicions and trying to think of ways to reassure you and make it all better again.
Of course, a nice weekend with him would sort all that out …
Good luck.
Thanks Dive! What a mysterious and wasteful cycle of misunderstanding it's all become! Great to have a male point of view though, appreciate it.
"A mysterious and wasteful cycle of misunderstanding"
Wow!, Lynn, you have perfectly defined the way a man's brain works!
I think there should be a Nobel Prize coming your way for that.
It really is the perfect description of what goes on inside our heads …
LOL ahahah that's amused me beyond measure, Dive. I thank you, my readers - what an honour a Nobel is - (sniff)all those at Dive's blog and my mother for giving birth to me.
So ... i'm not wrong then. lol very, very funny Dive. Men. I do love them so. Particularly you Dive (in a blog way of course, girlfriend) you make me laff and laff.
Hee hee hee.
Thank you, Lynn.
Lynn, I'll jump in just to agree with Dive that maybe he was just tired and didn't want t expend energy in explaining himself.
We tend to fill in the blanks with our imaginations and get it all wrong. You might want to just take a deep breath and give him some elbow room for a day or two--the weekend sounds very nice.
Okay Robyn thanks will keep low for a while. Presumably, too, never ask again if he's going home. Hot potato, that one. (? still ?)
Maybe not on the train, Lynn.
If I was stuck on the train and someone asked me if I was going home, I'd be tempted to snap "Where the hell else do you think I'm going? This stupid thing only goes in a straight line …"
But then I hate commuting.
And especially commuting by train …
Blah!
lol well the point being that sometimes he stays in a hotel elsewhere. It wasn't a given that being on the train meant home. Ah well. We seem okay now anyway, less said the better i think about it, between us. lol. Put it down to that mysterious and wasteful cycle of misunderstanding i suppose and just be glad i have the Nobel.
Hee hee
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