It's pretty much accepted now that women are smarter than us blokes, what with the ability to multitask and to turn their handbags into the Tardis, and that nifty way they ask for directions when they're lost instead of pretending they know where they are, yet they still ask the stupidest damned questions …
My girlfriend asked me this morning, "When you get a stiffy in a public place, how do you make it go down, and how long does it take?"
Which, come to think of it is actually a pretty good question as I tend to think about her on my packed commuter train and the weather's too warm now to cover my … ahem … with my big coat.
My own personal favourite stiffy-softener is to think of "the saucepan".
Way back around the time of the Boer War, I was at my then girlfriend's house and reached up to get a suacepan that was stuck up on top of the kitchen cabinets. Only to find it was half-full of week-old baked beans, covered with a thick, vigorous growth of green mould (I never let her cook for me again). Tilting the saucepan to see the mould slowly burst and the stinky orange mess ooze out has given me a pretty good way to cool my ardour ever since.
I'm kinda glad I have this method to hand, otherwise I might be tempted to more drastic action, such as that featured in this morning's headline "Man Cuts Off Penis In Restaurant."
Yikes!
So, guys; what method do you use?
And girls? How do you hide that flush and those dilated pupils?
19 comments:
While doing the deed and to quell things down there,
to my self I will recite the Lord's prayer.
While I know some may not see this as kosher,
it settle's my mind in the sex roller coster.
So one day when I recited my vesper,
it accedently came out as a whisper.
And you may have thought this may have caused interference,
but my partner thought I was having a spiritual experience.
And may be you'd think that the pace would have slowed,
but she got excited and I blew my load.
So let this be a lesson to all you out there,
to never underestimate the power of prayer.
I have to admit I have wondered that exact same thing. Now I know.
Oh, and dilated pupils come from so many sources--dim lighting, for example. Yeah, that's it. The lights are dim.
The flushed look and dialated pupils look works differently for girls.
Personally guys seem to love the JBF look.
And being a typical female at times I love producing the stiffy effect in a male especially when in places like borders books. You guys look so cute when your squirming around trying to cover it up.
Now you know why I hang around in Borders on a Saturday morning.
And Kate, you weemen always moan about blokes staring at your boobs; yet we have to put up with the "crotch stare" from you very unladylike ladies! And do we moan?
hee hee
Am in a real witchy mood and am so tempted to post a cleavage shot now. :)
Actually am kinda used to the guys staring at the chest thing, super dad has held all of his conversations with the ladies lately.
Go for it, Kate!
Did I miss something? Not so long ago we had 'girls don't look at me', now we have 'my girlfriend asked me this morning'. At which post did we move from one state of affairs to the other? Jeez, you turn your back for a minute, and that's when all the best stuff happens.
oooh god that's awful. Quite horrific. I mean the news piece, not your er stiffy. Must be a bit of a problem, that.
We don't hide our symptoms, speaking personally, it's all part of the witchery we employ. lol.
I don't flush....I wait for one of the boys to come in, add to the yellow colored water in the bowl, and flush themSELVES!
But WHO THE F am I KIDDING??????
Boys + Flush = NOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!
How many donuts can you serve up on that stiffy of yours DB! Hmmmmmmm?
OH COME ON PEOPLE...I can ASK that...we actually rubbed TUMMIES in REAL life!
LOL!
;)
XO
If weemen are smarter than men then how do they fall for our shit time after time? its a bit of both.
I'm so happy to get boners I draw everyone's attention to it, I'm banned from riding on diesel buses, the vibration you know.
I have just what you need Mr Dive, click right
HERE
Yikes! Old K; that's your second meme in as many days! You're almost as bad as me!
And AMEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Welcome back, my little ray of California sunshine!
I hope your threat to stop blogging won't be permanent. That would be too awful. Bu it's great to see you here. XXX
Lynn and Pea, you witchy weemen. Please don't begrudge me my huge smile after all these ears.
That's a very good point you make, Old K. I've fallen foul of it many times.
That's the best thing about being surrounded by men who wear cheap, thin scrubs--you can always tell when you're appreciated.
Hey! You won't get this til morning, i'm up far too late but ... wait til you see Old K today! Gosh.
Hee hee, Terroni. Now I see the attraction of all these medical dramas on TV.
And Lynn; that is truly the most disgusting and sickest thing I have seen on the internet.
I've had to wash my computer.
Those memes were mean and bitter I'm so glad you were unable to catch that.
I've entered yer Spice rack post for a blog award,if there is any justice in the world you'll win it.
Hee hee!
Probably "Gayest Post of the Year."
I'll practice my Gwynneth Paltrow blubbing speech.
Ok...leave it to me to not even care about the stiffy problem, but thinking about baked beans molding and exploding did nothing to help me get over my virus.
And, the man who cut off his penis in a restaurant? Well, there are other ways to pay the bill. Dishwashing, for example...IOUs. It brings new meaning to the phrase, "Do you want your pound of flesh?"
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