Monday Melee

It's Monday morning.
I have coffee.
I have croissant.
I have my grumpy trousers on.
Must be time for Fracas Monday Melee .

1: The Misanthropic.
(Name something - about humanity - you absolutely hate).
This week I have been mostly hating mankind's apparent need to walk up to the barriers at rush hour on the tube and only then to reach into their handbag and rummage for their fucking ticket while several hundred angry commuters pile up behind them and glower and swear, our tickets ready in our hands.
This is related to the need of fuckwits with trolleys (you know, those crappy little wheely things little old ladies use to shop for cat food and hairnets) to get off the crowded commuter train and stand just in front of the door, fiddling with the fucking handle while we all wait on the train. Walk an extra step, you moron.
Bastards!

2: The Meretricious:
(Expose someone or something that's phony, fraudulent or bogus).
That little bit on your broadband agreement that says "service may vary according to your location and the distance from your exchange" which means that you pay through the nose for fast broadband and get a worse than dial-up speed, when it connects at all.
Bastards!

3: The Malcontent:
(Name something you're unhappy with).
Related to number one; exemplified by the woman in front of me in the queue at W.M.Shits this morning while I tried to hand over my groats for a Guardian.
Lady, you have paid for your goods.
You have received your change.
Do NOT open your bag and get out your purse, open your purse and put the change in it - IN SEPARATE FUCKING COMPARTMENTS FOR EACH DENOMINATION - then stand there for a fucking age while you put your purse back in your bag, put your goods in your bag, get your fucking keys and mobile out of your bag, then stand for a few moments to brush your fucking hair.
MOVE TO ONE SIDE AND LET OTHERS GET SERVED!
Bastards!

4: The Meritorious.
(Give someone credit for something and name it if you can).
Sassy: For having moved house without having to kill anybody.

5: The Mirror.
(See something good about yourself and name it).
Apparently, my chest makes a nice pillow (don't all rush at once; it's reserved).

6: The Make-Believe:
(Name something you wish for).
A morning - just one would do - when I could get off the train without being held up by some trolley-wielding bastard; get in and out of the tube without some bastard standing at the gate fumbling for their ticket; and a queue at W.M.Shits which consists of people who - as soon as they have been served - considerately move out of the way to allow the next person in.
Though that's about as likely as monkeys crawling out of my arse and flying around the room.
Bastards!