I'll take a few seconds here for Robyn to punch me hard and yell at me to "Cut it out! Enough already of your stupid English mockery of our accent!" as she knows full well what's coming …
The word is "risotto" and it is pronounced "risotto".
It is NOT pronounced "riz-oh-doh". I mean where the fuck in that collection of letters do you find a "d"? Sheesh! Anyone using that mispronunciation deserves to get a good slapping from a big ol' Italian mama.
Take a look … You'll find there are two (count 'em) "T"s in there.
The "s" is soft, but not as soft as a "z" and as for the rest, just try saying "Otto" in an thick Italian accent, taking your time over that big old double "T" and you've got some idea of how stupid Americans sound ordering European food in Europe.
Riz-oh-doh my fat hairy arse!
Also "basil" is pronounced "basil". NOT "bay-zil".
Just go watch an episode of Fawlty Towers if you need help with that.
Hokay. Now we've cleared that up, let's get pinnied up and head for the kitchen.
Here's some stuff that might come in handy when making risotto:GOOD white wine (some people use a fino sherry or other stuff like that but I love inhaling that glorious chardonnay steam).
DAMNED GOOD olive oil. For this I use my favourite single quinta (estate) Portuguese azeite (cold pressed by foot in big old wooden lagares). This stuff's good enough to drink. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …
Organic Parmesan.
Organic Arborio or Carnorolo rice.
Organic onion and garlic (for crap about which please see the first "What's Cooking With Dive" post).
Basil (that's BASIL) and coriander leaf (the American for which is apparently "cilantro" according to the Transatlantic Dictionary that Robyn and I have been compiling these past two years) from my patio.
So far, so hoopy.
Now everyone makes their own versions of risotto, even those colonial people who can't say it properly. This is one of mine, but feel free to make it however you like.
I make lots of different sorts, my all-time favourite being a mutant autumn risotto with local wild mushrooms and tree fungi, chestnuts and flageolet beans. Woohoo! I'll probably post that when the season comes around.
I also love making artichoke risotto, pumpkin or squash, pea and peapod, beetroot (the pinkest, gayest-looking risotto of them all) and many, many others.
Basically, I can't go a week without risotto. I'm an addict.
Today is seafood risotto as I've been down to the place on the coast where I get my sashimi-quality tuna and picked up a few bags of assorted crustacea, bivalves and things with tentacles for this risotto and a bunch of heads, shells and body parts for my next stock-fest.
Before we start I'm going to go off on one about stock.
I know I had a sweary-Mary about this subject last week but since then I checked out a cookery blog that had been featured on Blogger Dashboard and to my utter horror the woman making risotto (at least she pronounced it right) on the video clip said "I can never be bothered making stock; I use this …" and held up one of those cartons of "bouillon powder" (ingredients: salt, salt, salt, acidity regulator, acid, salt, preservative, e-numbers, flavourings and salt).
I am just glad that none of you were in earshot. Words were shrieked that will never appear on this polite and profanity-free blog.
Let's just get this straight before we go any further:
THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR A GOOD HOME-MADE STOCK.
Have that tattooed somewhere you can see it.
Your fishmonger or butcher will give (or if he's mean, sell cheaply) you all the crap you need to make pints of stock for freezing, and making stock is a pleasure far greater than sitting in front of a fucking television going "duuuuur".
So … Let's heat the oil in the pan (or in today's case an old, heavy-bottomed non-stick wok which I find is unbeatable for risotto) and toss in the onion and garlic.Stir it around and turn down the heat and just let those suckers soften and inhale that glorious aroma.
One of the most comforting things in life is filling your lungs with that marvellous, mellifluous mélange of oil, garlic and onion.
Next, whack the flame back up and toss in the rice (one cup or so per person, depending on how greedy you're feeling) and make sure each and every yummy grain is coated with fragrant oil.
Once it's all coated and hot, rip up some basil (OW! Robyn, stop hitting me and learn to pronounce it correctly) and gently trickle in a good glassful of that boffo chardonnay (don't skimp; use the pricey stuff, not the plonk. It DOES make a difference).Stir it all in together, turn down the flame and just float blissfully up to the ceiling on those fumes.
WOW!
If anyone thinks cooking is less of a pleasure than eating, you need to get in here and breathe deeply.
Now we come to that pan of yummy fish stock you've got simmering away on the back burner. This one I made using various fish heads and "bits", the parts of prawns the English usually waste and the remains of a couple of fabulous fresh Cromer crabs I'd devoured. I also threw in a load of mussels and baby clams when I was making the stock, which I munched there and then. Whenever you make a fish dish, don't throw anything away; bag it up in the freezer for your next stock-making Sunday afternoon.
Anyhoo, this is the bit where I get to use my ladle as a verb.Lovingly ladle that stock into the pan. Just one ladle to start with and stir it gently, watching the rice eagerly devour that fishy goodness. It doesn't take long to absorb the first ladle and for things start to get gloopy.
Now all you have to do is chill out and ladle and stir …
Wait for each ladle of lovely stock to be fully absorbed into those fattening rice grains and for the whole mess to achieve gloop heaven before adding the next ladle …
Of course, this is the part that makes most people whine "I don't have the time to make risotto."
MAKE the time!
For fuck's sake, I work full time, commute seven hours a day and have a life and I can still manage to find the time to cook properly; so can you!
Depending on how many you're cooking for it only takes between twenty and forty-five minutes to absorb all that stock (I usually use a little over a pint for this amount) and believe me when I say that it is pure quality time.
Time to reflect and to think.
Time to relax and to bask in that glorious aroma.
Time to get some seriously sensuous stirring going.
Have patience … What is happening in that pan is something magical.
When it is just about ready, throw in your seafood … in this case a mixture of prawns, mussels and squid but use whatever you fancy. Stir it in for a minute or two and then …
You'll know when it's perfect.
It mustn't be wet and sloppy.
It mustn't be drying out or sticky.
It must be soft, smooth, gloopy and wonderful.
As soon as that moment comes around you've got to strike!
Turn off the heat, grate in a generous whack of delicious organic parmesan and give everything one last good stir, then quickly cover the pan.
This is easy if you're cooking it in a saucepan, but with the wok all I have to do is slap a piece of baking foil over there and crimp it down.
Now grab a tea-towel and get those warmed plates out of the oven. You've got around two minutes to get 'em ready, to pour yourself a nice glass of that chardonnay, to pick some more basil and coriander leaf and to see if there are any prawns left in that bowl that you've been dipping into while you've been cooking.
Those two magical minutes are when your risotto gets seriously creamy and has sex with the parmesan.
Now just plonk the whole damned mess on a plate and there you have it:"Old Dive's assorted crustacea, bivalve and things with tentacles risotto".
Now eat the sucker.
Risotto. One of the greatest pleasures on earth both to make and to eat.
Go to it and enjoy.
29 comments:
Looks fabulous - one of my favs but there is only one plate - what the hell are you going to eat????
Photo of the Benaut's should be on my post at midnight. Your time?? God knows - in 6 hrs or so I guess!!!!
That'll be midday, Jules.
I'll look out for it.
I hate cooking risotto for one, so come on over and help me eat it.
Now that does look yummy....
It was.
No worries - I'll bring a bottle or three.
Dive, methinks you've taken Rich's chastisement over your recent loss of rantiness a tad too seriously! lol. However, on the subject of American mispronunciation, how could I not wholehertedly agree?! Fair points well made. you just missed out one of my pet hates - herb (has a *@*!ing 'h' in it!)
Seriously, thank you so much for this risotto masterclass. Your risottos are gorgeous, and I've never known how to make one properly, so time to have a go I guess....
Sounds good to me, Jules.
Hee hee, Pea.
The reason I didn't use the lovely Eddie Izzard line is that "herb" is properly pronounced "'erb"; it is one of those words that got corrupted in the early days of radio when it was considered by the idiot middle classes that leaving the "aitch" orf words made them sound common and so herb, hospital, hotel and a plethora of other French words that should have a silent "aitch" are currently mispronounced even on the BBC.
Much as I LOVE deriding the appalling desecration of English commited by our Colonial Cousins, I regret to say that they are right on this one.
Oh, and also "gotten."
My my my - American pronunciation bashing. Shall I keep quiet, Dive? :-)
No one can make me say 'herb' unless I'm calling the next door neighbour by his name. I still say it's 'erb' :D And what's with the 'haitch' I hear people say even on TV??? It makes me cringe!
Let's face it - when foreign words get incorporated into another language, it's inevitable that the pronunciation will change. Why, people say 'halapinyo' when for crying out loud it's 'halapenyo'.
Obviously if people spoke in Italian, then it's only to be expected that they pronounce it as RISOTTO. But if they're using it in American English, then it's ok to roll the two T's :p
I love risotto - my faves are 4-cheese and tomeydoh and mascarpone!
Sorry I haven't been around lately. I've got that thing again - so need to minimize PC usage.
I'm actually going to try this one, Dive. (In about 5 weeks, when I finally get home.)
I tried to make risotto twice, and the results were horrid both times. It had the consistency of glue. Clearly, I cooked it far too long.
Hee hee, Joy. Yes, the ignorant British middle classes have a lot to answer for in the word-mangling stakes, though they are rank amateurs when compared to Noah Webster's errant children..
Hokay, so maybe I say tomato and you say tomayto but it is NEVER okay to make risotto's two "T"s into a d and to wilfully mispronounce the s and the middle "o", not even with the excuse that "were Americans, so we're both arrogant AND ignorant (how's THAT for value?)". It just sounds so laughably ridiculous.
Bummer about the thing. I do hope you feel better soon.
Risotto might help, but only if you pronounce it right (OW!)
Hee hee.
Shazza, it always is.
T: Yup. Keep an eye on it. You'll know when it's ready. Some people just put way too much stock in and leave it to boil down. That's when it gets nasty.
Good luck!
Are we starting a Brit v American fest??? You know where my heart lies ;-) I daresay the Americans made English more relevant and contemporary!
Do you know I used to love the British (middle class) accent before moving here. But then I found out that not many people speak that way anyway. I'm surrounded by people who speak quite atrocious English. It's quite disheartening.
AND the blonde? She says non-words like 'prioritirise.'! WTH? Everytime she talks to me, I just want to say, "Stop! You're murdering the English language." But I don't coz it's more fun that way. :p
Re the thing: you'll be glad to know I won't be turning on my TV for a week! I missed my Star Trek - where Data and Lor were going to rule over the universe! Boo hoo hoo. Sadly I can't avoid my PC coz I'm back at work today.
I might actually make this today, since I have nothing I have to do all day long! It does look quite yummy, save for the little beady-eyed creatures in the last photo.
Since I just woke up, I can't deal with a pronunciation fight without coffee first. I'll try to stop back later and give you a piece of my mind!
Joy, the English v. American "English" debate was last year and it involved a lot of swearing and abuse, so I'll not start all that again.
The English middle class accent is revolting, the blonde needs a good kick up the arse and I am so proud of you for going a week without the idiot box.
Do feel better soon.
Nothing to do all day long, Katie?
Wow!
I'd go sightseeing in San Francisco but then you can do that every day so it's probably a bit old for you.
There'll be no language fighting here. I am always right!
… OW!
mmmmmmmmmm, I love risotto with two Ts, although I don't mind it with a duller D either. (slug)
My favorite is butternut squash, but shrimp and asparagus is a close second. And Dive, you're so right about using good wine, the kind you can drink while you're standing there stirring and reflecting on life. Yummy.
Oh, and one for our transatlantic dictionary: hoopy here means a hillbilly.
OH, and Peahen, in my school days, I had a friend named Herb with an H, but it was always fun to call him Erb.
Hee hee, Robyn. You KNEW what was coming after all our to-ing and fro-ing on the Transatlantic Dictionary.
Hoopy over here is "cool and froody", from The Hitch-hikers' Guide To The Galaxy books.
And yes, the wine. Grab it out of the wine rack, pop it open and pour just enough in the risotto while it's at room temperature, then stick it in the fridge while you cook and it is perfect for drinking when you come to serve up.
Yay!
And 'oorah for 'erb!
That looks good except for the seafood. I am not a FISH person. And I agree with you about stock. Until I began living with Bing, I used canned stock. She cured me of that fast. She LOVES making soup in the winter and she began to store bags and bags of homemade stock in our freezer. This irritated the hell out of me because it took up so much ROOM. But, eventually, I came around after I ate her saffron rice soaked in homemade vegetable stock.
And Nirand, my Indian friend, almost killed me with a look when he asked for stock and I told him that I wasn't sure if I had any homemade stock left. He actually threw down the spoon and said that if I had no homemade stock, well...then..the meal would be inedible. Luckily, we had two bags left...
Just as well you're not a fish person living in Nebraska, Maria!
Hoorah for Bing and Nirand and their excellent taste! With squash season fast approaching you can make yummy risottos all fall.
Oh, I must have missed that post. But you're right. No need to turn this into a contact sport - soon as you admit that American is more refreshing than British! :D And what do you think of Australian English?
How do you pronounce "Ricotta"?
My parents used to say "RiGORta."
Looks Delicious! I've always been afraid to make risotto. I will have to try this. I too have been cooking all day! We harvested our entire tomato garden today and I concocted some amazing "international" style cuisine. (Anything I could think of to use my tomatoes). I cannot bear to let them rot. (I will post a photo soon). I made homemade Italian tomato sauce with my own turkey stock, (I agree with you totally on the powdered shit) my own fresh tomatoes, basil, onions and garlic! I made Tabouli salad and a wicked Gazpacho. There is enough to feed on for the entire week.
Joy I totally want to hang out with you (especially since you're trying to bait Dive into another good fight)! You obviously celebrate the wonderful differences in pronunciation amongst speakers of English which is profoundly refreshing. I hate bad grammar as much as any language snob though. I recently bought an old book (published in 1951) called "British and American English Since 1900" and it's a fascinating read. It mentions "the more or less general American tendency to enunciate "t" between vowels less clearly than most englishmen do" and it seems that 50+ years later that's still the case, much to the consternation of our dear Dive. It also mentions dealing with pronunciation varieties "with tolerance and even with pleasure, or at worst with good-humored amusement." I guess that would make for a less ranty blog though. By the way, most people (including me actually) pronounce my name kaydee and not kaytea. I have, however, signed letters, postcards and e-mail with KT for years; go figure.
Joy: American "English" is an abomination. At least the Aussies can spell!
Hee hee.
Katherine: I pronounce it "ricotta". It has a "cot" in the middle.
I do like your parents' pronunciation, though, it gave me a big grin first thing this morning.
Neety. It's tomato avalanche season here, too. Now our freezers, jars and bellies are full, folk in the neighbourhood have taken to leaving gifts of bags of tomatoes on one another's doorsteps at night, just to get rid of them.
Kaydee: I don't mind regional American accents (although willful mispronunciation grates a bit); what gets my goat - as a trawl of my pedantic "language" posts will make clear - is the way that Noah Webster's simplified spellings (admirable for non-English speaking, 19th century immigrants to start to learn with, but not appropriate for adults or even for literate children) are being exported around the world. The arrogance and ignorance of companies like Microsoft, who class Webster's kiddie-speak as "English" and English itself as "International English" only serves to make even America's allies hate it.
Hey - as we say - ho.
Oh dear I will have to keep off here from now on, as Dive knows how bad I am at English, and you are all so clever............good job you canot hear me speaking Joy....!!!!!
You're the one who told me not to swear when I was little, then yelled "Shit!" every time something went wrong.
No wonder I turned out like I did.
Hee hee.
Yeah I missed the cooky writing bit, sorry, short on time, but that looks sooooo scrummy. Can I come?
You're more than welcome, Lynn.
Jules has brought enough wine for everyone.
Hi Katie! (And yes, I do say Kaydee) Would love to hang out with you, too! Just say when. I was in California same time last year. Shame we didn't meet up back then :p
Dive: I think Australian English is an entirely different language!
Alifan: I'm sure you speak just as eloquently as Dive. :D From whom else would he take after?
Joy: Mum does indeed speak and write eloquently. She taught me to read before I started school so this is all her fault.
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