I'll face the K___i situation later in the year. With luck I'll get away with a good hard slap and a tearful tirade (and possibly a kick in the nuts and a sweary rant from little sis), but for now I'll stick it in the "Pending" tray and move on.
Only Lynn is likely to enjoy this post as we are both regular players of the game of Mornington Crescent.
For the rest of you, there has been (since around the time of the Boer War) a radio show called "I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue" in which the Blessèd Humphrey Littleton gives a bunch of comedians some very silly things to do, one of which is the improv game of "Uxbridge English Dictionary".
In this game, contestants are required to come up with new definitions for English words that sound like they should really mean something else, such as:
Carpentry - a way in for ornamental fish.
I listen to this show on the train and write down any examples that make me giggle.
Here are a few, as a bit of light relief after the trauma of the past few days:
Extort: - having left school;
Bordello: - a blasé greeting
Dilate: - to live long
Hundred: - a fear of Germans
Accomplish: - a drunken sidekick
Colonnade: - a fizzy enema
Aromatic: - a handy gadget used by Robin Hood
Descant: - a white collar insect
Counterpane: - someone who works in the post office
Crèche: - a car accident in Kensington
Damnation: - The USA
Boutique: - to heckle wood
Mobster: - an aggressive crustacean
Diarrhoea: - an ugly bum
Frogspawn: - blue movies for the French
Gripes: - what Australians make wine from
Dictator: - an amusingly shaped root vegetable
Fondue: - an affectionate sheep
Extemporary: - permanent;
and some particular favourites:
Shellfish: - a bit like a shelf
Buttercup: - face down
Gurgle: - to steal a ventriloquist's dummy
Though the very best one of all came from Stephen Fry and caused me to almost crap myself laughing, much to the alarmed consternation of my fellow passengers:
Countryside: - to kill Piers Morgan.
Right, Get your thinking caps on and let's have some more.
Ooh! Oooh! A quick addendum:
This was Engrish.com's photo of the day, today.
Talk about brilliant entertainment!
Hand me a club and let's get started.
Hand me a club and let's get started.
18 comments:
very funny, sugar! i'm sitting here laughing and ghost is staring at me! (just back from the damndarkmorning walk) xoxxo
I feel all guilty now as I'm working from home today and didn't have to do the damndarkmorning thing.
I lay in bed until almost six like a slobby pig.
Hee hee.
Oh, Dive! Very funny. I read one and thought it might be my favorite, but then I would read the next one and think, "no, that one's my favorite." And the photo is great.
The photo made me giggle. If this takes off it could save the baby seals. Clubbing "celebrities" would be so much more fun.
lol.... bordello, creche and shellfish are my favourites. he he ! I would have been helpless on the train too. Sometimes you make me WANT to take the train.
I do enjoy this post hugely and am dismayed (THIS serving employee) that i can't think of any - but i shall return. lol..!... creche... snigger. What do you mean anyway? :)
Dismayed. Hee hee hee, Lynn!
Believe me, you DO NOT want to take that train.
Thanks for the laugh hun. I enjoyed that. xoxox
Just a few ripped from your comments, today, old son.
Shellfish; -whether she likes it or not.
Morning; Poor Ing must be dead.
Photo, An enemy's digit.
Seals; All is seen by them.
Clubbing; Ing is not yet dead, he's out on the town.
Helpless; Les needs assistance.
Hugely; Hugh is hungry for jelly.
Snigger; Forgot his christian name.
Dismayed; That servant.
Serving; Ving has been knighted.
And here's one from Norfolk.
Dildo; money for morons.
One could re-write the English language.
Piece of cake, really.
Any time, Kate.
XOX
Hee hee hee, Monsieur Benaut! You are excellent at this game!
I love "dildo" especially.
I found a few more hiding in my notebook:
Frigate: - A ship nobody cares about;
Increment: - The opposite of excrement;
and Rancour: - Somebody unpopular with the Japanese.
Or, Rangoon;
Sellers, Milligan and Secombe running round in ever decreasing circles.
Telephone; But it won't keep it a secret.
Isabelle; really necessary on a bicycle?
Gloucestershire; gfound it again.
Hee hee hee. Lynn's going to LOVE that last one.
LooooLLL! I did love it M. Benaut. Mind's gone blank today i can't think of any more.
It's all of that gazing at men's naked legs you've been doing recently, Lynn. Hee hee.
LMAO! I'm printing this one off tho show Simon.
Cheers, Kate. I'm glad you liked it.
I so need this laugh what with the crap phone lines and the freakin' ash falling on my head!!!!
Creche is my favourite!!!!
Damn that volcano!
I liked fondue the best. Why have I never ever heard of this show and why do we never have this good stuff in the states?
Wait...don't answer that.
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