I had a long, hot and ickily-stickily humid meeting with a lot of sweaty people this morning, so to cool off I took an early lunch and hied my merry way to my favourite coffee shop to sit under the air conditioner for a bit.
All was well; sitting re-reading the arse end of Ulysses left over from Bloomsday, sipping espresso and chilled water and looking achingly at a table of pretty girls who it appears had come out today with naught but a handkerchief to share between them as clothes.
Then two guys in their twenties in sweaty cheap suits plonked themselves down between me and the girls and started yapping loudly in that annoying way that cuts through your thoughts like a dog barking.
"So what are your goals?" yelled one, slapping on to the table a school exercise book and a biro (classy).
"Well, I'm aiming to be banking 250K a year in two years time and living in one of those big Victorian houses down by the river."
"What's your business plan?"
"I'm thinking of selling medical equipment; you know: scanners and stuff. How about you?"
"Well I'm going to own my own business, probably in marketing and my goal is to collect high-end sports cars."
Honestly: this was as close to verbatim as I can recall but it was definitely the gist of what they were saying.
I soon discovered that gaping like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel and occasionally snorting with derision wasn't going to shut them up so I reluctantly put down my book and leaned across.
"I can put you in touch with a couple of companies supplying specialist medical equipment if you'd like."
They looked at me like a pair of rabbits trapped in headlights. They were scared shitless. The "scanners and stuff" guy actually gibbered, which is something you don't see every day.
I bit back a smirk and carried on. It only took a minute to discover that they were "management graduates" who knew shit about nothing - let alone medical equipment, were "currently unemployed" (and in my view unemployable) and were very likely to be serving me coffee in a few months time should they be smart enough to shut their mouths during a job interview.
Just what is it in today's educational system that gives imbeciles like that the kind of unachievable expectations they were drooling over? I am totally at a loss to understand it.
I asked the sports car collector what he drove and he "doesn't have a car yet." I wonder how he'll find the money for his fleet of Ferraris and Porsches on £65 a week Jobseekers' Allowance.
The scary thing is that I know a lot of people like these two who have actually found jobs in management and are - the thought is too horrible for words - in charge of real working people's lives.
These people are truly worthless parasites. Who's with me on starting a campaign to have every person in "management training" taken outside and summarily de-bagged, pointed to and laughed at for their own good?
Just a thought …
Anyhoo … Back to REAL work. Some of us have bills to pay and realistic expectations (well, mostly realistic … I still sometimes fantasise about getting a girlfriend, but at least I don't yell across coffee shops that "my goal" is to be sleeping with Buffy the Vampire Slayer within eighteen months … Sheesh).
Get real guys.
- Written on my Macbook Pro in the coffee shop just now while my two companions were jealously asking how much one of those costs.
10 comments:
More than you'll ever afford, should have been your answer.
I sometimes think we've raised an entire generation of people who feel entitled and who want the rewards without the work. But then I meet exceptions.
My answer is to stop humans breeding, Robyn. Sterilise the lot of us. One final asshole generation and then the planet can get back to normal. Yay!
Not a chance, Speedway. They were so into themselves they didn't even notice the girls. Had they been using that crap as a chat up line it would have been hilarious; as it was, they were simply tragic.
I think it's fine to dream and to set goals, even unrealistic ones, as long as you also create a plan for achieving them. (That part after the second comma's what they teach second semester.)
I confess my whole life's been made up of unrealistic goals, Petrea. I've never bothered with making any plans to realise them, however. It's more fun that way. Plus I get to add to my unmatched collection of regrets (one of the finest collections on the planet according to connoisseurs of regret).
I'm right with you there, Neetzy.
I'm with Neetzy, too. They need a good, long internship which starts with the lowest rung job and moves upward, so they are exposed to all levels of work and workers.
I think management students go into management specifically to avoid any kind of work, Ms.M.
Poor lads for not noticing the girls and boo to them for blocking your view. Only the young can dream this big.
Boo indeed, Mme! It was such a nice view, too.
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