What's Cooking With Dive? - Kedgeree

Hoorah for kedgeree, the true breakfast of champions!

Or at least hoorah for the breakfast of the luxuriantly-moustachioed colonial exploiters who ruled the Raj for centuries with a splendid mélange of silly hats and sickening violence.

This is what their Indian servants and cooks would have served up to them at breakfast time, as the sun rose over the Empire after a night of debauchery and curry.

Basically it is the most awesome way ever devised to use up leftover Basmati rice, though for today's post I shall be cooking it from scratch.

So, to commence: for authenticity's sake, we shall first head for the nineteenth century Kashmiri inkstand that serves as my spice rack.

And from it we shall purloin, to whit:
About yay much (look at the picture to gauge amounts) coriander seed,
Ditto cumin seeds,
a bunch of green cardamom pods,
and a teensy-weensy bit of star anise.

It's been a while since I've had a ranty cooking aside (check the early cookery posts for some real doozy swearfests if that's your thang) so it's about time I went off on one about spices and alleged curry mixes.

For this curry I am using the few spices in the photo above, plus I'll add a little turmeric and black pepper once the liquid goes in.
All I'll do is dry-fry them until the air turns toasty and delicious, then pound the crap out of them in a pestle and mortar, sieve them and add a few drops of water …
and THAT'S IT.

Not exactly rocket science. It takes less time than it does to pick your nose and have a really good scratch. It is really, REALLY therapeutic, plus the aroma is to die for.

And yet - for reasons beyond my ken - some people still insist on opening a jar of curry paste.
Do bear with me here; I am straining every sinew not to get sweary.

Just do this mental exercise with me.
Please.

In the palm of your left hand picture the few spices in the photo.
Making them into a curry paste takes not much more than a minute and is pure pleasure from start to finish.

In the palm of your right hand, try to picture this: (I photographed the ingredients list from a well-known brand of posh curry paste. This was one of the better ones, with no smegging MSG in it, yet it still gives me the creeping horrors):

Water - fair enough; I add a few drops to my spices to make a paste;
Vegetable Oil - hang on a minute … The second largest ingredient is oil? Eww!
Gram Flour - Er … why? It's for making chapatis, NOT curry paste;
Concentrated tomato purée - Somebody please tell me there are some spices in this!
Salt - For fuck's sake! We've not had any curry spices yet.
Sugar - Okay; I give up.
Ginger - at last! A real ingredient!
Maize Flour- Aww crap.
Coriander (3%) - THREE FUCKING PERCENT!
Turmeric,
Cumin, - At last - right down the bottom: some tiny traces of spice.
Acetic acid - and … er … acid.
Chili,
Spices (contains mustard) - Whoop-de-fucking-doo!
Lemon Juice,
Garlic,
Black Pepper,
Cracked Coriander Seeds,
Dried Coriander Leaf,
Onion powder,
Dessicated Coconut,
Garlic Powder, Tamarind,
Lactic Acid … Mmmm … Lactic acid. How could I have forgotten that.

All that. In your hand. Now which one would you rather put in your curry?
Tell me, honestly.

Sheesh!
Making proper curries in the kitchen is child's play. Here's a link to another one if you want to try it. It's great!

Don't EVER let me find you using a jar of fucking curry paste. I've got a curry-covered spatula here and I'll not hesitate to use it!

Anyhoo … Let's get back in the kitchen and make a real kedgeree. Not one full of oil, flour and salt with three (count 'em … three) percent coriander. Sheesh!

Kedgeree's a fish curry and the best fish for it is undyed smoked haddock.
Here's a nice piece.
Stick a few bayleaves on it and then cover it in boiling water and leave it to steep for five minutes.

When it's done, save the water (it's a pretty basic fish stock) and simply flake the flesh off the skin with a fork, taking out any pinbones as you do - though there should be none if it's been filleted properly and mine was (thanks, David).

Surprise, surprise, it's Old Dive's chopping board with an organic onion and some yummy French purple garlic on it.
Now where have we seen that before? Yeah, yeah … just about every darned cookery post. Hey ho. Onion and garlic are good for you and they taste delicious, so there! Plus they are essential ingredients here.

Melt a nice knob of unsalted Irish butter in pan together with your onion and garlic. Turn the heat right down and let them go soft.

Add about blah much organic Basmati rice (if you need to measure rice you shouldn't be reading this … just put in as much as you need).
Add the home-made curry paste and some yummy turmeric (according to all the medical journals over here, the latest wonder food in the fight against cancer, so eat lots).

Now put on Bob Marley and The Wailers' 'Stir It Up' and follow his instructions for a couple of minutes … "Stir it up, little darling, stir it up … etc."

When it's looking like all the rice grains are nicely coated, whap up the heat and add the fish stock you made earlier and hopefully didn't pour down the sink.
Add just enough to cover the rice and it should be fine. Keep a little back in case it dries too quick but it shouldn't.

An alternative way to make this is to use leftover Basmati rice that's been in the fridge overnight. It's just as good but you don't need so much stock.
Anyhoo, this method is for making it from scratch as I tend to eat up all my rice like a good boy.

Once the stock is bubbling, reduce it for around eight minutes.

While that's reducing, shell and quarter the medium-boiled eggs I forgot to tell you to cook before you start any of this. Then put 'em on a plate to wait their turn.


When the stock is nicely reducing, stir in flaked haddock together with a handful of peas and some parsley.

Then cover the pan and simmer for four or five minutes until the rice is tender and has absorbed the liquid.

Take the pan off the heat, dot the rice with a few ickle bitties of butter, leave for a minute then give it a last stir to glaze it.

Dish it up, add the eggs and serve with lashings of mango chutney and lemon/lime wedges if you have guests.
If you're me and guestless, pig the whole damned lot and then lie back and grin.

Enjoy!