Meme-ette

Huge thanks once again to Savannah for this compact and bijou meme-ette.
Were it not for this you would have suffered more crap about boring guitars or moaning about trains.

This meme had lots of rules - or at least it did before it got here, where those things go straight in the bin.
Basically, it's "fess up about six unspectacular quirks of yours."

Easy peasy, I thought. I am probably the least spectacular person on the planet so unspectacular things follow me around like Pigpen's dust cloud.

It's quirks that are the problem.
I'm not the least bit quirky.
I am perfectly normal.
It's the rest of you who are quirky.
In fact some of you are downright weird (I say that in the knowledge than none of you are close enough to punch me).
I mean, I'm a bit anal with my books and I iron my boxer shorts, but that's not quirky; I just like to be able to find what I want to read and to do it in non-wrinkly underwear.

Having spent the whole train journey trying to think of quirky behaviour and coming up empty I shall have to scrape the barrel.

Shit. Where do I start?
Hokay …

1. I never wear any jewellery. No rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings or any of that crap. Just lately I've stopped wearing a watch, too. It always told me things I didn't want to know.
No tats or piercings, either; just the odd scar.

2. As I really can't think of much else I suppose I'll have to include my obsession with lovely straight towels, every piece of cutlery in the correct place (and the right way round) in the cutlery drawer, and if anyone moves something in my house so it's not quite square they're dead meat.

3. I regard this as perfectly normal behaviour but some oddballs amongst you might not:
I hate telephones. I absolutely loathe the fuckers.
For years I wouldn't have one in the house and now I only allow it under sufferance as it's the only way I can get online and work from home.
It stays on mute unless I'm expecting a call from the office, so don't try ringing the smegging thing (I'm not in the directory anyway).
As for fucking mobiles … well, you know my views.
It's bad enough having a fixed telephone at home (it lives at the bottom of the vegetable rack in the kitchen, underneath a cushion in case you're curious); the thought of one that actually follows me around gives me the screaming horrors.

I seem to remember when they first came out, everyone (and this means you; don't deny it) saying "Oh, I'll only use it for emergencies. What if my car breaks down?"
Yeah, right.
"Hi! I'm on the train!"
Bastard! I'll give you a fucking emergency!

4. I'm a pretentious twat with shelves full of lovely, stinky, leather-bound editions of Homer, Virgil, Dante, Milton, Shakespeare, Goethe, all the classics, plus Dickens and lots of good, turgid Russian literature, yet I still read comic books.
I am a huge fan of Love and Rockets.
I've collected it since it started in the early eighties and I regard it as great literature.

5. I loathe television.
Face it; it's crap.
For fifteen years I had a life instead of a television.
Now I have one but only to watch old black and white movies and to play Grand Theft Auto on the PS2 and PS3.
I can watch movies on my Mac so as soon as they come up with a monitor for the PS3 that isn't a television I'll ditch the fucking thing again.

6. I can do "this" with my thumbs.
Cool, huh?
I don't have a video camera so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Whew! That was really difficult. I simply don't have quirks. I am the quintessence of normality (NEVER "normalcy")!

Anyhoo … have a go if you feel like it, you quirky people, you.