Ye Gods!
All it takes is one sunny weekend.
London in this morning's rush hour looked like there had been yet another American "friendly fire" incident (remember in the first Gulf War, where more British soldiers were killed by Americans than by Iraqis?); only this time our bungling Colonial cowboys had hit England with napalm and neutron bombs.
The buildings were still standing but the streets were full of horrific burns injuries.
Why, oh why do English women insist on rushing out into their gardens at the first sign of decent weather and laying there for hours on end like a million bloated hog roasts, sweating fat faster than a barbecued sausage?
And what imbecile craving makes them wear things with straps in all the wrong places so that they look like someone has scribbled white lines all over a beetroot?
And why the fuck do they then come to work on Monday with their fat, wobbly, crimson torsos packed into way-too-small, off-the-shoulder sun-frocks of a completely different shape than those they were wearing while they sunbathed so that the contrast between peeling, scorched flesh and flabby pink bits is there on sickening display?
Honestly, the streets this morning looked like a burns unit had been evacuated during a fancy dress ball.
Cover it up, you stupid trolls!
It looks so fucking ugly!
Whatever happened to that beautiful soft English Rose complexion?
Why the rush to look either radioactive orange with fake tan or seared beetroot red with real sunburn?
By the time you're my age you'll look ten years older than you should and your skin will be dried-out, wrinkled and cancerous.
And you'll deserve it, you stupid, stupid people.
Give me an English Rose any day.
Sigh …
16 comments:
You are soooo right!!! The first time I ever went to London the sun came out - apparently that was the first time that suummer it had so it caused quite a sensation. At lunch time all these people in suits came down and stripped off and lay on the grass in the sun and sweated and sizzled for 30 minutes than put their clothes back on and went back to work. We were stunned!! We Australians from the land of bronzed everything including our statues, were sitting in the shade with a hat on!!!
In Greece they were stretched out on the beach like grilled bloated whales that Green Peace had refused to roll back into the water. At night the glow from their sunburnt bodies was enough to light up a small Greek village.
My sister -in-law is dying of skin cancer. It has become a reality these days. Pale is better than dead!!!
Pale is beautiful, Jules.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister in law. But thank you for cheering me up with the Greenpeace comment, which made me choke on my coffee.
We have a rule here—if it jiggles, cover it up—but only applies to fat. As for the sunburns, people are just silly. My Brazilian children are as dark as Brazil nuts by August, but their fair-skinned mother just freckles. I've learned to guard against too much sun.
burnt offerings that says it all, sugar. i've come to the conclusion that most people no longer have full length mirrors at home!
xox
ps: my 2 fashion rules are:
1. spandex is NOT a right, it's a privilege.
2. just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you can wear it!
Why not just say what you think, Dive?
Your first para had me panicking that i'd missed news of some major disaster in London over the weekend! Phew.
I agree, the sunburnt white person is not a good look. Well i suppose we've all been caught out now and then when out at an event etc., but I am cautious with the sun and use high factors when i'm in it on hols and get tanned naturally and gradually. I've not been on hols for around 12 years though so it's not regular! Yesterday, having been told to rest, i did lay out, it was just so lovely in the fresh air on a sunny day, reading my book. Only for an hour, then strictly came in. I just have a slight browning today and that's fine, it wasn't what i was there fore. I'm not bothered about tans etc. Why do people do that? Worse still, i think, are sun beds. I just don't get it. I guess i'm just an English Rose. lol.
fore? what's that? lol. for.
2. just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you can wear it!
I love that!! he he.
Er...my profile pic today is a bit tellings isn't it. I used gallons of sun cream on that hol though lol!
tellings? What's THAT? LOL I'm obviously not feeling as much better as i thought....!
A sensible move, Robyn.
I remember when I met daughter no.2, thinking how beautiful her skin colour is, but for us pinkies, covering up is best.
Savannah: What excellent rules! I think I'll print those up and put them over the cycle rack at the office. The amount of luminous spandex stretched over flab that comes in to the office all sweaty every morning is horrific to behold.
Lynn: I'm glad you're an English Rose. Tans look great on southern European people but we northerners just look plain ugly with them.
I'm afraid that I find tans on northern Europeans a real turn off.
I do hope your appendix stops grumbling soon.
I've never understood this need some people seem to have to get all brown every summer. A little sunkissed is pretty. A lot is leathery.
I'm Irish American, so my skin does not tan. It burns, peels, and burns again. I have learned to use sunscreen and lots of big hats.
My daughter is lucky. Being half Native American, she has skin that tans evenly and sweetly. Nevertheless, I swath her in sunscreen, which she detests.
Bing is an easy tanner too...but she does get a farmer's tan every summer. She makes me laugh when she comes to bed with a white torso and halfway down, brown arms and legs. She should wear sunscreen but seldom does.
By the way, last night (while she was mocking me for watching the season finale of Survivor), she told me that she has taken to reading your blog from time to time.
"He has interesting music and political views," she told me. I was shocked. She doesn't even read MY blog, Dive.
Should I be jealous.....? :)
Leathery! What a great word, Maria. you are so right. Some of us were meant to remain "pale and interesting".
Liv is indeed lucky. Like Robyn's daughters she is genetically tan-friendly.
And has Bing really dipped into the murky world of Dive? Wow! Cool! I'm feeling all kinda bashful now.
Hee hee.
How about an Aussie rose?
Genetically I have a little darkish french in that my father had quite olive skin so I tan quite easily. M.B is Irish/English and he tans beautifully. He is of the Australian bronzed lifesaver generation - something he is loathe to give up. He does look gorgeous though. I did try to tan up for him early on, when I was a bit slimmer: and there was one photo on ADP very early in the piece of me in green swimsuit with a reasonable sort of tan which is inevitable if you spend any time in Queensland. We spent two weeks there visiting my mother and we were both a bit dark by the time we came home. Fortunately, no skin cancer for him but I have had an SCC removed from underneath my eye so I'm more careful now but I admit that I never wear sunscreen. Not good role models are we?
I don't know about Aussie roses, Mme. Around here, most of the Aussie girls are big, brash, blonde and LOUD and they scare the willies out of me.
MB is so lucky to tan well (having said that, I used to myself but now I stay well out of the sun's way - yes, there are photos, but unlike Lynn I don't look good half-naked so I'll keep those hidden for decency's sake). I think you are wise to be careful as you have so much more of the bright stuff than we do.
Dive - don't hold back dude...tell us how you really feel about this!
I've done enough damage to my skin back in the day when we used to slather ourselves in baby oil and fry in the sun all day to know better not to stand in the sun without protection.
Still...I manage to get the "farmer tan" (t-shirt tan) at least once a year or the trucker tan (tan on one arm and not the other).
I tried consolidating my freckles too...that didn't work.
I don't mind being pale, but the reflection of my white skin has been known to blind people.
Pale is lovely, Shazza.
Freckles are sexy.
Unless you are naturally tanned it just looks desperately sad.
For Dive & All Dive's Readers -
May is Melanoma Awareness Month here is the U.S., but everyone should know that suntans and sunburns can lead to cancer.
Folks with pale complexions have the highest risk, but persons of all skin tones are vulnerable. Melanoma can even turn up on parts of the body not usually exposed to the sun. If you've got skin there, you can get melanoma there.
As a Stage III (and third-generation) melanoma patient, I would not wish my past year on anyone. For your sake, and the sake of your families, stay out of the sun.
- Lulu
I'm so sorry to hear that, Lulu.
Back when I was a kid, our parents thought getting out in the sun was "healthy" and as you can see from the next post's photo, we'd never heard of sun-block.
Let's hope ours is the last generation raised in ignorance.
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