Old Dive would like to apologise for the brief blog hiatus.
After eleven lovely days of breathing fresh, clean country air, getting back to filthy London last Wednesday and inhaling the fœtid, dank stench of The Great Wen, plus being trapped in trains and tubes full of coughing, hacking bastards, reeking of B.O. and halitosis, led to the inevitable hybrid flu/cold/leprosy/dengue fever/udder rot combined with several diseases that would raise eyebrows at Porton Down germ warfare research labs taking up residence in my saggy old bod (you know the kind of thing; women shrug it off with a single polite cough while men collapse into bed for a week and moan like fuck).
I still feel like something freshly squeezed from Gojira's arse this morning but I can actually move my limbs without screaming, so - predictably vindictively - I've crawled back to London to spread viral revenge on the stinking capital.
I'm a one man epidemic with a twitch and a bad attitude so watch out London; it's Twelve Monkeys time!
18 comments:
Ha! Man flu personified walking the smokey streets. What an horrendous thought. Glad i'm two and a half hours away.
Wish you better, poor old thing. Get to bed early tonight darling with a nice hot toddy. Shall i change your bed and make it all fresh for you? Here's the newspaper. What do you fancy for lunch, no anything; i don't mind. There, there (see, i know how to treat man flu well - this is the best course of action if you're not two and a half hours' away. Tried, tested and passed).
Thank you, Lynn.
Not at all sure about the "subservient woman" thang. I think that would creep me out.
I prefer the strong, independent woman who'd say "If you're going to be ill, you can sleep in the spare room. Now while you're laying there all useless I'm going shopping, then out with friends."
Awwww, feel better soon babe.
I'll even make an effort to blog and leave you something funny.
cool...you could do a new 12 monkeys logo...one of my favorite movies, sugar! as to having a woman take care of you during a bout of the man flu - trust me, darlin, on this one thing! it isn't about being subservient, it's about love xoxxo
Perhaps it's a blessing old son !
Donate the lurgie to the subconscious mind and let the conscious have a hoot.
No more flying flegm in transit for a few days.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
Glad you're not a train cleaner for British Rail. They're probably all f****** dead !
Cheers, Kate. I'll pop across and take a peek when I get the chance.
Savannah: if you can love the hacking, whining snot-monster that is a man with a cold, then that is true love indeed.
Monsieur B: The cleaners are resistant to all known diseases. It was my spending a while in the pure country air that lowered my resistance to the foul, infectious stew that is London air.
hee hee hee hee hee. I'm sorry to be laughing when you are so unwell, but your post title is just so darned funny.
Get better soon, Dive.
Feel better soon Dive.
Gosh you must be the first man i've met who'd prefer that, Dive. How refreshing. I've obviously met all the wrong men. Well, i kind of knew that though... :( lol!
I can tell you're grumpy today Dive, you gave me a bit of a telling-off over at mine today... snigger.
Ahhhhh..Rats! Sorry you're sick! I do SO enjoy your rantings whether they are fever and snot induced or not. The language takes a bit of getting used to ;) But I am just a sheltered American from the bible belt so reading your blog is quite the eye opener at times. At least I pretend it is (feigning a blush).
I was recently at a 4th and 5th grade talent show where musical instruments of several kinds were being sorely abused and it made me think of your post about amateur musicians in concert-HA!
What a weird blogging world we live in! Take Care!
God...me too. And Bing. And Liv. And yes, I am the one who doesn't miss work and says I am "fine, fine." Bing is the one who behaves as if a plague of locusts have set up residence in her body. She whimpers for juice, asks me to feel her head for a fever and keeps whispering, "My bones just accchhheee."
I feel like smacking her.
Aren't you glad that you don't live with me?
Get better soon, you fine handsome man.
You big Jessie.
LOL Full!
Ah, Robyn. I was drafting a post on books on my way home (cancelled train; delayed replacement; standing all the way home; hey ho) and wondered which of my literary ladies would spot that one.
You know I can never resist a bad pun.
Lynn: Mister Grumpy-Trousers apologises on bended knee for my comment on your delightful skip. Hee hee.
And yes; strong, independent, smart and funny women make me hornier than a roomful of rhinos. Whingeing soppy dependent wifey types creep me out. I like to be half of a couple, not three-quarters of a sub-dom fetish arrangement. Ew.
Hello Shan! Welcome.
I don't use a site meter (life's too short) and I have no idea who lurks and reads until they comment so I can only apologise for the language (and indeed the militant Atheism) of my silly blog persona.
Dive (as I'm sure you've figured out) is a semi-fictional character based on my dark side. I'm actually a remarkably cheerful cove and not sweary at all, but Mister Mischief comes out to play when I sit down to post on the blog.
It's nice to know that masochistic appreciation of excruciating child orchestras is not confined to this side of the pond.
Maria: no I'm not glad about that at all, but perhaps you should be. Hee hee.
Actually I LOVE the aches and shakes part of flu; that delicious shivery fever when your body is freezing and you shake so hard your teeth chatter for hours on end, no matter how many layers of duvet you're under.
It may sound pervy but there's definitely something sensuous there.
Okay, so it's just pervy.
Phil: you were round here yesterday playing GT5 on the PS3 so you're very likely to go down with it later this week.
Sorry, old chap.
Lynn: Now now. Don't encourage him!
Dive - get thee to the spare room and read some Dickens! I'm going shopping.
Honestly, the comments on your blog have me in stitches almost as much as the posts themselves:)
Feel better soon Dive.
Hee hee, Mme!
You have made me feel much better already, thank you.
Wow. You had too much time on your hands - recuperating.
A very good list! Many of the books you mentioned figured in my reading list as a literature major - that's 9 years of serious literary study!
Did I miss War and Peace? That book did my head in. And Les Miserable! Loved that one. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez is another beautiful writer - very Latino.
Though I enjoyed prose, I loved poetry more. Give me Pablo Neruda, William Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Ruth Mabanglo, e.e. cummings, Ben Santos, et al any day.
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