For the first time since the cretaceous period I actually find myself with a girlfriend.
If we're going to be walking out together it's about time I started looking after my own appearance.
I'm no longer svelte, but balding and saggy in places where saggy should never be seen, and I have the dress sense of of a Goth tramp, whereas my girlfriend is five-ten, willowy, graceful and drop-dead gorgeous, with that long, beautiful auburn hair and glasses 'sexy librarian' thang going on.
I've got my work cut out, dammit!
Realistically, without resorting to plastic surgery and liposuction (though I am regularly torturing myself in the gym and eating ludicrously healthy food … like er … chowder and cookies) I'm going to have to think seriously about my hair and my clothes.
Fortunately for me, my girl is also arty and smarty and has generously left a gallimaufry of miscellaneous arcana all over my house, including a magazine from her neck of the woods that is chock full of splendid fashion advice.
I can take a hint, honeypie.
Right … Let's deal with my distinct lack of hair:
Holy crap! $164 for a full head of "hair and scalp"?That's a real bargain!
I'm sorely tempted, but do I really want to look that mad-eyed and psychopathic?
That guy is seriously scary!
Brr …
Hokay; so I'll stay balding, but at least I can do something about my clothes.
I've selected a few choice items from the magazine and now I'm asking your advice.
Which of these is "me"?(Click on 'em for bigger, readable versions).
Which look is guaranteed to impress my new girl?
I trust your opinions implicitly, so do let me know.
There is much more like this in the magazine. If you're lucky I'll post some more another day.
17 comments:
Can't.Stop.Laughing.
It is so good to have y'all back, sugar! xoxoxo
(I am soooooo seeing you in the personalized v-neck!)
Oh my. I couldn't possibly choose. Is there anyway you could just go extreme makeover and do it all. You might need more chest hair for that last look so keep that in mind when getting the top done. ;)
That's one lucky lady you have there..... Maybe while the credit card is out, you could order the footed pajamas(from Skymall)for her to wear this Fall.
Oh I dare not comment Son, I just love you the way you are, but you have made me giggle, so thanks.....
You two share a wicked sense of humor!
Go clothes shopping with her, if you haven't already. I am sure she can take care of that department, but for laughs go with The Satin Lounge Set. ;)
There is nothing like a well groomed man regardless of how much hair he has.
That's all I got to offer. I am not so good at the dressing of a man as the undressing. LOL.
NONE OF THE ABOVE! Especially not Brass on the Ass.
Oh Dive dear, definitely the satin pants with a nice fur jacket! Skip the named T-shirt and go bare-chested. Never mind the saggy bits or the rug on top. Your girl should take you shopping and do all the choosing. When she makes the choice and says "wear this", you just say "yes, m'aam, whatever your heart desires". Hee, hee, hee.
So...Madame likes her men bare-chested.
Hee, hee, hee indeed.
In these parts, men shave their heads to be bald and sexy! Don't bother with hair implants but go for those satin pants! Whoo-hoo!
I can't wait to see a pic of the new lady in your life!
I think the satin pants and a shaved head. Then top it with a fur. fur is good!
I hope your new gf won't be offended if I asked for a picture of you in the skinny tight jeans. I just want to see if you have an ass or not. ;)
Gosh, I've missed you! You need the Brass on the Ass jeans and the red v-neck in silky polyester.
Also, please tell us your girlfriend's name (or nickname or alias). If you don't we'll have to refer to her, as you do, as "honeypie".
:^D
Hi Son have you a photo of the "goat coat" I still remember the smell... tee hee!!!!!!!!
Savannah: You are a woman of impeccable taste; I shall order one right away.
xoxoxo
Shan: Oooh, those footed pyjamas! I'd forgotten about those. I now have an up to date SkyMall catalogue (in the bathroom … great reading) so look out for more selections next time I crank up the scanner.
Mum: Giggle? I was being serious. These clothes are so me … er.
Cali: Hee hee! You are incorrigible.
Yes, we have been clothes shopping and it was a hoot, trying on all these different clothes that I would never have dreamed of buying (they're not black and misshapen).
So yes, I now have a new wardrobe. Yay!
Robyn: Damn! I really fancied those Brass on the Ass jeans.
Mme: My girl has indeed taken me clothes shopping and it was exactly as you described. Hee hee.
T: These Australians are shockingly unrepressed.
Satin pants it is, Neetzy!
I have lots of photos of my new sweetie; come on over and I'll show you.
Hi, Mortimer.
I'm afraid my budget doesn't quite run to "affluent", so it's fake fur only for me.
Shazza: my ass is my best feature, but it is now spoken for, so won't be appearing on the blog.
Hi, Lulu! Ah, silky polyester, king of fabrics.
My girlfriend is happy with "Honeypie" for the time being.
Mum: Eww! Luckily I don't have any photos except the old black and white one I posted ages ago. If people want to see that, then they'll have to hunt through almost a thousand posts for it.
Dive,
If in fact I had just fell in love after hoping, wishing and blogging about it over the last few years, I would do the following:
Fuck going out, stay in bed...and .....(well, I think I said that already.) (hee hee)
Love,
Pru
Ps I posted.
Sage advice, Prudence; I shall follow it as often as I can. Hee hee.
Your post is wonderful. I smiled a lot and got choked up a little, too.
Love,
D.
Oh. Dear. Lord. :)
Um...what magazine was this in?
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