"Gem of the East Coast".
The more elderly among you may remember me relating the chilling horror that is Great Yarmouth out of season …
… for any who don't, the whole miserable collection of posts is here: down near the bottom of my "Coast" posts from last year.
The bleak desolation.
The abject misery.
The choking despair of a once-elegant seaside resort gone to rot and ruin.
What better place - I hear you cry - to take my new girlfriend?
To brighten things up a bit we decided to go there during the May Bank Holiday; that traditional mad rush to the coast, where the beaches are packed with bloated sunbathers smeared in chip-fat, burning their distended bellies and fat, flabby, wobbling, mountainous arses to a cancerous crisp and where the entertainment is a non-stop roller-coaster of fun, fun fun!
Here then is the first in a brief series of posts documenting our cheery encounter with the "Gem Of The East Coast" at the very peak of the tourist season.
Scintillating!
Exciting!
A thrill-packed joyride of …
… er …
Hmm … I believe this shop sells both cigarettes and rock (a nasty, sugary confection guaranteed to rot the teeth right out of your head as soon as you look at it), but the message here seems to be slightly confused.
At least the … er … tasteful figurines beside it are more clear in their intention … to put anyone off hot-dogs, burgers chips and fish for life.Perhaps the crowded beaches will offer us more tempting fare …
Or perhaps not. Here we have the heaving throng of happy Bank Holiday revellers who keep our coastal resorts alive and thriving.
Katie took this one. I love it!Redolent of dank despair, it reeks of the broken dreams of weeping children promised the holiday of a lifetime.
It would make a splendid postcard!
Katie has an excellent eye for the bizarre and the inappropriate (hey, she's dating me, isn't she?) …
So … If the beaches are not exactly heaving with pretty girls in bikinis and hunky lifeguards in Speedos, let's head across this stretch of sand to the Marina Centre, the hugely expensive entertainment complex built to revive the town's flagging fortunes.
Er … It appears to be closed down.The only sign of life is this chap practising his keepy-uppy skills all alone, perhaps dreaming of one day escaping this pestilential pit of hopelessness via the lucrative world of competitive … er … keepy-uppy.
Talking of sports, let's head for the golf course …Ah …
I wonder if Arnold Palmer is aware of this place trading on his name?
I do love the Vegas-style sign, though … Nice font.
So … This place used to be heaving with theatres. Let's see what's playing …
Hmm … They are all shut down except one; converted to seedy clubs or slot-machine arcades.Still, at least the Hippodrome survives to welcome us with some classy family entertainment.
Before we completely give up on the place, let's look for something to eat …
Ah …The classic Italian combination of lasagne and chips.
Ugh!That's simply too disgusting for words.
But hey! It's not all doom and gloom!Tune in next time to see Katie and Dive hit the glitz and glamour of the piers!
Woo … er … hoo.
22 comments:
Katie; in all your years of lifeguarding,I think this might be the first time you saved anyone! Way to go!
Katie certainly has saved me, Cynthia.
This post had me laughing out loud. Too many good lines to quote and then I read your response to Katie's mom! How sweet and romantic and . . . I better stop before I cry!
Seriously, love has not dulled your wit at all. If anything it has sharpened it and is even more delightful to read.
That last photo should be your on your holdiay cards, which you don't send out, but should this year!
I got yer "pretty girls in bikinis and hunky lifeguards in Speedos" right here. Sorta.
Dive is such a gentleman that he didn't even blame Katie for the trip to Great Yarmouth. Does anybody really think it was HIS choice to go?! I believe he was dragged.
Great comment, Cynthia!
Gee, Dive, with all the crowd at the beach, I thought maybe Jaws was threatening the fun. Or maybe that food scared everyone away.
Is Arnold Palmer still alive?
I hope you didn't end up having lunch in the same cafe that we did. The bloke sat behind us threatened to stab his co-worker's hand with a fork.
Cali: Yes, I am a big softie at heart.
But still - mercifully - a sweary old curmudgeon on the blog.
Petrea: I love the "sorta". Hee hee.
Sarah: You are very well informed (of course). Katie did indeed insist on checking out the joys of Yarmouth, just to see the truth behind my old posts.
Lupine Lady: When I was a lad those beaches wre so packed tight with sunburned holidaymakers that you couldn't see the sand. How times change. Hey ho.
Betty: If he isn't then he must be spinning in his grave.
We escaped Yarmouth without putting anything icky in our mouths and enjoyed lunch at Waxham Great Barn instead (yummy).
You make it sound so good Son.... actually it used to be great when we took you all those years ago, I never go there now.....
Love the last pic though...Katie saving you ...bless her...
mushy peas? Oh. just...oh. Icky.
Sounds so much like my home beach town (without the mushy peas). Some beach towns are thriving on the same old cheesy tourist trap junk stores and junk food shops. Some people go to these year after year and never go anywhere else. Fun post, but it makes me sadly nostalgic.
Absolutely adore the last photo of you two!
That is so terribly sad, seeing a whole beach environment absolutely devoid of people. You two should head downunder and take a look at some of our beaches! Admittedly there are some deserted ones around but nothing quite as tragic as this.
Since MB made a lasagne last week which I've retrieved from the freezer, guess what's on the menu for dinner tonight? Yep, you guessed it - served with mushy peas and chips! Hee, hee.
Let me just say, in defense of poor maligned Great Yarmouth, that it was NOT the pit of abject misery that I was led to believe. Yes the beach was empty, but it was mid-morning on a cloudy, cool and WINDY day, so not exactly beach weather. I do give that mom credit for taking her baby out for some fresh air on the beach. Granted, I was not at all tempted by a lunch of mushy peas (which I refuse to eat) or lasagna with french fries (sorry, chips are potato chips to me and always will be). You gotta love those fiberglass food figurines (well, maybe not the fish -- too healthy). My favorite photo here is definitely the guy practicing "keepy-uppy" - it was odd to see him there all alone. We did have fun on the pier and there was so much we didn't get to, like the model village railway & garden, the ferris wheel. I can't wait to go back when it's hot and the beach is crowded. And don't forget kids -- cigarettes rock!
I'm still trying to get my head around this....you folks like crowded beaches?
Why would you not want to have the beach to yourself?
I love my fellow man as much as anybody, but I don't really want to have to search for an empty spot to put my towel down.
Of course, my concept of a proper ocean beach is a state park with a parking lot and maybe a restroom, no snack bar, no gift shop, no town nearby.
Oh, and big rocks, crashing waves, and fog. Now THAT'S a beach.
Mum: That was almost fifty years ago! Weirdly, the Snails and the Model Village are still there, left over from those days and are the only decent attractions in the entire town.
Maria: Mushy peas are yummy! Hee ahee.
Mme: Oooh! Lasagne, mushy peas and chips! Traditional English seaside food. I do hope you enjoy it!
Katie: we shall have to go back when the weather is better and see all the beached walruses sunbathing.
It tickled me when you said the place was "so clean."
And you are right of course; all children should be made aware that cigarettes rock … and that drugs are our friends.
Sarah: I hate crowded beaches! If you check out my "Coast" posts from last year you'll see where I like to go (NOT Yarmouth); further up the coast we have miles of completely deserted sandy beaches. Yay!
Neetzy: This whole coast post thing was started by your own lovely Shazza, with a wonderful series of black and white photos of Noo Joisey.
I hope to visit the Joisey coast one day; I'm sure it has some much nicer places!
Wasn't Gt Yarmouth the inspiration for Royston Vasey?
Thanks for the cookies and popcorn Katie, they were gooooooood.
WTF? Steak & kidney pie? Really? None for me thanks. I will try some chips though. Great pic of you and the beautiful and talented Katie.
Mushy peas ARE delicious!
I'm with Sarah I'm afraid, I couldn't understand why some of you were thinking an empty beach is bad! I think it's fantastic! Wow all that space and peace, in beautiful surroundings, I just love it. Crowded beaches are hell, to me. :) I love to walk on an empty beach. The sound of the waves, the sand, ohhhhh adore it! Great last shot - he he!
Now !!
Just lissssen here ole son.
The typical British seaside resort and the traditional fare of the Poms was probably wot caused the mass exodus of the local gentry to down-under Oz in the 60's and 70's.
We provided you lot with a modicum of temperature to add to your otherwise perfect climate.
We added surf and warm (Malta - like) water to add to your otherwise perfectly awful beaches.
We added the crook sounding aussie accent to the delightfully lilting and delicate tones of the just round th' corner from Bow Bells gals and chappies wot arrived 'ere in them days 'gon bye.
Ow come there's ennyone left in UK arfter orl that migration bizzo, mate ??
And to think that your chappies have waltzed-in and found themselves perfectly at home here, driving on the left, drinks at the 19th tee, parson calling during the week, (food parcels from home going straight in the bin !! ), why not come over and look around ?
We might be down under, old son, but the economy has been affected less than in the (your) antipodes, - and Australia, one of the last outposts of the Empire, has been less affected by the global downturn than most anywhere.
We reckon that we are just plain old lucky to live here. We would never give it away for quids.
And we are happy to share it with Poms, Yanks, Frogs and one or 2 others.
There's 3 million square miles of it and it's all just outside your door.
Nobody has ever died from it yet.
Cheers ole son. We're waiting for you !
Phil:
Good luck tonight! Have fun!
(Phil's first gig with his new band is this very eve).
Mark: Steak and kidney pie (home made) is gorgeous; just NEVER with chips!
Lynn: I'm with you. Mushy peas are a much maligned delight.
MB: It's not so bad here at the moment; we're having a wonderful summer and all the bar staff are Aussi, so we get to hear the lilt a lot.
Having said that, I'd love to come and visit, but I have acquired a more urgent destination in Katieland.
oh, M. Benaut, if only I could afford the airfare...
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