Hoorah for the Chinese!
I love the fact that they faked some of the Olympic opening ceremony.
We're so used to buying Chinese fakes we shouldn't be bothered in the least.
Crawling past it on the train this morning I gazed forlornly at the trashed wasteland that is the 2012 London Olympics building site when a thought occurred.
This thing is going so far over budget that to pay for it we'll have to endure rationing for decades and a return to the joys of postwar austerity Britain (yay for powdered egg, Spam and coffee made from acorns).
Why the hell not just fake the whole fucking thing?
The opening ceremony, the closing ceremony and everything in between.
Make it like one big video game.
After all, we're never gonna manage to stage it for real …
We've got no money to build it.
We've got crap athletes and no money to train them.
What we have got is four years and a decent CGI industry.
Shit, we could even fake it so our athletes actually WON things!
Mind you, we'd have to be careful not to go too far …
However tempting it may be I can't see the Yanks being too happy at watching the CGI opening ceremony and the waddling entrance of their "super-sized" lardy-assed flag-bearer, followed by a horde of morbidly obese rednecks in Mc.D teeshirts and baseball caps, toting Bibles and guns.
Similarly the Frogs wobbling on their bicycles in Breton stripy teeshirts and berets, festooned with garlic.
The Aussies may not be entirely convinced by a lycra-clad Dame Edna and a drooling Sir Les Patterson.
Though of course, the Brits would be totally believable, represented by clones of James Bond and Lara Croft.
Actually, I think I'm on to something here … I'll send this post to the British Olympic Committee.
Be sure and watch in 2012.
15 comments:
i love the fact that the label attached to this is "insulting my friends"! xoxoxo
heard the story about the faking this morning and all i could think was "why is this important?" followed by what would steven have done?
yuk, yuk, yuk! ;-)
Hee hee, Savannah!
Ever since I got dog-piled for using the phrase "not just fat; we're talking American fat!" I've been totally unable to resist repeating the stereotyped jibe at every available opportunity.
You know I don't mean it.
Honest!
xoxox
Shut up with your American bashing. My athletes can beat your athletes any day, and they aren't fat. I am disturbed, though, that some of them have been forced to do advertising for McDonalds, especially the fatty and greasy chicken sandwich, like these lean people eat that crap.
I think Savannah's right. It's not important, especially considering all they did was enhance some of the fireworks. I still think their presentation was the best ever.
Anything with Sir Les Patterson is doomed to be a major success.
He personifies the epitome of our glorious Aussie Culture.
Dame Edna and her, (Dame Edna's) glorious majesty are naturally on first name terms.
They are seriously considering becoming the combined, next Governor General of Australia.
However, if King Charles accedes at this time they may have to pack up and do a runner, back to the mother land.
Then the British Isles may see a return of the descendents of our first settlers on a grand scale.
If this occurs before 2012, then all your problems will be solved ?
"No job too large or too small", That's the Ozzie motto.
Awwww, Robyn! American bashing is so much more fun than bashing Frogs or Krauts or Paddies, our traditional bashees.
Monsieur, I would far rather have Dame Edna as Queen than the grouchy old German bint we're stuck with.
Clearly I don't have my eyes tuned to the headlines because I have no idea what you are talking about. Here's an embarrassing admission for you: I don't even know WHERE the olympics are being held! I saw something on Maria's blog about freeing Tibet and that only confused me further.
I tried turning on the t.v. last night to watch and it was just beach volleyball. Then I switched to the Discovery channel and wandered off to answer the phone. I'll try to give it another shot this evening and, in the meantime, maybe I could look up this Chinese faking firework scandal.
I am ashamed of myself. Admitting my lack of global awareness is my punishment for the day.
you silly man! of course, i knew you were teasing...i, of course, will refrain from posting my own anti-english hilarious sentiments! *snickering*
(is it time to remind you, i'd marry you if i could?) ;-)
xoxoxox
James Bond and Lara Croft? Arent' you flattering yourself a bit now Dive?
When I envision the brits I also see the older Keith Richards, Mrs. Lovett, Aqualung, Prince Charles and Camilla... You could have them all dress up as Lady Di in her wedding dress and do some synchronized dance thing. Better yet, check out today's post for the fish fight. I'm sure the Japanese dance troupe could perform for you! I know some great rednecks in West Virginia who could sell you some bootleg fireworks on the cheap! You could probably also get some moonshine. (A better alternative to acorn coffee).
Your Yank friend,
Neetzy
Oh poor Shan. I think I'm going to send you a globe of the world to help you find Peking (oops, that is now Beijing) - north-eastern China my dear. But to make you feel better, I can't remember where the last games were held!!
Dive, your stereotypes are quite wonderful dear. You are a grouch today!
London will do all of you proud; but personally I think some downsizing might be called for anyway. These opening ceremony excesses remind me of the 1930s entertainments to take everyone's mind off the fact that they were in the midst of a global depression! Politicians - of all types, are just plain silly. Taxes - they will multiply again and the little people will pay and pay and pay.
BTW - The Australian fellow on the olympic committee is a man I knew many years ago. In those days he was the Exec Director of Shell, flying around in his own corporate jet. He's a very nice man, just accustomed to a high flying lifestyle. He's a former olympian himself (runner) of course. (He took me out to lunch once at the end of a conference and we drank two bottles of French champagne, followed by the inevitable, but unsuccessful pass!)
Hee hee, Shan. The Olympics are being held in smoggy Beijing. The war in South Ossetia is over, so you blinked and missed it.
And don't worry about having no idea what I'm talking about; most of the time I don't, either.
Savannah, it is always time to remind me of that! Hee hee.
And there's no need to hold the English up to ridicule; we do that ourselves … we are about to spend four years embarrassing ourselves in the eyes of the world with our bickering and catastrophic attempts to prepare for the next Olympics here in London.
xoxox
Brilliant, Neetzy! I love the thought of the walking corpse that is Keef competing in the Olympics. I'll put him in a leotard for the gymnastics … Ew!
I have no idea who Mrs. Lovett is.
Aqualung? The Jethro Tull Aqualung? Yaay! That makes me feel old.
Chaz and the Camel? Ick! I would dearly love to have the Royal Family compete in synchronised beheading.
A fish fight? That sounds fun! I'll just finish this and pop over to take a look.
Greece, Mme! You didn't notice it because you were probably still celebrating the success you guys made of Sydney; still the greatest Olympics ever held in my opinion.
Our Opening Ceremony is (keep this to yourself) likely to shy away from the spectacular in favour of "tradition". This is the inside scoop. You heard it here first. Our resident Morris Dancer, Chris has been confirmed with his troup for the opening (absolutely true).
So say goodbye to massed pyrotechnics and incomprehensible symbolism; say hello to a small group of middle-aged men waving hankies at one another.
Having said that, the budget has skyrocketed so insanely that the beautiful buildings we had planned are being drastically cut back. Zaha Hadid's glorious design for the swimming pool is likely to be the first victim and to be replaced with a corrugated iron shed.
Hee hee. I love the tale of the drunken and lecherous Olympic committee man!
Yes I am referring to the Jethro Tull Aqualung. Mrs. Lovett was the character of the pie maker in Sweeney Todd (opposite the always hot Johnny Depp). I can't think of the actress' actual name but she played Belatrix Lestrange in the last Harry Potter. I don't know if she is actually British but she always seems to play them. Also, I am honoring you on my blog today so be sure to tune in!
Aha! You mean the very wonderful Helena Bonham Carter, English aristocrat, actress and wife of Tim Burton!
I'm about to go to bed but I'll pop over to your blog for a nightcap.
I vote you guys just do a Harry Potter theme. Everyone will get all starry eyed and happy. Just send Radcliffe out there with his Hogwart's robes on to hold up his hands and say, "God bless us everyone!" and there you go. All done. And everyone is happy.
Maria, you have just saved the British taxpayer billions of pounds.
Excellent!
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