This is a quick meme Katherine posted the other day.
She has a strange imagination.
I'd advise donning protective clothing before continuing.
You have to pick only one option (you can't say "neither") and you have to justify your choice with a good excuse.
Here we go:
1. Would you rather be Hillary Clinton or Mary Magdalene?
Yikes! Would I rather get cigar-happy with that deliciously smooth Mister Bill, or hang around with the Elvis of the Christian religion, JC himself?
Sorry, Bill. You're cute but you ain't Jesus. What you could teach me may well be pretty entertaining but it certainly won't save my soul.
Mary it is, then.
2. Would you rather have a monkey on your back on be on the back of a monkey?
I've always steered clear of hard drugs. Shit; I'm a musician; I've seen what they can do … First off, they turn you into a complete twat, then they kill you.
As for being on the back of a monkey, I may well enjoy that. We're mammals after all and I'm just another ape, so monkey's close enough for me.
Take me to the zoo and let's party!
(Sorry, Robyn and Lynn; that's the third time in my blog-history that I've used the "p" word as a verb, when I vowed I never would).
Mea culpa.
Whip me with a damp copy of Nursing Times.
3. Would you rather live in the center of the universe or BE the center of the universe?
I AM the centre of the universe!
Living there would be pretty shitty. What's left of the Big Bang after thirteen billion years or so will probably be not quite as nice as laying on the beach in Maui.
An empty, freezing, airless void (the centre of the universe; not Maui).
Though they'll probably have a Mc.Donalds … Ick … Another reason to steer well clear.
So I'll just carry on being the centre of my own somewhat ratty and frazzled universe.
You're all welcome to peer in and poke me with a stick.
4. Would you rather sizzle in a frying pan or drop your drawers in public?
Hell, I've appeared naked in public so many times it's scary.
Thousands of communal dressing rooms have played host to penis sculpture contests or the girls and the boys judging who's got the cutest chocolate starfish.
It's what musicians do, fer Chrissakes!
We spend way more hours in the dressing room than we do on stage, and there's only so much you can talk about before someone whaps out his todger or flashes her boobs (Wilma, Michelle, Claire et al; I salute you).
Then there's skinny dipping.
And I always blog naked (at least when I'm at home) … I like the feel of your fingers when you comment.
Just don't come near me with that sizzling frying pan!
Yikes!
5. Would you rather sit naked on an artichoke or choke on a rat?
I am naked.
I have an artichoke.
Here goes …
Actually, that's not bad. Slightly prickly but much better than choking on a rat. Rats are cute.
Hmmm … I was intending making a risotto with that artichoke … Oh well. I've eaten French food so it won't be anything new.
6. Would you rather be a dirty cat pan or a horse's ass?
I'm not even sure what a cat-pan is. I assume it's a kitty-litter tray.
So.
I've emptied more cat shit than is strictly decent and horse-shit is mostly grass … and great mulch for roses.
So horse's ass it is.
7. Would you rather be a Papal robe or a nursing bra?
Katherine; I'm not exactly sure what these questions say about you but they are certainly pretty damned weird. I love 'em.
Being a Papal robe would only be attractive if I could dangle down and trip that old nazi smeghead Ratzinger down some steps.
A nursing bra on the other hand …
Sheesh! I'm a sex-starved middle-aged man who loves boobs. Bring it on!
8. Would you rather staple the sleeve of your ripped shirt or glue the hem of your pants?
I've used an office stapler on a broken fly zip more than once. And blu-tacked the hem of my trousers (pants over here means "undies", Katherine).
It would have to be the trouser hem.
I was seventeen when Punk happened; a ripped shirt is pure nostalgia for me and should stay ripped. In fact I'd probably rip off the whole sleeve, and the other one.
9. Would you rather walk around on stilts for a week or use a Hippity-Hop to get everywhere?
Hippity-hop! No contest!
If you fall off stilts it hurts.
In fact I may get me a hippity-hop. I could start a craze among London commuters.
Cool!
10. Would you rather puke in public or have a really hairy back?
Again; I'm a musician - puking in public comes with the territory.
Hairy back? Gack!
11. Would you rather lick a frog or eat its legs?
Having done both, I have to say the legs are delicious and easily beat the crappy, allegedly hallucinogenic effect of licking the little blighters.
In mitigation, I am European.
Snails are yummy, too.
12. Would you rather have stretch marks or zits?
I've had zits.
I'm now growing man-boobs, so bring on the stretch marks.
13. Would you rather stop at #13 or let me keep going?
Keep going, dammit! I was enjoying that!
I know how you all hate memes so I'll just tag meme-haters … ah … that's all of you, isn't it?
15 comments:
OH, the hippity-hop, of course. What a fun way to get around. And I have thrown up in public so many times--right in front of an elementary school once as the little dears were arriving on the bus.
That's an image that will make the artichoke risotto even harder to eat, Robyn.
Hee hee
I'm copping out of this one but i'll reserve it in my meme's blog.
I'm currently naked also, only because they are doing my 35th birthday shoot, not because I'm doing weird shit with vegetables, thats a whole other photo shoot that i'm never planning to get involved in.
Rich started this one, blame rich for mentioning birthday suit.
And yes i am posting them.
Rich, this is all your fault!
When's the birthday, Kate?
Kate's nekkid; I'm nekkid (albeit 12,500 miles away); let's all get nekkid for Kate's birthday.
Can't wait to see the photos, Kate (I can already feel my upper arm starting to bruise from the pounding I'm gonna get from my girlfriend for that one).
I'll just tag meme-haters
The only tag you'll get me on will be the one on my toe after I die of meme posioning.
but anyone who cuts off a "royal" parasite's head can be forgiven a lot
I thought I told you but I must have been drunk I put you in the wankers gallery for yer commie attitude and disrespect for royals, there you will stew with Rich the Iranians and the other wankers until you learn yer lesson.
I said a hip, a hop, the hippie, the hippie
To the hip hip hop, and ya don't stop
The rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat...
my shout out to old school rapper, Wonder Mike.
Hippity-hop.
kates birthday and ms sassy's is september 11.
Old K:
In case you didn't get my first reply I am deeply honoured and grinning like a fool at my entry in your prestigious Wankers Gallery.
I'm so proud I could cry.
Terroni: Dammit! Now I'll be singing that all day.
Kate: I can't wait!
These questions make me feel funny.
They're kinda strange, aren't they, Sassy.
Hey, you missed Phil and me dragged up. And Nelson Mandela.
Where've you been just lately?
Bugger Hilary Clinton and Mary Magdalene, old son. Whatever happened to Monica Lewinski?
Where's that Btitish spirit of adventure?
Hee hee, MB.
I didn't set the questions; when I do that, things tend to get out of hand.
I live with a musician, so I know all about frog licking and monkeys on backs. But, the artichoke thing just intrigues me.
I blog naked occasionally. I have found that drinking coffee and blogging naked is not a good choice.
I haven't puked in public yet, but I expect that this will all change as I age. I will probably poop in public as well. And I won't care, that will be the beauty of it.
Ah … Old age does have its little compensations.
I fully intend to shout a lot and pee in public places.
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