As Old Knudsen foresaw with astonishing prescience in the comments to my last post, it's Monday and it's another fucking meme.
Time once again for the festering pile of crapulent moaning known to the world as Fracas Monday Melee.
I know you're fed up with me loving Mondays so today I will make a special effort to be as miserable as the rest of you goitres.
Hey ho, here we go …
1: The Misanthropic.
(Name something - about humanity - you absolutely hate).
This week I have been mostly hating humanity's sheer trashy tastelessness and in particular the wearing of those stupid fucking trousers that stop short halfway down your shin. What the fuck do you people think you look like? Drooling fucking idiots with stumpy legs; that's what.
They are an offence against all that is good and decent in this world.
Guys: Ten years from now you will see those photos of yourselves in stupid short fucking clown trousers and sandals (SANDALS!) and shoot yourselves in the head in shame. Save time and do it now. It's a mercy killing, believe me.
And girls: These things are about as far from elegant as it is possible to get. They make even great legs look ugly. When you wear them you are saying :"Look at my dumpy, short, stupid, ugly legs. I am a moron with no sense of style whatsoever and should be shunned and not allowed out in daylight."
Just so you know.
2: The Meretricious:
(Expose someone or something that's phony, fraudulent or bogus).
Canyajustitis.
My boss is a severe sufferer from this bogus disease that affects incompetent managers.
He'll wait until after the departmental scheduling meetings (Departmental Meeting: A meeting where you go in sane but depart mental), when I am fully booked up with an insane workload for the next month, then sidle up in his pointy-headed little way and say "Can you just do this?", "Can you just do that?", "Can you just fit this little job in?" and try to fit several more crappy little jobs that he should really be doing in to my already overloaded schedule.
Bastard.
3: The Malcontent:
(Name something you're unhappy with).
The word "taupe".
That's not a proper colour. I've never seen taupe in a fucking rainbow.
Get rid of it.
Now.
4: The Meritorious.
(Give someone credit for something and name it if you can).
My neighbours, Jerry on one side and Marion and John on the other, for restocking my wine rack when all I did was feed the cats and water the plants for them. Lovely people.
5: The Mirror.
(See something good about yourself and name it).
I'm going to die one day. Woohoo!
6: The Make-Believe:
(Name something you wish for).
Sherbet flying saucers.
I can't find the little buggers anywhere these days.
15 comments:
Hey!!!!!!!!! I wear cut-off trousers, and I think I look darn cute. Cropped is the word, Dive, and with a cute pair of sandals, they can be very smart, even in daylight.
Sherbert flying saucers?
Sorry, Robyn.
Yes, you are cute, but you'd be a whole lot cuter without putting on a pair of those stupid clown trousers.
And sandals are never smart. They make you look like a member of the Caravan Club. Ick!
Sherbert flying saucers? The most wonderful thing about childhood.
Well, I'm with you on the trousers. Sandals are a gift from the heavens, though. And what's up with the flying ice cream?
OK, now you have crossed the line by insulting sandals. I'm not talking about sloppy Birkenstocks or sandals with socks. Sassy, I think we need to take the man shopping.
#1 - that stop halfway down your shin...
Except when you're a short litte tyke and then they're actually thre right length. Welcome to my life.
Where to begin, a rant worthy of cutting and pasting.
1) In the process of throwing away all mid calf cropped summer work jeans as I type. Apparently I and the rest of the planet have been told.
2)Hate the Can you justs myself. wankers.
3) LMFAO.
5) And you rant at me for number five misgivings on mondays?
Your the reason I fixed my internet problems and got back online.
Your the first thing i read every morning.
So no dying just yet thank you.
Darlin, I love your fashion sensibility. You are right on the money.
I think that the image in the mirror is common to those of us who are single and aging.
Sorry about the meme.
Cheers, FH.
Kate; you are more wonderful than words can say.
And Groover: Small is sexy. As well you know.
Sassy and Robyn: Take me shopping.
Rats. I was hoping someone would try to defend the indefensible and put a case for cropped trousers so I could hammer them with the reply I'd prepared.
In case you're curious, here it is:
Cropped trousers are ugly, ugly, and ugly all over again.
They take the perfect proportion and lithe beauty of a leg and put a visual break in a place that more or less exactly fails to please the eye.
Legs are beautiful and their length and shape should be emphasised, not chopped into visual sections that you - even without my trained designers' eye - know to be æsthetically repulsive.
They make ankles look thick and the upper leg look ungainly.
They offend my eyes and suck beauty out of the world.
Burn them all.
NOW!
They give you thick looking ankles?
Thats it I'm definately giving them up now. I have a secret fear of fat ankles.
Hee hee.
I don't think you've got anything to worry about, Kate.
We have photographic evidence proving you have gorgeous legs.
Keep posting those pics!
Have I got a pic for you then :)
Heh, I wear those trousers without any guilt, because I'm middle aged and no one is going to care how I look anyway. There are advantages to being old after all (well, apart from getting confused in the Post Office, backache, forgetting where you live etc.).
You're right, Betty.
At our age, we can wear things out of spite.
Please, Dive. Capri pants are not nearly as offensive as women over the age of 25 in short shorts or mini skirts.
As a general rule, once your thighs have been on the planet more than a quarter of a century, they no longer look good in public. Cover them.
My thighs are gorgeous, young lady!
Post a Comment