Baps And Peepees Part 1

Being the first installment of Ame, Bear and Dive "Do London".
Just why this little photoblog is titled "Baps and Peepees" will become apparent later, dear reader, as Ame takes on the British Museum and wins.

And so to Marble Arch. Yup, that's it. Ame and Bear are holed up in the Marriott just around the corner.

And here they are! Yaaaaay! Bear and Ame in Hyde Park. Shame about the shitty grey day, but at least it didn't rain.
So … and I know this is what you slavering fools want to know: Bear is a totally cool and fantastic guy and Ame … er … is actually rather lovely and doesn't speak in UPPER CASE WITH LOTS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!! Scary, but true!
Don't be downheartened, however. As the day progresses, the real Ame shines through with much rudery and many a jolly jape.

"Hey! There's a fricking fig leaf!" Ame ponders why the Duke of Wellington would have wanted a huge, muscly, naked guy just outside his window. This theme is developed later as she takes pictures of every pink cab she can find … and for some totally gay reason, London is full of pink cabs.

… And red buses … and horse poo! Okay. Let's take pictures of horse poo. Ame also takes pictures of horses and indeed a horse's ass. I can't wait 'til she posts those!

One of the day's themes: "Why is London so full of bloody statues?"
Answers on a postcard but please, not to me.

So, we've decided - as we like walking - to do London on foot … with a boaty bit in the middle.
And what more spiffy way to walk than through Hyde Park, then through Green Park, then through St.James's Park and on down to Westminster. Pretty.
Across Green Park we come across the Parasite House, looming through the trees.

Bear and Ame in Green Park.
Yes, I know it looks just like Hyde Park, but believe me, it is Green Park.

We arrive at the Parasite House to find crowds all round the gates. They are waiting for the Changing of the Guard, which is still half an hour away and stupendously boring and unspectacular. So we leave them to it.

… Although we do take pictures of them …

Yaay! Tourists! Crossing the Mall outside the Parasite House.

And on into St. James's Park, where Ame has me hunt down the now famous camellia from the snow post. and here it is, still thriving.

Westminster Abbey. Up until just after this photo, Ame had been quite astonishingly quiet and polite and "look at the lovely, well-behaved young lady" …
Then "Hey, Divey Boy! Look!" and the screen of her camera is filled with the road sign for "Broad Sanctuary" … "Bet the boys would love this one! … And don't look at me like that; I haven't even said 'penis' yet!"
Ah, that's more like it. Ame starts to wake up.

The inevitable tourist pose outside Parliament, where we discussed Oliver Cromwell and how much fun it would be to revive his cool idea of cutting off the heads of monarchs.

The Palace of Westmister Clock Tower. Coming back this way at one, Big Ben chimes the hour and Ame is disappointed, "Hey! Only one dong!"

And so we finish our first installment by boarding a boat for a trip down to Tower Bridge. Touristy, I know, but a great way to see London (at least the bits of it near the Thames).
In part two, we are introduced to the word "Bap" and from then on, there's no holding Ame back.

Whew!

Just back home (cack train broke down), so too late to blog.

Suffice to say, we had a lovely day.
Bear is such a cool guy and Ame is really lovely and not as mad as she types herself.
The photoblog will commence tomorrow.
TTFN

Calm Before The Storm

Well. I've printed out my Google map so I can find the hotel.
What else will I need?
- Camera, including batteries - Check;
- Ear protectors - Check;
- Cattle prod - Check;
- Stun grenades - Check;
- Body armour - Check;
Woohoo! I'm ready to meet Ame!

It's eerily quiet here today.
If I survive my mission, I shall start posting the pics tomorrow evening.
Wish me luck …

They're Heeeeeeeeeeere …

This just in:
" HEY GANG!!!
We're HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!
And it's NOT raining! YAY!
Got into Gatwick at 9:30 and we were at the Marriott by 11:30...took a fun taxi ride from the Victoria train station! Fast, lady driver, COOL! ;)
Just had lunch and a pint down the street at the Weatherspoon Pub...a semi-pub restaurant with really NEAT bathrooms!
DIVEY BOY! You didn't remind me that smoking was still allowed, haaaaaaaaaack! LOL!
That's ok...we sat far enough back that it didn't bother us!
OK, off to check out the double-decker bus tour times...
Kisses to everyone!
More later...WOW! 15 pounds for 24 hours of internet service! ;)
xo
I LOVE IT HERE! ;)"

Ladies and gentlemen, Ame has entered the building!
Woo and indeed Hoo!

Hey, Ame (and Bear), the sun's shining fit to bust and it's all for you guys.
I can't wait for Monday.
In fact if our trains were running over the weekend I would be heading up there right now.

10:30, Monday in the hotel lobby. I'll be the dork in the dark maroon sweater (as requested) with the stiffy-assed Brit accent.

TTFN and have a great weekend!

Duck And Cover

A very quick post as I'll be stuck all day in a departmental meeting (the sort you enter sane and depart mental).

A few shots I took on the way in to the office this morning:

A terrified London cowers in fear awaiting the onset of Hurricane Ame, due to touch down tomorrow morning.

Tower Bridge from the Wibbly Wobbly Bridge (dead Lawyer out of shot on the right).
Do click on this one. It's a typical London sunrise. I love 'em.

St. Pee's

One for Lynn. The Eye and Parliament from Temple

Enjoy.
Gotta rush!
Ame, have a safe flight. See you 10:30 Monday!
Don't panic, but are you sure you've got the tickets? And where are your passports?
Yikes!

Don't Try This At Home

My marvellous "very personal secretary", Ms. Gaijin Girl has suggested I start a regular post called "Dive's Extreme Eating" after last night's shennanigans with a bar of chocolate and a tube of wasabi paste (hey, you do what you want with your "very personal secretary" and I'll do what I want with mine) …

As I have previously posted on other inadvisable things I have put in my mouth (check out the link to "Eating Endangered Species" posts at the bottom of my sidebar … Not you, Kate!) … I felt I would share this one with you, too.

Last night, I simply smeared wasabi paste on some chocolate and stuck it in my mouth. The wasabi hit first, which was nice, but then the chocolate started to melt and …
Well … Let's just say that was something I vowed never to repeat …

Until this lunchtime, that is …
I decided to vary the experiment. Follow this recipe if you are clinically insane:


These are the basic ingredients:
1 bar of Green and Black's Organic Dark Chocolate.
1 tube of wasabi paste.

To avoid the kind of time-lapse taste explosions of last night I decided to let a piece of the chocolate dissolve on my tongue first, and only then follow it with a further - and larger - piece, liberally dosed with wasabi paste.

Take it from one who knows …
This is something only an imbecile would try once.
Only my love for my fellow bloggers and the interests of culinary science induced me to repeat the excercise.

What I WILL say is this:
The aftertaste is fucking AMAZING!
The taste itself is, however, decidedly not.
Suffice to say, wasabi paste on dark chocolate is probably the most unpleasant thing I have ever had in my mouth (and believe me; a whole lot of strange things have passed that way).

So this is the first in what will be an occasional series of Dive's Extreme Eating. Starring Dive and his lovely assistant, GG.
Coming soon to a cable channel near you.

It's Raining Men

Oops!
I left the lid off Mister Ranty's box last night and he sneaked out to laugh about this:

That's Liverpool Street Station across the street. This was taken on my way home yesterday. Mister Ranty caught sight of the Evening Standard headline and got a fit of the giggles.
I mean "Lawyer Jumps 80 Ft to Death"? That's almost as good as if it were someone working in insurance!
And it wasn't just funny, it was ART. He did it by jumping off one of the galleries in Tate Modern. Woohoo! That must have been fun. Even quicker than coming down their big slides!

Rather selfishly though, he just jumped.
BANG!
Hit the floor.
That upset a lot of people. You know: shock and shrieking and stuff.
If only he'd stood up on the balcony and yelled out that he was a lawyer.
Then everyone could have formed a semi-circle and clapped and cheered as he fell. These fucking lawyers never take people's feelings into account. He made everyone miserable when - with a simple selfless act of yelling "Hey, everyone! I'm gonna jump! And I'm a Lawyer!", he could have cheered everyone up.
Oh well. One more dead lawyer. Perhaps that's why the sun's shining today. Hey ho …

Um … If any of you are lawyers (and I'm looking specifically in the direction of Seattle here), there's a job going in London if you want it.

Swearfest

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Not Bloody London Again

Message for Ame:
The sun has got his hat on
Hip hip hip hooray!
The sun has got his hat on
And he's coming out to play.

These were taken on my way in to work this morning, Ame. I'm keeping all my crossable bits crossed that you get this weather next week, too.

Old Father Thames says "Hi"
(Click on the pics to give Dive a stiffy)

Big Bennie says "BONG!"

Boudicca says "This is the only way to visit London, Ame … Charge in on your chariot and burn the city to the ground"

Er … Well, our Norfolk girls have that kind of reputation. Boudicca lived just down the road from my village and things haven't changed much in two thousand years.

Westminster Abbey says "Groan … Not more fucking tourists."

'Fraid so … But hey! It's Ame and her hub, so be on your best behaviour (because SHE certainly won't be)!

So there you go. Happy London. Happy Dive.
Especially happy because no sooner had I finished my latte and croissant than Spring came round laden with dumplings and egg rolls and other yummy goodies. It's the Year of the Boar on Saturday and as she'll be out of the office for the rest of the week she brought round the goodies early.
Yum!

So 祝 大 家 新 年 快 乐 for Saturday！(Especially to the lovely Mister Dick Headley for his advice on Mandarin).

Monday Melee, Take 3

It's a cold and rainy Monday in Olde London Town, but I'm the man who loves Mondays and I'm feeling kinda bouncy this morning, so look out!

Time for the regular wrestle with Fracas Monday Melee.

1: The Misanthropic.
(Name something - about humanity - you absolutely hate).
This week I have been mostly hating humanity's inability to provide the perfect latte and the perfect croissant in the same shop at the same time.

2: The Meretricious:
(Expose someone or something that's phony, fraudulent or bogus).
I know it's like shooting fish in a barrel, but this one goes out to our old favourite, George Dubya for his increasingly insane attempt to stick the next administration with an illegal and un-winnable war with Iran.

3: The Malcontent:
(Name something you're unhappy with).
Amazon's lamentable inability to track down a copy of Kanda Bongo Man's "Amour Fou" on CD after six months of trying. Looks like I'm going to have to digitise my old vinyl copy. Oh, the ignominy …

4: The Meritorious.
(Give someone credit for something and name it if you can).
This morning, I raise my Cuba Solidarity Campaign coffee mug to the first person who left the seeds of the coffee tree too close to the fire and thought "Mmm! That smells good! I think I'll crush 'em up with this rock then put 'em in some hot water".

5: The Mirror.
(See something good about yourself and name it).
I'm feeling particularly perky this morning.

6: The Make-Believe:
(Name something you wish for).
Something very private and very rude.