Whatever you do, make sure you never stand about a hundred yards away from me. It's historically a pretty dangerous place to be.
Yesterday afternoon I was outside St.James's Park tube station when a building collapsed a hundred yards away. I swear I never touched it.
The traffic was so heavy that I didn't even notice it. I knew nothing about it until I got home and saw it on the news.
This morning, inevitably the gutter press were screaming about "Terror In Westminster" and people thinking it was "9/11 all over again" (I don't know what drugs they take in newspaper offices but they're pretty fucking hallucinogenic).
And the July 7th bomb at Aldgate went off on the train right behind me. I didn't notice that either (can you see a pattern emerging here?) … There was just a big bang and all the lights went out and we waited to get walked to the next platform.
Whatever people have said about it since, at the time everybody just shrugged our shoulders and thought "Hey, ho. Just another fucking day on the tube".
I walked the rest of the way to the office and checked the tube website to find an announcement of a power failure. It wasn't until my brother called a couple of hours later to see if I was alive that anyone in the office knew about the bombs.
Then the scary Church of Cult Sex burned down when I was supposed to be there, fornicating with the lovely Emma …
So it appears I am a walking disaster area. Or at least the area around where I'm walking is …
I think perhaps Kate, the Groover and Monsieur Benaut are at minimum safe distance from me but the rest of you better watch out.
If anybody's thinking of "doing an Ame" and visiting London this summer, bring a hard hat and some protective clothing with you.
Meantime I'm thinking of hiring myself out to the military.
18 comments:
Come on dive, your johnny on the spot for this, where's the pics? Not even a snoopy snap on your phone?
Details. Which building? Was it ugly and therefore an improvement falling down? Was it just tired or did its sandshoe blow out?
Actually you seem to be one step ahead of disaster so when I come to London I want a piggy back. Safest spot to be really.
Kate, I don't have a mobile phone and never will.
And like I said, I didn't even notice it, though apparently the newsmen down at Docklands (miles and miles away) felt it like an earthquake … HA!).
My back is yours to piggy.
I wish I could do an Ame, but alas...
Don't you have some kind of connection to poison, too? Perhaps you have a superpower.
Ah, the sushi business; I'd forgotten about that.
As for superpowers, Sassy, you know about my power for good (the sock thing); perhaps you're right and I am also an evil nemesis! Cool! I'll go off into a corner and practice my "world domination cackle" then go and stand a hundred yards away from Dubbya.
WOW!
Buildings going down...bombs in the hole...and Sassy wanting to DO me!
Why the F have I been away SOOOOOOO LOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!
Divey Boy you're too MUCH!
I'm going hard hat shopping today!
HI MUM...I simply HAVE to get into your blog and COMMENT!
OK! Gotta go check a ticking noise in the garage...wish me luck...I hope your affliction hasn't SPREAD DB!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!
=)))
XO
PS: Anyone know what I just said?!? Please fill me IN!
PS: Can't wait to read the "CofCS" story but I have to go take a leak first!!!
Ooooh … The Church of Cult Sex story is a doozy, Ame.
And I think Santa Clara is out of my blast radius so you're safe for now.
It sounds like you're prettty good at dogeing bullets dive. Like Sassy mentioned the poison thing you were next in line were you not?
All sounds pretty quiet and normal to me, mate.
Here in Aldgate, South Oz, someone farted the other day.
Probably hit the newspapers.
And yes, as the lady asked, "Where are the pics?" mate.
Perhaps I could provide you with a short list of people to stand next to in your spare time...
Who are you, Peter Sellers?
So are you the shifty type that is always seen to be leaving the scene just as the disaster happens? Will there be a warrant out for you soon?
Dive, could I talk you into coming to the states and standing as close to our president as you can?
Or maybe you could at least stand next to Condy Rice or Dick Cheney?
My racist brother in law?
That guy at work who keeps calling me "pretty mama."
The mother of a friend of Liv's who called to ask me if I kept "lesbian sex toys" in my house before she let her daughter come over to play with Liv. (I told her no...said we just kept guns...that shut her up.)
Joking hun, pics taken on mobile phones are strictly for angst ridden teenagers on my space.
Angst ridden middle aged people like us (and yes its a compliment considering the state of young people these days)make phone calls with their phones and taken pictures with their nikons.
When i brought my last mobile phone (strictly for work purposes) they asked me what i'd like to get from my mobile. Strangely enough I just wanted to make calls on it.
Ame said:
WOW!
Buildings going down...bombs in the hole...and Sassy wanting to DO me!
Now I would pay good money to see that Ame
You are the antichrist.I only need 100 yds to get you with my holy water filled bullets.
Hey, Dive,
I have been looking all over the joint, trying to find a reference to road grader races in Oz.
As this IS Oz, then you can be sure that we have 'em.
Maybe someone in the audience has a clue. Meantime, I'll keep researching.
Who, out there knows ?
LOL Dive! Actually late seventies i felt the same. Everywhere i went i seemed to be near a bomb, the Iranian Siege; just round the corner. The Swiss thingummy, yep saw all the bats exit the buildings and spent the rest of the day opening and shutting my mouth to get my hearing back, i won't bore you with more, but thankfully you and i are here to tell the tale, which is more than can be said for a lot of unfortunate people on those days.... :(
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