Stupid things to do on a wednesday, no.1:
Follow these instructions:
Having eaten nothing but pain for four days (that's the hurty thing, not French bread), and having not slept at all for four nights, get sick of being sick, drag your stinking carcass out of bed in the middle of the night, suffer a three and a half hour commute in the pissing rain, dash headlong across London, grab your usual organic fairtrade latte from the Brazilian deli, take off coat, drink coffee, look very confused, turn white and pass out on the floor.
Wake up in a shivering caffeine frenzy with a fucking great lump on the back of your head.
Drink lots of water and eat toast. Feel like a dork.
Your boss will not think you heroic for struggling into work; he will tell you that you are stupid.
That's today so far. Still shaking and twitchy. My head hurts.
Don't try this at home (or at work).
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The Book Of Lego
Many and copious thanks to Peahen for putting all of this Godbothering into perspective.
She has just sent me this link.
I particularly like the little story under "Sexual Discharges".
And Oh, Boy! Leviticus 18:23 … (under "Bestiality") …
Go there and be enlightened.
She has just sent me this link.
I particularly like the little story under "Sexual Discharges".
And Oh, Boy! Leviticus 18:23 … (under "Bestiality") …
Go there and be enlightened.
Dogmatic Intolerance
Carrying on from Naked Starfish Buttocks, THIS is funny, but very very scary.
(includes the phrases:
103 uses of the most foul of the foul words;
promotion of being gay;
adults in underwear;
suggestive eye movement;
Catholicism promotion of plenary indulgence;
"We went through five Adams before we figured that one out."
"It's too big." ... "That's what Jesus said.").
And this; their scary justification for judging others:
As a FEW examples of His desire for us to judge:
Job 34:4 Let us discern [judge] (No, sonny; that's "Discern", not "Judge" … try looking it up in a dictionary) for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good. Prov. 3:21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. Jer. 22:3 Thus saith the LORD; Execute ye judgment and righteousness... Phil. 1:10 so that you may be able to discern [judge](see note above, you dork) what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ... Phil. 1:7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you [judge you]... (my emphasis) Heb. 5:14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern [judge](he's at it again) both good and evil.
What? … I mean WHAT? …
Sorry guys, but try "Judge not, lest ye be judged thyself*", (and judged to be wankers).
Don't just pick sentences out of the Old Testament and use them out of context to justify your perverse fear of reality.
Go read the Beatitudes. That's God's Word.
*Life of Brian.
Apologies for rambling.
Still too bleurgh to post properly. I'll try again later.
(includes the phrases:
103 uses of the most foul of the foul words;
promotion of being gay;
adults in underwear;
suggestive eye movement;
Catholicism promotion of plenary indulgence;
"We went through five Adams before we figured that one out."
"It's too big." ... "That's what Jesus said.").
And this; their scary justification for judging others:
What? … I mean WHAT? …
Sorry guys, but try "Judge not, lest ye be judged thyself*", (and judged to be wankers).
Don't just pick sentences out of the Old Testament and use them out of context to justify your perverse fear of reality.
Go read the Beatitudes. That's God's Word.
*Life of Brian.
Apologies for rambling.
Still too bleurgh to post properly. I'll try again later.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Bleurgh
Still bedridden.
Just crawled into the studio on the way back from filling my water jug, to see who's about.
Someone has filled my sinuses with molten lead and is beating my face with a sledgehammer. And I still have a shivery fever. It's been forty-eight hours now, so it must stop soon (please) …
Hopefully I'll be back to normal tomorrow …
Just crawled into the studio on the way back from filling my water jug, to see who's about.
Someone has filled my sinuses with molten lead and is beating my face with a sledgehammer. And I still have a shivery fever. It's been forty-eight hours now, so it must stop soon (please) …
Hopefully I'll be back to normal tomorrow …
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Naked Starfish Buttocks
Oh me, oh my.
Just pop on over to Cakey's site and check this out!
Many apologies to Han for nicking this, but I think we've got us a new game to play, girls and boys.
It's a website for "concerned parents" that strips film reviews down to simply ratings for sex, nudity, violence, gore and profanity.
This is even better than Joe Bob Briggs with his "Tit counts" and "Heads will roll".
I'll start you off with an easy one:
Guess The Film.
SEX/NUDITY 9 - There's hardly any nudity, but there are several very explicit discussions of sex, and, most importantly, a man is shown being raped by another man. A couple kiss while in bed, and oral sex is referred to and implied. A man is shown nude from the side (we see his derriere from the side and a hint of pubic hair).
VIOLENCE/GORE 10 - Several people are shot, some repeatedly, some at close range (heads, arms and groins are the main targets). Most deaths are accompanied by a lot of blood and gore. One man is slashed and stabbed with a samurai sword, but the most graphic incident takes place when a man is shot in the head, while sitting in a car. We see an explosion of blood and the car, as well as the passengers are shown covered with bloody brain matter. The resulting bloody mess actually becomes a story subplot, as the killers try to clean the car. The result is that the camera lingers on the gory details for a very long time. A woman overdoses on heroin and she is seen with a very bloody nose and foaming from the mouth. A man slams a very large needle into her chest, and she's shown sitting up with the needle sticking out. A man is raped, and we both see him and hear screaming. A few punches. A man injects himself in the arm with a syringe filled with heroin; we see the long needle pierce his skin and watch as his blood rises up and swirls around in the syringe (the camera focuses on the syringe for a while).
Or how about this one?
SEX/NUDITY 7 - A brief glimpse of several men's private parts: we see testicles, testicles and penises, and anuses; while we see patches of flesh, nothing is discernible in its entirety. Men are bare-chested in many scenes, and one man appears in a thong several times exposing his buttocks (we linger on the man's private parts in a couple of scenes). A man tears off his pants and jacket and dances around in a thong and bow tie in a few scenes. A man's pants tear and we see his bare buttocks a couple of times. Two female blow up dolls (one with very large breasts) are used as props in a stunt (nothing sexual is involved). Two men run through streets wearing just sumo belts. A man tears another man's diaper off (we see his bare buttocks). A man gets out of a hot tub in his underwear, which become transparent and we see his buttocks. Two men pretend to be masturbating with sea cucumbers and the cucumbers spray out a white liquid. Two men rub against a whale suggestively. A man is dressed in a penis-shaped suit.
VIOLENCE/GORE 7 - A couple of men punch each other in the head, neck and chest as they roll down a street in a huge shopping cart, while being pummeled by dust and debris from explosions on both sides of them. They end up crashing and get tossed into a street-vendor's cart. Cars crash into each other repeatedly, one is sandwiched between four other cars and eventually one ends up driving over another one and it catches on fire. A man rides a skateboard down a bowling alley and into the pins, then he does it again and other people roll bowling balls after him -- he gets hit by a few. Bare-chested men sit in a room attaching a electrical muscle stimulator to various body parts: cheeks, chest, testicles (we get a glimpse), anus (we get a glimpse of testicles and penis); they scream in pain each time the machine is turned on. Golf carts are driven into animal figurines breaking them, some carts crash into hills and turn over, some crash into each other, one flips over and a man is trapped underneath. A man tries to break a block of wood with his head (we hear the thud). A baby alligator bites a man's nipple and we see the teeth marks after he is removed. A man in a jock strap walks across a rope over a pool full of alligators, a raw chicken hanging from the strap, alligators snap, he falls into the pool, an alligator grabs the chicken, and the man runs out of pool and is nearly grabbed by another alligator. Fireworks are set off in the bedroom of a man and woman who are sound asleep, then they go off in a man's car. Men race and crash wheelchair carts through streets in a few scenes, and one time a man rides into an intersection and pretends to fall asleep. A man confronts a man who is shoplifting from his store and shoves him out the door. A man sits on a toilet in a store display and defecates (we hear him grunting and we see the result). A man flatulates and has a bowel movement in his pants: we see the dirtied underwear and watch a man vomit after witnessing it. A running gag has a man sneaking up behind other men and shaving patches off their hair. A man in his underwear crawls through a room-full of mousetraps and they snapped all over his body (we see welts and hear him yelling). A man jumps off a tree limb in a pair of underwear attached to a bungee cord: on one occasion, the underwear tears, and on another, the man dangles upside down (the underwear is stained with blood and feces). A man is shot in the stomach with a projectile beanbag, he is hit, falls down moaning and we see a welt and bruise later. A man gets under a large traffic cone and walks through busy streets somewhere in Japan; he stops at the down escalator in a crowded subway terminal backing up the line of people coming down. A man and a woman box: she hits him several times in the face and we see his bloody mouth. A man pole vaults onto palm trees, onto a table full of food, into a drainage ditch (we see a dead cat floating in the water), onto a volleyball net and off a pier into water below. A man is hit hard by a shopping cart. Several men dressed in panda bear suits do stunts: they tackle each other, pile on each other, and knock into things. A man tries to run on rocket skates, but he falls repeatedly. Men on roller-skates are thrown around in the back of a truck, as it drives around a parking lot. A man snorts wasabi through a straw and vomits almost instantly. A man is hit in the crotch with a mallet. A man jumps on a trampoline and runs into a ceiling fan, breaking a light bulb and crashing into the wall. A woman is frightened when she finds an alligator in the kitchen. A man skateboards down a railing and crashes onto the ground. A man gets paper cuts on the webbing between his toes and fingers (we see bloody wounds, hear the paper cutting the flesh and hear him yelling) and another man gets paper cut on the sides of his mouth and his nose (a man vomits after watching). Three men skateboard and bike on a ramp and they each fall a few times, and one crashes into a wall. We watch a few boxing matches, each ending with a knockout. We watch as a professional boxer beats up a man in a department store: The man ends up in the hospital, having to get stitches in his head -- which we see. Two men put tiny shrimp in their pants (we see their private parts; please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details) and go into the sea with whale sharks who try to eat the shrimp right out of their pants. A man is knocked over by a wall of water a few times. A man gets a tattoo while doing off-road driving (we see many bloody puncture marks on his arm). A man puts a bottle rocket in his anus and lights it off a couple of times and another man ties a bottle rocket to his penis and sets it off. A man falls into a cactus. A man urinates on a snow cone, then eats it and vomits almost immediately. A man kicks himself in the head. We see a man sit down to use the bathroom and another man comes into the room and pounds on him. A man throws a golf club into trees where two men are hiding, then drives golf balls toward them. A mountain lion bats at a man in a mouse costume. Two men fall through a ceiling pretending to be robbers. A man puts a toy car into his anus: we see him get an X-ray and then later we see the car after he has had a bowel movement. A man is shot from a catapult into water, and a man is caned on the bare buttocks. We watch a man urinate in his underwear (it trickles out). A crab bites a man's finger and he yells in pain. We see men being hit with debris from an explosion, one is thrown into the air, two run in front of a truck and are hit: we see blood on the windshield, a body rolling under the tires and a head coming out from under the truck (this sequence is done with dummies and very fake blood). A tiger jumps on a man and appears to be biting his neck.
Too easy, I know. Some of the reviews of kids' movies are the funniest of all. Check out Han's piece for an hilarious review of Spongebob Squarepants The Movie.
The best bit is picturing these dorks sitting in front of their TVs with their fingers on the pause and replay buttons, scribbling all this stuff down. Talk about sick!
Just pop on over to Cakey's site and check this out!
Many apologies to Han for nicking this, but I think we've got us a new game to play, girls and boys.
It's a website for "concerned parents" that strips film reviews down to simply ratings for sex, nudity, violence, gore and profanity.
This is even better than Joe Bob Briggs with his "Tit counts" and "Heads will roll".
I'll start you off with an easy one:
Guess The Film.
SEX/NUDITY 9 - There's hardly any nudity, but there are several very explicit discussions of sex, and, most importantly, a man is shown being raped by another man. A couple kiss while in bed, and oral sex is referred to and implied. A man is shown nude from the side (we see his derriere from the side and a hint of pubic hair).
VIOLENCE/GORE 10 - Several people are shot, some repeatedly, some at close range (heads, arms and groins are the main targets). Most deaths are accompanied by a lot of blood and gore. One man is slashed and stabbed with a samurai sword, but the most graphic incident takes place when a man is shot in the head, while sitting in a car. We see an explosion of blood and the car, as well as the passengers are shown covered with bloody brain matter. The resulting bloody mess actually becomes a story subplot, as the killers try to clean the car. The result is that the camera lingers on the gory details for a very long time. A woman overdoses on heroin and she is seen with a very bloody nose and foaming from the mouth. A man slams a very large needle into her chest, and she's shown sitting up with the needle sticking out. A man is raped, and we both see him and hear screaming. A few punches. A man injects himself in the arm with a syringe filled with heroin; we see the long needle pierce his skin and watch as his blood rises up and swirls around in the syringe (the camera focuses on the syringe for a while).
Or how about this one?
SEX/NUDITY 7 - A brief glimpse of several men's private parts: we see testicles, testicles and penises, and anuses; while we see patches of flesh, nothing is discernible in its entirety. Men are bare-chested in many scenes, and one man appears in a thong several times exposing his buttocks (we linger on the man's private parts in a couple of scenes). A man tears off his pants and jacket and dances around in a thong and bow tie in a few scenes. A man's pants tear and we see his bare buttocks a couple of times. Two female blow up dolls (one with very large breasts) are used as props in a stunt (nothing sexual is involved). Two men run through streets wearing just sumo belts. A man tears another man's diaper off (we see his bare buttocks). A man gets out of a hot tub in his underwear, which become transparent and we see his buttocks. Two men pretend to be masturbating with sea cucumbers and the cucumbers spray out a white liquid. Two men rub against a whale suggestively. A man is dressed in a penis-shaped suit.
VIOLENCE/GORE 7 - A couple of men punch each other in the head, neck and chest as they roll down a street in a huge shopping cart, while being pummeled by dust and debris from explosions on both sides of them. They end up crashing and get tossed into a street-vendor's cart. Cars crash into each other repeatedly, one is sandwiched between four other cars and eventually one ends up driving over another one and it catches on fire. A man rides a skateboard down a bowling alley and into the pins, then he does it again and other people roll bowling balls after him -- he gets hit by a few. Bare-chested men sit in a room attaching a electrical muscle stimulator to various body parts: cheeks, chest, testicles (we get a glimpse), anus (we get a glimpse of testicles and penis); they scream in pain each time the machine is turned on. Golf carts are driven into animal figurines breaking them, some carts crash into hills and turn over, some crash into each other, one flips over and a man is trapped underneath. A man tries to break a block of wood with his head (we hear the thud). A baby alligator bites a man's nipple and we see the teeth marks after he is removed. A man in a jock strap walks across a rope over a pool full of alligators, a raw chicken hanging from the strap, alligators snap, he falls into the pool, an alligator grabs the chicken, and the man runs out of pool and is nearly grabbed by another alligator. Fireworks are set off in the bedroom of a man and woman who are sound asleep, then they go off in a man's car. Men race and crash wheelchair carts through streets in a few scenes, and one time a man rides into an intersection and pretends to fall asleep. A man confronts a man who is shoplifting from his store and shoves him out the door. A man sits on a toilet in a store display and defecates (we hear him grunting and we see the result). A man flatulates and has a bowel movement in his pants: we see the dirtied underwear and watch a man vomit after witnessing it. A running gag has a man sneaking up behind other men and shaving patches off their hair. A man in his underwear crawls through a room-full of mousetraps and they snapped all over his body (we see welts and hear him yelling). A man jumps off a tree limb in a pair of underwear attached to a bungee cord: on one occasion, the underwear tears, and on another, the man dangles upside down (the underwear is stained with blood and feces). A man is shot in the stomach with a projectile beanbag, he is hit, falls down moaning and we see a welt and bruise later. A man gets under a large traffic cone and walks through busy streets somewhere in Japan; he stops at the down escalator in a crowded subway terminal backing up the line of people coming down. A man and a woman box: she hits him several times in the face and we see his bloody mouth. A man pole vaults onto palm trees, onto a table full of food, into a drainage ditch (we see a dead cat floating in the water), onto a volleyball net and off a pier into water below. A man is hit hard by a shopping cart. Several men dressed in panda bear suits do stunts: they tackle each other, pile on each other, and knock into things. A man tries to run on rocket skates, but he falls repeatedly. Men on roller-skates are thrown around in the back of a truck, as it drives around a parking lot. A man snorts wasabi through a straw and vomits almost instantly. A man is hit in the crotch with a mallet. A man jumps on a trampoline and runs into a ceiling fan, breaking a light bulb and crashing into the wall. A woman is frightened when she finds an alligator in the kitchen. A man skateboards down a railing and crashes onto the ground. A man gets paper cuts on the webbing between his toes and fingers (we see bloody wounds, hear the paper cutting the flesh and hear him yelling) and another man gets paper cut on the sides of his mouth and his nose (a man vomits after watching). Three men skateboard and bike on a ramp and they each fall a few times, and one crashes into a wall. We watch a few boxing matches, each ending with a knockout. We watch as a professional boxer beats up a man in a department store: The man ends up in the hospital, having to get stitches in his head -- which we see. Two men put tiny shrimp in their pants (we see their private parts; please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details) and go into the sea with whale sharks who try to eat the shrimp right out of their pants. A man is knocked over by a wall of water a few times. A man gets a tattoo while doing off-road driving (we see many bloody puncture marks on his arm). A man puts a bottle rocket in his anus and lights it off a couple of times and another man ties a bottle rocket to his penis and sets it off. A man falls into a cactus. A man urinates on a snow cone, then eats it and vomits almost immediately. A man kicks himself in the head. We see a man sit down to use the bathroom and another man comes into the room and pounds on him. A man throws a golf club into trees where two men are hiding, then drives golf balls toward them. A mountain lion bats at a man in a mouse costume. Two men fall through a ceiling pretending to be robbers. A man puts a toy car into his anus: we see him get an X-ray and then later we see the car after he has had a bowel movement. A man is shot from a catapult into water, and a man is caned on the bare buttocks. We watch a man urinate in his underwear (it trickles out). A crab bites a man's finger and he yells in pain. We see men being hit with debris from an explosion, one is thrown into the air, two run in front of a truck and are hit: we see blood on the windshield, a body rolling under the tires and a head coming out from under the truck (this sequence is done with dummies and very fake blood). A tiger jumps on a man and appears to be biting his neck.
Too easy, I know. Some of the reviews of kids' movies are the funniest of all. Check out Han's piece for an hilarious review of Spongebob Squarepants The Movie.
The best bit is picturing these dorks sitting in front of their TVs with their fingers on the pause and replay buttons, scribbling all this stuff down. Talk about sick!
Whingeing Git
I know, I know …
When a woman gets a flu-ey bug, she just goes "tishoo" very sweetly then gets on with her life.
When a man gets a slight chill, its's an agonising and terminal disease.
Well it is … Moan, moan, moan …
And this isn't some desperate excuse to get out of Ms. Mac and Robyn's "record your accent" game; though the sound of feeble croaking isn't how I normally sound.
Cough … hack … bleargh …
The band are going to hate me because they'll all be going down with this over the next few days. At least they'll get time off work; I'm just losing my weekend. Bah!
Moan … groan … buggrit and arse.
And my head is killing me …
I'm going back to bed …
When a woman gets a flu-ey bug, she just goes "tishoo" very sweetly then gets on with her life.
When a man gets a slight chill, its's an agonising and terminal disease.
Well it is … Moan, moan, moan …
And this isn't some desperate excuse to get out of Ms. Mac and Robyn's "record your accent" game; though the sound of feeble croaking isn't how I normally sound.
Cough … hack … bleargh …
The band are going to hate me because they'll all be going down with this over the next few days. At least they'll get time off work; I'm just losing my weekend. Bah!
Moan … groan … buggrit and arse.
And my head is killing me …
I'm going back to bed …
Party Like It's £19.99
Some ugly, sweaty, fat, balding fucker, partying for the Revolution.The woman dressed like an Australian's nightmare is Jann. I won't use male sax players any more as they get all the girls. Bastards …
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The "Tasks Of Robyn" Return
Many hoorahs for the return of Robyn's tasks.
Today, it is the classic Book Meme:
1. grab the nearest book. no cheating! the nearest book.
2. open the book to page 123.
3. find the fifth sentence
4. post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. don't you dare dig for a cool or intellectual book on your shelf. pick out whatever is closest!
Righto!
Sorry, Robyn, but the nearest book, perched on top of the usual pile next to my computers (consisting of Roget's Thesaurus; A Dictionary of Classical & Foreign Words & Phrases; The Oxford Dictionary For Writers And Editors; The Oxford English Grammar and the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations - pedant that I am) happens to be Richard Gott's "Cuba. A New History", which I just used for checking the Spanish spellings in my last post and haven't yet put back in its anally retentive slot in my library.
So … p.123; sentences 6,7,8 & 9:
The so-called 'Morúa Law' was put forward by the reformist black senator, who claimed that since Estenoz's party represented only the interests of black Cubans, it would inevitably discriminate against whites - which would violate the constitution. The Independent Party of Colour was banned.
Estenoz had two possible courses of action. He could make common cause with José Miguel Gómez and try to persuade him, given the size of the potential vote his black supporters would normally supply to the Liberals, to lift the ban and provide them with secure jobs.
… Aha!
That's your requisite four sentences over and done with.
Left you hanging a bit, didn't they?
Wouldn't you just like to know what Estenoz's second course of action might be?
Eh?
No?
Well bugger you; I'm going to tell you anyway:
Your bonus fifth sentence is:
Alternatively, he could play the Platt Amendment card and make fresh overtures to the United States, the self-appointed guarantor of Cuban liberties.
So there you go. If you want to read further (and it's a great book), you can order a copy from Cuba Connect's bookshop, along with many of Fidel's greatest (and longest) speeches. And yes, I have copies of them; you should know me that well by now …
So many thanks to Robyn for returning her tasks to us. Now let's see what the rest of you have as a "nearest book to hand" … and NO CHEATING!
Today, it is the classic Book Meme:
1. grab the nearest book. no cheating! the nearest book.
2. open the book to page 123.
3. find the fifth sentence
4. post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. don't you dare dig for a cool or intellectual book on your shelf. pick out whatever is closest!
Righto!
Sorry, Robyn, but the nearest book, perched on top of the usual pile next to my computers (consisting of Roget's Thesaurus; A Dictionary of Classical & Foreign Words & Phrases; The Oxford Dictionary For Writers And Editors; The Oxford English Grammar and the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations - pedant that I am) happens to be Richard Gott's "Cuba. A New History", which I just used for checking the Spanish spellings in my last post and haven't yet put back in its anally retentive slot in my library.
So … p.123; sentences 6,7,8 & 9:
The so-called 'Morúa Law' was put forward by the reformist black senator, who claimed that since Estenoz's party represented only the interests of black Cubans, it would inevitably discriminate against whites - which would violate the constitution. The Independent Party of Colour was banned.
Estenoz had two possible courses of action. He could make common cause with José Miguel Gómez and try to persuade him, given the size of the potential vote his black supporters would normally supply to the Liberals, to lift the ban and provide them with secure jobs.
… Aha!
That's your requisite four sentences over and done with.
Left you hanging a bit, didn't they?
Wouldn't you just like to know what Estenoz's second course of action might be?
Eh?
No?
Well bugger you; I'm going to tell you anyway:
Your bonus fifth sentence is:
Alternatively, he could play the Platt Amendment card and make fresh overtures to the United States, the self-appointed guarantor of Cuban liberties.
So there you go. If you want to read further (and it's a great book), you can order a copy from Cuba Connect's bookshop, along with many of Fidel's greatest (and longest) speeches. And yes, I have copies of them; you should know me that well by now …
So many thanks to Robyn for returning her tasks to us. Now let's see what the rest of you have as a "nearest book to hand" … and NO CHEATING!
Non-Lefties Can Skip This One
An old Marxist writes:
Fifty years ago today this yacht el Granma (since restored, but then leaky and knackered) grounded on a reef south of Playa Las Coronadas and discharged a motley and badly prepared crew of eighty-two revolutionaries, including Fidel Castro.
After being shot to shit for a bit by US backed dictator Batista's army and air force, the survivors headed up into the Sierra Maestra to meet their waiting comrades.
So started the Cuban Revolution.
Che, Raul and Fidel; three splendid examples of the revolutionary moustache
For most of the following fifty years, the US has done its utmost to wreck the lives of the Cuban people and tried many hundreds of times to murder their leader.
The Revolution has outlived nine US presidents and hopefully, his health permitting, Fidel will cling on into double figures.
I had intended to write a long and probably unreadably boring polemic on the subject, but instead I will restrict myself to four words.
"Fuck America. Let's Party!"
!Hasta La Victoria Siempre!
Fifty years ago today this yacht el Granma (since restored, but then leaky and knackered) grounded on a reef south of Playa Las Coronadas and discharged a motley and badly prepared crew of eighty-two revolutionaries, including Fidel Castro.
After being shot to shit for a bit by US backed dictator Batista's army and air force, the survivors headed up into the Sierra Maestra to meet their waiting comrades.
So started the Cuban Revolution.
Che, Raul and Fidel; three splendid examples of the revolutionary moustacheFor most of the following fifty years, the US has done its utmost to wreck the lives of the Cuban people and tried many hundreds of times to murder their leader.
The Revolution has outlived nine US presidents and hopefully, his health permitting, Fidel will cling on into double figures.
I had intended to write a long and probably unreadably boring polemic on the subject, but instead I will restrict myself to four words.
"Fuck America. Let's Party!"
!Hasta La Victoria Siempre!
Friday, December 01, 2006
I'm Glad That You Are An Ocean Away
Sassy's comment to yesterday's post ("Nice legs, Dive") got me thinking …
(a) Yes, I do have nice legs and,
(b) Taking quotes out of context is fun.
Sooo … A furtive delve inside my bag of old comments gives a splendid opportunity to psychoanalyse you, my lovely readers and blogpals by taking snippets out of context.
Robyn is of course exempt from the "big one". I shall refrain from quoting that particular Nudsenesque nugget as we all know it only too well …
Unsurprisingly, the most fecund source of quotable dodginess is that most slippery of Freudians, Little Sassy Schmoozer.
It was the Schmooze Queen herself who provided my very favourite putdown, "I'm glad that you are an ocean away"; something women have been struggling to tell me all my life, though never so elegantly and usually with added profanity or physical violence … Ah me …
So without further ado, let us launch ourselves down the slippery slope of self-analysis.
Here, in no particular order, are some of the things you lot have written to me:
Let's start with the youngest: Taihae:
"I AM NOT REPRESENTED BY MY PRESIDENT!" Admirable, but not quite smutty enough for this post …
"Google is my dear and glorious anal penetrator." That's more like it.
"Methinks dive needs to get laid." Spot on, young Tai.
The Other Girl (The Cat In The Hat In Seattle) writes, somewhat confusingly:
"Reeking pismire." and
"Yah Mo Be There." … Quite …
Adair of the dark honey eyes writes:
"Share your gooey goodies with me. :)" Now that's the kind of comment I like …
Dod chips in with "Old nun's twat" but that's hardly surprising …
Old Knudsen in his infinite wisdom:
"God is a woman?" Yup, 'fraid so …
and surprisingly
"I want to hang around with you so I can become cool by association."
but not so surprisingly
"Natalie Portman makes me feel like a pedo"
and
"Dive is thinking about anal sex when reading my blog?" Right again, Old K.
Peahen contributes:
"Gargoyles rude bits".
and
"What a load of squit!"
but also
"I promise that next time I see you I'll be wearing stripey tights."
(and she was) …
Rich gives away his (and my) age:
"Rebel Rebel and Bowie never gets old!"
And as for Robyn:
"Holy crap!" (that was from an email, but something I never thought I'd hear from her).
"You have to go through INTERCOURSE to get to PARADISE and BLUE BALLS is just on the other side." Oh, you Americans and your lovely ways with naming towns …
and
"Also, exactly what does "twat" mean, so I don't use it if I shouldn't :)
Ooooohhhhhh, I get it. I'll be careful with that word. :)
Where's that British dictionary? Now I have to look up "tossers.""
And finally, Sassy leaves herself wide open to misinterpretation with:
"Fuck the opera house!" Something I've yet to try.
"There's something about fat in lycra." Indeed there is …
"Hee hee. Wow. Freud would have a thing or two to say. :)" You are his favourite slipper …
"Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. I think that's all I can say for now. Oh my."
"I seem to have my naughty bits down cold." Brrr …
"Hee hee hee. Oh, hee hee hee. I don't really understand it, hee hee. So you squeeze his willy, and it comes out of his mouth? I don't understand. Hee hee hee hee … Oh, oh, and the BUTT PLUG???? Eeeeeewwww." This is what comes of online dating, young Sassy …
"Nice privy."
"Cute pig, and great Arsehole." Thanks.
All I can say is keep up the good work.
If anyone feels they've been under-represented, it's probably because you've been too prudent with your comments. Learn from this.
I appreciate I'm leaving myself wide open for a counterattack here, but after November's NaBloPoMo onslaught, I really couldn't think of anything else to write so I let you write this one yourselves.
Apologies and thanks for the giggles …
(a) Yes, I do have nice legs and,
(b) Taking quotes out of context is fun.
Sooo … A furtive delve inside my bag of old comments gives a splendid opportunity to psychoanalyse you, my lovely readers and blogpals by taking snippets out of context.
Robyn is of course exempt from the "big one". I shall refrain from quoting that particular Nudsenesque nugget as we all know it only too well …
Unsurprisingly, the most fecund source of quotable dodginess is that most slippery of Freudians, Little Sassy Schmoozer.
It was the Schmooze Queen herself who provided my very favourite putdown, "I'm glad that you are an ocean away"; something women have been struggling to tell me all my life, though never so elegantly and usually with added profanity or physical violence … Ah me …
So without further ado, let us launch ourselves down the slippery slope of self-analysis.
Here, in no particular order, are some of the things you lot have written to me:
Let's start with the youngest: Taihae:
"I AM NOT REPRESENTED BY MY PRESIDENT!" Admirable, but not quite smutty enough for this post …
"Google is my dear and glorious anal penetrator." That's more like it.
"Methinks dive needs to get laid." Spot on, young Tai.
The Other Girl (The Cat In The Hat In Seattle) writes, somewhat confusingly:
"Reeking pismire." and
"Yah Mo Be There." … Quite …
Adair of the dark honey eyes writes:
"Share your gooey goodies with me. :)" Now that's the kind of comment I like …
Dod chips in with "Old nun's twat" but that's hardly surprising …
Old Knudsen in his infinite wisdom:
"God is a woman?" Yup, 'fraid so …
and surprisingly
"I want to hang around with you so I can become cool by association."
but not so surprisingly
"Natalie Portman makes me feel like a pedo"
and
"Dive is thinking about anal sex when reading my blog?" Right again, Old K.
Peahen contributes:
"Gargoyles rude bits".
and
"What a load of squit!"
but also
"I promise that next time I see you I'll be wearing stripey tights."
(and she was) …
Rich gives away his (and my) age:
"Rebel Rebel and Bowie never gets old!"
And as for Robyn:
"Holy crap!" (that was from an email, but something I never thought I'd hear from her).
"You have to go through INTERCOURSE to get to PARADISE and BLUE BALLS is just on the other side." Oh, you Americans and your lovely ways with naming towns …
and
"Also, exactly what does "twat" mean, so I don't use it if I shouldn't :)
Ooooohhhhhh, I get it. I'll be careful with that word. :)
Where's that British dictionary? Now I have to look up "tossers.""
And finally, Sassy leaves herself wide open to misinterpretation with:
"Fuck the opera house!" Something I've yet to try.
"There's something about fat in lycra." Indeed there is …
"Hee hee. Wow. Freud would have a thing or two to say. :)" You are his favourite slipper …
"Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. I think that's all I can say for now. Oh my."
"I seem to have my naughty bits down cold." Brrr …
"Hee hee hee. Oh, hee hee hee. I don't really understand it, hee hee. So you squeeze his willy, and it comes out of his mouth? I don't understand. Hee hee hee hee … Oh, oh, and the BUTT PLUG???? Eeeeeewwww." This is what comes of online dating, young Sassy …
"Nice privy."
"Cute pig, and great Arsehole." Thanks.
All I can say is keep up the good work.
If anyone feels they've been under-represented, it's probably because you've been too prudent with your comments. Learn from this.
I appreciate I'm leaving myself wide open for a counterattack here, but after November's NaBloPoMo onslaught, I really couldn't think of anything else to write so I let you write this one yourselves.
Apologies and thanks for the giggles …
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