500 Words - II

Here we are, back in the beer tent at the 500 Words creative writing funfest.

For any latecomers, the rules - together with Lynn and Robyn's first stories - can be found in the previous post.
Now come on in, sit your butt down, grab a beer and a pen and join in.

As a tease to Lynn and Robyn, I (in my capacity as Official Sentence Setter … yay!) deliberately chose an awkward first sentence from a book they are not likely to read in front of their families; Nabokov's deliciously funny "Lolita".

I ensured the sentence included the name "Lo" to see how they would dodge it, wondering whether Loretta might not make an appearance, but in the event it was Lorraine who turned up.

Robyn and I both wrote road trip stories (pretty difficult to avoid, given the sentence), though Robyn rather cleverly finished her story with the sentence rather than started with it (there's nothing in the rules that says where the sentence has to appear so feel free to put it wherever it suits best).

To read Robyn's story: "Me and Lo", click here.

Robyn's tale is a delight, and I can't help but wonder if a little autobiographical detail might not have crept in there in disguise (she doesn't reveal whether the mother is wearing a hat and a false moustache).
As usual with Robyn's writing, the dialogue is natural and believable and the little emotional details pin-sharp.
I'd sure love to share the journey back home, with the music and beer and maybe a stop at Piggly Wiggly's (I have so got to go there when I get to the US), though the journey south I could definitely do without.

At the time of writing we are still waiting for Lynn's story, but she has been crazily busy getting her photography business up and running (check it out on her blog) and so can be "excused games" on this one.

If anyone else fancies a pop at it you can post your stories any time, but I'll be setting the next sentence early next week if you don't like the feel of this one.

I realise there will be some of you - like me - who have never written anything before and so might be wary of mixing it with Lynn and Robyn and some of our other real writers, so - pour encourager les autres - I have joined in with my own non-writer's attempt at a story:


Prodigal

And again next day a thinly populated sky, losing its blue to the heat, would melt overhead, and Lo would clamour for a drink, and her cheeks would hollow vigorously over the straw, and the car inside would be a furnace when we got in again, and the road shimmered ahead, with a remote car changing its shape mirage-like in the surface glare, and seeming to hang for a moment, old-fashionedly square and high, in the hot haze.

Now, far ahead, floating way above the horizon lay a blue line that spoke of the Sierras.
Another long day of burning heat stretched ahead of us; the sun blistering the car's ancient paintwork, beating like hammers on the hot metal, baking Lo and Mary and me as the wheezing remains of the air-conditioner sucked our mouths and throats dry of what little moisture we might have hoarded.

I recalled the last time we'd driven west.
Aunt Sarah's funeral.
The shrivelled up faces of relatives I'd not seen in twenty years staring disapprovingly at the boy who'd gone east to make his fortune, now returned like the prodigal in his tired clothes and junkheap car with that pinch-faced woman of his and their poor little girl in hand-me-downs.
Now here we were again, making a final marathon pilgrimage across this vast and unforgiving continent, back to the bosom of my loving family, the sneers and sniffy asides: "I always said he'd come to nothing."

Nothing.
I glanced across at Lo.
My shot at redemption.
She at least would appreciate the weather out here.
I felt a momentary shiver of pleasure in the stifling heat; a fleeting chill of bitter winter winds howling off Lake Michigan, biting at my baby's fingers; fern fronds of frost creeping across the insides of the windows in our dank refrigerator of an apartment.
I almost missed it.
I almost missed the roar and clatter of the el, shaking our restless sleep as we huddled together for warmth.

Warmth …
Here the sun burned the colours from the world.
We sat: me hunched over the wheel, Mary sagging into her seat, drained, Lo leaning forward, her pale grey eyes missing nothing; a mute triumvirate as the parched world rolled by us and the old engine droned.
Here a flyblown motel; a single black dog watching us from the dusty parking lot; an empty pool.
There a trailer set back from the highway; threadbare wire fence corralling a world in miniature; baked clothes limp on a washing line; the rusted corpses of cars littering the yard.

And after all the miles; after all the years; our own trailer and a part-time job for me, stacking shelves in my uncle's store.
My old life …
Lo's new life …

I watched the distant line of the mountains slowly drift downward, knowing that when it finally fell and locked itself to the landscape there would be no turning back, and secretly wishing it would stay, hanging up there in the haze forever.



Feel free to cringe, but do join in yourselves; it's actually quite fun!

Do let me know when you've posted your stories so I can link to them here and we can all enjoy them.

Addendum:

While I was writing this, our Prudence rushed in, waving her own story in front of my eyes.

Here it is.

Woah! I love that twist at the end, Pru, and your wonderful evocation of atmosphere.
And of course I had to giggle at the words and phrases both our stories share.
Great minds (or at least weird ones like ours) do seem to think alike.
I have a feeling these things are going to happen a lot, but that is half the fun of this exercise; seeing different folks' different strokes when we all start from the same place.

Okay, you lot: Robyn and Prudence have thrown down the gauntlet, Lynn is hard on their heels and even I've had a go.

You've no excuses (except Shan … hee hee).

Second Addendum!

Here's Lynn's story.

Oh, my!
You have simply got to check it out.
All I'll say is:
"Hee hee!
Too funny and too clever, Lynn."

What an AWESOME twist on "Lo"!

Excellent stuff all round.

Keep 'em coming!